Gashlycrumb: 6.4
So I just got home from dropping Pooklet off at the airport and I am distraught and alone and naturally that's the best time to try to be funny for the internet, right?
Last time on Days Of Our 'Crumbs:
- Baby became the star she was always meant to be, and also acquired a purple foot
- Una and Usaggie both had a spirit journey formation anniversary
- Wang the werewolf king destroyed the living room couch
- the Gashlycrumbs moved to a new house on the opposite side of the map
- two baked Alaskas.
sixtylilies: *BURSTS INTO UGLY SOBBING*
Usaggie: Overlord, are you, like, okay?
Una: Xe's fine. Xe's always like that.
And to think I got you a knife-throwing target, you little ingrate.
Una: You didn't bring it with us.
THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT.
Plantish: BY JOVE, IS THAT A
Someone screamed about wanting a ballet bar, I think maybe it was Whisper. I put it in Winnie and Plantish's room and so far everyone has ignored it but Winnie.
Winnie: I feel The Nutcracker Suite in my future!
Of course you do, Wins! After all, it's less than a month til Shitscram.
D8 Varney, honey
You okay??
Varney: Of course I am, Overlord! Why do you ask?
N-no reason. o__o
Winnie: i wish, i wish, i wish to be the sugarplum fairy i am in my heart and also my soul
Baby: Sharping my claws
Alien Friend: Pumpkinbutt, it is truly inspiring how you manage to send even yogurt flying in tiny orange cornflake-looking bits when you really get down to a meal.
Varney: *mmph* Thanks sugar*smack*cheeks, your support really *smorlph* means the world to me!
Upstairs landing poster: *cannot fucking believe this shitting with the door open bullhooey*
Winnie: If that's a veiled criticism of me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.
sixtylilies: [[ugly crying intensifies]]
Winnie: Is this Skyrim?
Alien Friend: So, Whisper, honey. Daisy. Sugar lumpkin. We all love ya, you know we do. But we've been thinking, what with you having a rich sugar mama now and everything, that maybe it's about time for you to pack your bags and get the fuck out.
Whisper: She's not really my... it's complicated, I guess.
Alien Friend: Okay, but. Will she let you move into the Fritter mansion? Cuz that's what we care about.
You fucking shitdigging dog turds, you JUST MOVED INTO THIS HOUSE. Stop leaving your filth around everywhere like a pack of animals!
Gashlycrumbs: No, it's cool, those beer bottles where there when we got here.
Baby and Whisper: *are uncoordinated at cat teaser*
Plantish: So, brother-in-law, have you given any more thought to our getting the fuck out proposal?
Why yes, Finn, Alien Friend most certainly is available to talk. We are always available to lend a shoulder for you to cry on. About boats.
Alien Friend: Okay, Finn, I've consulted with a witch, and she told me you might be haunted by boats, and that you should try yelling at them.
Varney: it was me
Whisper: Maybe I should move in with Almond. Things are changing so fast around here! For one thing, the house looks totally different.
You... you do realize you're in a new house, right? In a totally different part of the neighborhood?
Whisper: The hell you say?
sixtyliles: *is in a glass case of emotion*
Cute blue cyclops: *is over it*
Plantish: FISH.
Whisper: Yes, yes, of course. Naturally. But what variety are we talking? Catfish? Walleye? Tilapia? Tilapia could be tricky.
Oh, hey. Look who's back.
Knut Livingston: Holla.
Hey kiddo, whatcha up to?
Usaggie: Doing an experiment. I'm writing a Fifty Shades of Grey fanfic. A vampire AU. I want to see if the universe collapses in on itself.
Hold up. Who the fuck let you read Fifty Shades of Grey?
Usaggie: Nobody. I read Twilight.
Whisper: Oh, yeah, I guess I kinda remember having to do homework, at some point. At least once. Maybe more than once? I dunno, it's sorta hazy. I spent most of my time in school in a haze.
Una: Was it marijuana smoke?
Whisper: You'd think so, right?
Plantish: hey wall what's going on in this corner
Una: I'm not sure what to think of Uncle Whisper. I'm leaning toward distrust of him.
Plantish: What up, human wife?
Winnie: Sewing some curtains we don't need and won't use. You?
Plantish: I dunno. I'm pretty into staring into this middle distance right now, but I don't want to commit myself too early.
Una: So I was thinking we should get some rats! Like, pet rats, or, you know, whatever. Just some rats. See what happens.
Varney: *BIG BREATH*
Varney: Absolutely fucking not. Pets, maybe. But I get the sneaking suspicion you're more interested in free range rats, perhaps in the hopes of forming some kind of Willard army, and I do not support that kind of wanton rat misuse.
Alien Friend: Hey doll. The back of your head is ridiculous.
Whisper: Bukawk! Bu-KAWK! Why the hell am I doing this
Varney: lol
Baby: Please do notfph.
Winnie, seriously, were you raised in a fucking barn?
You weren't. You were raised in a house. It was a nice house. Stop spreading your poop fumes through the house like a fucking animal.
sixtylilies: *throws computer out a window*
Gosh I like Varney a whole lot, she's just the prettiest.
SCHWOOM
I didn't end up behind the shop at home rack on purpose but I decided to take the picture from there anyway because this way it looks like I'm spying on them and I find that endlessly hilarious given that i'M ALWAYS SPYING ON THEM. ALL OF THEM.
Varney: What a perfect time to reflect on the sex I had literally thirty seconds ago in the next room
Aww. I think it's cute when sim couples autonomously end up doing things... in the... same... area...
*sobs some more. so much more.*
Sabrina McCrystal: Sup, little dude?
Plantish: what the hell is Mom doing here, we haven't spoken in like fifty years
Iiiii guess she came to break in the previously unnoticed axe throwing station!
Una: HOLD THE PHONE, WE HAVE A WHAT
Sims to not piss off: Sabrina
Alien Friend: CHEEZ-ITFSLGLF
Guests have a tendency to get stuck behind the gazebo or whatever that thing technically is. The 'crumbs maneuver around it just fine, but somehow everyone else is fooled by its cunning... gazebing, I guess.
Anyway, that's why Plantish's one mom is still here, petting a wolf for no particular reason.
Whisper: Oh man, I wonder how Begnomedict Undersnatch is doing these days? I should look that old sockhound up!
Varney: move ouuuut
Sabrina McCrystal: SNOOOOOOOOOORRRRT
Baby: I really wish you hadn't put my kitty condo next to the open door poop bathroom.
I am so very sorry.
Baby: Guess I'll have to sleep the smell off.
It's worth a try!
Whisper: GASP. I cannot allow Una to see my private, personal heartfelt letter to Begnomedict Undersnatch, renewing contact after all these years!
Una: SIXTEEN BELLLLLS WILL CHIME WHEN THE HEAVENS OPEN UP
Una: Nice.
Oh-hoh wow. Yes. Nice. Wow. *__*
Una: Wake up, bitches, I made Captain Crunch.
Alien Friend: I hear what you're saying, serving dish. But you can't spend your life regretting the chances you didn't take. Maybe you would be happier if you'd become an exquisite bust of a historical leader, but does that mere possibility really detract from the quality of your life here?
Winnie: Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Whisper: I don't have an answer to that question, but I do think we should all go around the table and reassure me that you love me and want me to stay forever.
Una: Gosh, I'd love to but uh, I... feel some shit-covered squirrels coming on. Gotta dash if I wanna get them to the pool.
Whisper: Plantish, where are you going? Alien Friend's making some really good points about living the life you've got, and busts also.
Winnie: are you fucking kidding me what is wrong with my entire shitty family
No, Aisey the cute townie.
I am trying to save you from yourself.
Whisper: Strange. I feel a sense of... accomplishment? Is that the word?
For anyone else it would be!
Varney: Oh my Glob, go pull a different weed, pussyfoot!
Whisper: Suck my whiskers, I was here first.
Una: Oh, no, I burned the nourishment. :<
It's okay, sweetie. It was only shortbread. It's not like it was strawberry milkshake pop tarts!
The Gashlycrumbs: as good at keeping up friendships in Sims as I am in real life.
More Different Alien Friend: splurrrrr
Plantish: Well, that has a sting to it. Several hundred stings, in fact.
Okay I think this might just be me being the aspie I am but it seems so weird to me that this interaction is called 'Flowers Love Me?' Cuz yeah I remember doing the 'she loves me she loves me not' thing when I was a wee kid but why would you tear apart a FLOWER to see if FLOWERS LOVE YOU idgi I think too hard about unimportant shit the end.
Una: Did we just become best friends?
Varney: I fear my imminent dethroning as favorite.
Never bb you are a jewel and a treasure
Plantish: What a lovely art, Usaggie! Keep on arting, little biscuit.
Usaggie: Thanks, Grandparent!
Usaggie: Well? How did I do? The suspense is killing me.
Oh. Uh... wow.
Usaggie: I fucked it up I fucked it all up
Usaggie: *devastated weeping*
Varney: so i was thinking maybe this is the year we all go to vegas, take in some nightlife, do a little gambling, see britney spears
Una: Learning is rad.
sixtylilies: *very very carefully installs Una on the favorite throne*
Varney: hey why do i suddenly feel deposed
Winnie: Hey sweetie, wanna play punch me, punch you?
Varney: I'm veRY UPSET RIGHT NOW so that would be lovely thanks.
Winnie: There's no way I'm going to regret this!
Varney: challenge accepted
Varney: NYARRRRGH
Winnie: OW CHRIST ON A TIN ROOF SHITHOUSE
Winnie: I did NOT see that coming!
Alien Friend: *farts to the tune of Yankee Doodle*
I am going to lose my shit
Baby: *blep*
Alien Friend: 8>
Alien Friend: 8>
Alien Friend: 8>
Aww :'>
Aww :|
Plantish: Mom, I love you. I really do. But seriously, don't smile at me and my wife like that. It makes me feel weird and want to push you away by the sweater grapefruits, you hear what I'm saying?
Sabrina McCrystal: Nope :D
Usaggie: Did we just become best friends?
Una: YUP.
Usaggie: Do you wanna go throw axes in the side yard?
Una: YUP.
Alien Friend: I'm taking a correspondence course in Baby Talk. Soon I'll be able to condescend with the best of 'em!
Varney: You smell so nice B)
Una: Well, that's uncomfortable.
Usaggie: I am having a love affair with this chili con carne.
Alien Friend: Hey pancakes!
Varney: Hey asparagus puff. Hang on oooone sec, I am really feeling Jasmine Fritter's train wreck makeup and floating headband right now.
Sabrina McCrystal: i forgot where my house is :D
Usaggie: Whoa. Something's happening. Is it indigestion? I bet it's indigestion.
Nope! Puberty.
Usaggie: Those things are about equally appealing, to be honest.
Usaggie: Seriously. I hate this.
You're looking cute as fuck, though. Good thing I already decided on heir ages ago.
NO AISEY
NO
Usaggie: Trust me, you can have him. Seriously. Come over now. Take him away. Please?
