ill pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in
I got scolded at work today
i hope i can save myself
i went to an offsite for my grant committee
and interviewed a school asking for $$$
but my heart wasn't in it this morning
i signed up officially for the CFA.
i . will. pass.
the laundry in my building is broken and i want to kill someone
D and i had pizza and salmon(?) night last week
Last weekend I went to the Topsfield fair with him and had a blast
-i played with baby piggies and elephants
-watched a tractor race
-saw a pumpkin larger than a human
-hung out on the "Kahlua Farm"
-took a tour of the haunted houses and gripped him till he bled
-drank cider
-watched the miracle of life via baby chickies hatching in an incubator
-he won me a gothic kitty which cost more than normal because of carnie shits and "$" bling.
-ate a baked potato, candied apple, honey sticks, corn on the cob, chocolate covered bananas
i laughed until i couldn't breathe
for someone that doesn't know me that well, he knows me pretty well
i can't maintain eye contact with him for very long, and he told me i don't trust him
i told him i would try, in time
i don't need to trust everyone. entirely. immediately.
he's a great guy.
so is the boy who asked me out to a french bistro tonight
or the boy who asked me to go to an electronica show with him tomorrow
but after the weekend i just had, it makes me feel nauseous to be with anyone else but B.
So I'll talk about that. because it is more relevent/pertinent
he came in on Friday after I had the week of stressss.
but immediately after arriving, I felt as though peace was restored to the land
we clicked
even after two years it felt like he had just been away fetching the morning paper.
we ate pizza, drank wine, watched some television, and then i showed him the often times lackluster
bar scene boston has to offer
and then we came back here and hung around
he had changed
i had changed
both for the better
i was so young/hedonistic/selfish when we dated way back when
that with graduation/being unsettled in DC/dating someone that was doing the 9-5 thing
it was just too difficult for my senioritis mind to cope with
it could have been him, it could have been anyone
as he pointed out though, if I hadn't been in DC, we would have never met
but as we came back together, it felt like i was falling into the most amazing
ephemeral
exciting
comforting
relationship ever
i can't think of many people who would tie my shoe lace on a rainy day in Harvard yard
or talk to Dell for half an hour when my rat has eaten my 2nd printer in the course of 2weeks
it was in these quiet moments
that didn't ask to be acknowledged
that i felt something
this weekend far surpassed anything i had ever been involved with
including our first time around
he gets me.
somehow he has figured me out and embraces ME
quirks and all
there are a lot of other people who think they get me/wish they got me
but i recognize someone who really does
and it makes me so scared to feel so exposed.
especially to someone who is hundreds of miles away
he told me i worry too much
but to me, this weekend meant so much more to me than a fling
i don't say the things i said to him, to everyone
Also-a strange occurance-
when i was sleeping, on more than one occassion, i would wake up and he would have
jostled in accordance with something that happened in my dream, or finish a sentence
or thought that was directly related to what i had just been dreaming about.
it was so odd. he didn't think so
because he's a boy
we'll see. i'll go with the flow
but he is the type of person that makes everyone pale in comparison.
i can't say i've ever really thought that before.
meh.
at least this wine and mac n cheese is helping me to be honest.
i can see a future with us
i don't exactly know in what way..
but i could see myself being 28 and still with him
and picking out furniture for our apartment
or having little pets
which is odd because i can't see myself being like that with anyone
and maybe not even him
but just the fact that i didn't run screaming from myself in my own thoughts is a big step
i've never really been able to do that
everyone seems to be a pleasant distraction that gets me from holiday to holiday
ive always cared about him
even though i've sometimes had a funny way of showing it.
(he knows this.)
highlights:
-we went to the Boston Harbor Islands to tour. and by tour, i mean make out.
-he came to a trannie show with me
-and a Renaissance fair, where we tore turkey flesh off the bone
-and ate twinkies on a cloudy autumn day
so that's me. exposed. listening to Smashing Pumpkins. and looking for my Swiffer mop.
5 days ago i was a completely different person
x
'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly
i hope i can save myself
i went to an offsite for my grant committee
and interviewed a school asking for $$$
but my heart wasn't in it this morning
i signed up officially for the CFA.
i . will. pass.
the laundry in my building is broken and i want to kill someone
D and i had pizza and salmon(?) night last week
Last weekend I went to the Topsfield fair with him and had a blast
-i played with baby piggies and elephants
-watched a tractor race
-saw a pumpkin larger than a human
-hung out on the "Kahlua Farm"
-took a tour of the haunted houses and gripped him till he bled
-drank cider
-watched the miracle of life via baby chickies hatching in an incubator
-he won me a gothic kitty which cost more than normal because of carnie shits and "$" bling.
-ate a baked potato, candied apple, honey sticks, corn on the cob, chocolate covered bananas
i laughed until i couldn't breathe
for someone that doesn't know me that well, he knows me pretty well
i can't maintain eye contact with him for very long, and he told me i don't trust him
i told him i would try, in time
i don't need to trust everyone. entirely. immediately.
he's a great guy.
so is the boy who asked me out to a french bistro tonight
or the boy who asked me to go to an electronica show with him tomorrow
but after the weekend i just had, it makes me feel nauseous to be with anyone else but B.
So I'll talk about that. because it is more relevent/pertinent
he came in on Friday after I had the week of stressss.
but immediately after arriving, I felt as though peace was restored to the land
we clicked
even after two years it felt like he had just been away fetching the morning paper.
we ate pizza, drank wine, watched some television, and then i showed him the often times lackluster
bar scene boston has to offer
and then we came back here and hung around
he had changed
i had changed
both for the better
i was so young/hedonistic/selfish when we dated way back when
that with graduation/being unsettled in DC/dating someone that was doing the 9-5 thing
it was just too difficult for my senioritis mind to cope with
it could have been him, it could have been anyone
as he pointed out though, if I hadn't been in DC, we would have never met
but as we came back together, it felt like i was falling into the most amazing
ephemeral
exciting
comforting
relationship ever
i can't think of many people who would tie my shoe lace on a rainy day in Harvard yard
or talk to Dell for half an hour when my rat has eaten my 2nd printer in the course of 2weeks
it was in these quiet moments
that didn't ask to be acknowledged
that i felt something
this weekend far surpassed anything i had ever been involved with
including our first time around
he gets me.
somehow he has figured me out and embraces ME
quirks and all
there are a lot of other people who think they get me/wish they got me
but i recognize someone who really does
and it makes me so scared to feel so exposed.
especially to someone who is hundreds of miles away
he told me i worry too much
but to me, this weekend meant so much more to me than a fling
i don't say the things i said to him, to everyone
Also-a strange occurance-
when i was sleeping, on more than one occassion, i would wake up and he would have
jostled in accordance with something that happened in my dream, or finish a sentence
or thought that was directly related to what i had just been dreaming about.
it was so odd. he didn't think so
because he's a boy
we'll see. i'll go with the flow
but he is the type of person that makes everyone pale in comparison.
i can't say i've ever really thought that before.
meh.
at least this wine and mac n cheese is helping me to be honest.
i can see a future with us
i don't exactly know in what way..
but i could see myself being 28 and still with him
and picking out furniture for our apartment
or having little pets
which is odd because i can't see myself being like that with anyone
and maybe not even him
but just the fact that i didn't run screaming from myself in my own thoughts is a big step
i've never really been able to do that
everyone seems to be a pleasant distraction that gets me from holiday to holiday
ive always cared about him
even though i've sometimes had a funny way of showing it.
(he knows this.)
highlights:
-we went to the Boston Harbor Islands to tour. and by tour, i mean make out.
-he came to a trannie show with me
-and a Renaissance fair, where we tore turkey flesh off the bone
-and ate twinkies on a cloudy autumn day
so that's me. exposed. listening to Smashing Pumpkins. and looking for my Swiffer mop.
5 days ago i was a completely different person
x
'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly