Gashlycrumb: 5.7
Is this the last post of generation 5? We just don't know.
Last time, heiress Varney tried to find a mate by blowing massive wads of cash on the matchmaker and meeting girls at the arcade only to heroically never call them back. Now the dating ritual continues, because Varney is terrible at it!
Also, Finn Neel came over and hung out with Whisper.
Finn: If I said I'd like to see you 'hang out' in a different way, would you hold it against me?
Whisper: Hee. Yes. Wait... no? Which is the sexy response to that?
Vladimir: Finn are you okay
Finn: Yes.
So, hey, did you completely forget you have a sort-of personfriend already, and also that it would dismay Pooklet if you hooked up with one of their sims?
Whisper: Actually, I was just thinking about popcorn that whole time!
Thedead: Off to the cemetery, bye living bitches~
Varney's date: So what do you think about recycling, small child?
Vladimir: Aren't you supposed to be hanging with my sister?
Varney: Hey baby are you blue all over or are you just happy to see me
Alien Friend: Omg. Both.
Finn: Heyyyyyy
So then I had Varney ask Alien Friend on a date because why not?
There was a good reason why not.
Alien Friend: Whisper is the worst thing I've ever seen :D
Is Varney the best?
Alien Friend: Duh. *___*
:'> I knew we'd get you one day, Alien Friend. I knew.
Varney: This has been an excellent date. I'm so glad I asked you out.
[muffled scorned NPC date screaming in the downstairs]
Winnie: Vlad! I'm so glad you're safe. I only just heard you were stuck playing chess with that creepy NPC Varney asked out.
Vladimir: It was harrowing, Mama, but I survived! Gosh, she was boring.
Yes. We're locking this one down before Varney or I can forget. (Like I forgot Twyla ;~;)
Finn: Winnie, I've never actually met you but I think you're baller. Brb, gonna go nap in your daughter's fancy bed.
Varney and Alien Friend: PLEASE DO NOT
Alien Friend: MY ANACONDA DON'T - MY ANACONDA DON'T - MY ANACONDA DON'T -
Finn: want none unless you got buns hon owo
Scorned recycling NPC came back like six times that night to knock over the trash and steal the newspaper. The fool. I keep all the newspapers in the attic so we stop getting new ones.
The elephant in the room: *gently wafts green stink*
I guess stinky old plates are ~their thing~
Whisper: Wanna slap my hands for awhile?
Varney: I guess I don't have anything more pressing to do.
Whisper: This is the right place to stare into the middle distance.
Finn: I agree with
Finn: SPORT
It's good to have goals, Plantish.
Hey, good job, Plantish! You did move.
Alien Friend: Hi Baby. Do you think you could get off my bed, please?
Baby: I do not.
Whisper: YOU GUYS! YOUR CLOTHES! WHAT HAPPENED, DID YOU LOSE THEM? I WILL HELP YOU FIND THEM
Varney: Naw, man, we're good.
Whisper: Oh okay
Alien Friend: Holy spacklebrush, I'm gonna tell everyone about those orgasms.
Winnie: Get the birdie, Baby! Get it get it!
Plantish:
Plantish:
Fancy Boatsink: So what, like, are you gonna hook me with your fishing line again or what?
Varney: No, you're a Fiebelkorn now! I'm not crossing that line.
Alien Friend: fuck you wall i don't need your tricks
Winnie: So I heard you tanked a date so bad that the girl ended up playing chess with Vlad. That's impressive, sweetie.
Varney: I'm a witch of many talents, Mom.
No wonder Alien Friend never married into the family previously. She was waiting for the right 'Crumb.
I think she found her
Vladimir: I see
Plantish: WINNIE! You've got something on your mouth. Quick, I'll get it. With my mouth.
Winnie: Okaymmmph :">
Fancy Boatsink: Yo?
Twyla Tark: Yo?
Varney: EAT ON IT, DOLLMAKER
Plantish: You are SO HOT. Like, seriously. Like so hot I can't even, dude. Just. SO. HOT.
Winnie: Thank
Winnie: Aww yeah, time for some senior coffees at McDonald's!
Winnie: Gonna get me some cheap coffee in style.
Varney: I told you I don't like first person shooters! I TOLD you that!
Alien Friend: You're the one who said we should play more games together, and I have a 7 p.m. Call of Duty with Zola Fritter, Barry, and Dougie every night.
Phone Call O'Leary: Hey Whisper, can I talk to someone in your house that isn't a creepy cat person?
Whisper: No.
Alien Friend got a makeover, cuz I like to mix it up and keep it fresh. Or I just have a lot of hairs I don't use enough. Reader's choice!
Vladimir: Agent Powder Cake reporting for duty, ma'am.
Baby: Not here, agent. We'll rendezvous at twenty hundred hours behind the big tree in the back yard. Watch for my sign.
Vladimir: Aww, do I have to? Last time I got your sign all over my good shoes.
What are you up to, kid? You know it's too late to intrigue me in the hopes of keeping you around as heir, right?
Vladimir: Of course I do. Not everything is about you, Overlord.
...I disagree with
Plantish, you don't have the greatest grasp of cause and effect, do you?
Plantish: Hold on just a tic, Overlord! Let me finish mopping this floor and then we can chat. :D
Plantish: WHY
Skeleton: why
Varney: Marry me, gorgeous?
Alien Friend: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Scenery interlude~
Alien Friend's townie swag. No wonder she clicked so quick with Varney, I see that game system lurking in there beside the karaoke machine (because of course)
Varney: *did this*
Plantish: Aww look at you all grey and distinguished, my cute little vintage wife!
Winnie: Hee :">
Baby: This is the only safe place to sleep.
Alien Friend: *dreams of the most important person*
Because Plantish is a plant person and always needs sunlight, I installed a sun lamp over this chair for xir and every single time xe sits in it and looks at xir hands like this I completely forget I've already capped it like twelve times and cap it again the end.
Varney is seriously just SO PRETTY agh ugh.
Vladimir: SPRING BREAK
Nnnnnnnot quite
Whisper: I have burned the nourishment. :(
Varney: Hey Vlad, do I have a story for you.
Omfg please do not tell the small child about your sexual doings you creep what the hell
I was checking Whisper's memories to see if he'd ever been laid because I couldn't remember and in the process I discovered this and I am sTILL LAUGHING because Whisper honey I really don't think you're in any position to talk about weirdos
Whisper: I am stunned and slightly turned on.
Alien Friend: *chews serenely*
Alien Friend: Well, while Varney's eating, let me just continue where she left off...
Vladimir: That's okay, I have a pressing need to go over here out of earshot instead.
Whisper: I'm very aroused.
Making it official mnerp mnerp
Whisper: That's impressive, and also hot.
Alien Friend: *is officially Alien Friend*
Whisper: That Alien Friend is a-ok, wink wink.
Winnie: I'm thinking of installing bars on all the windows to keep the outside world safe from Whisper, what do you guys think
I was planning to try to do the Happy Holidays Christmas event because I have never ever even once had Santa visit. But there wasn't room inside the house for a Christmas tree so I put it in the yard and then lost all enthusiasm for the idea, so now the 'Crumbs just have a shitty random Christmas tree in their yard. Happy fucking holidays!
Looming, oppressive wall of snow: *looms oppressively*
Nobody sneeze, shit
Varney: Yessss. Snow banshees!
Vladimir: There but for the grace of Glob go I
Vladimir: Fascinating. I must remember to report this development to Baby when we rendezvous.
Baby: Good. I shall sharp my claws. Just in case.
Precious gamer babies slash gratuitous picture of me and Pooklet
Varney: My presence in this bathroom is completely innocent
Varney: I hate you, Mom! Wait, or Baby?
Both. Both is good.
It's high time Varney and Alien Friend get hitched before someone gets knocked up, so with that in mind I sent the family down to the wedding chapel.
Whisper: LOOK, I'M GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH
Frances Beets the Atrociously Evil Witch: Hey guys what's going on in this wedding
Frances is only the beginning. Literally every witch in town showed up, except Almond, which I am really okay with.
Varney: Bangin' suit, little sis!
Vladimir: Thanks! It's thrift store new-with-tags.
Varney: Wicked.
Literally every witch but Almond.
Kriemhild Fritter: Hello, door frame my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.
Mulciber Green: I don't mean to be rude, but are you a real person or just a statue? I forgot my glasses at home so I can't really see that well.
Statue:
AND IIIIIIIIIIII
HEEEE-YIIIIIIII-HEEE-YIIIIIIIII
WIIILL ALWAYS LOOOOOVE HAYOOOOOOO-HOOOOOO
Ness McCrystal, Plantish's older sibling: Excuse me wtf there is a child in my chair
A wild latecomer appears in Charlotte Fritter, I do not remember if she happens to be a witch but I'm just gonna assume she is, given that I went out of my way to name her after a witch.
More witch. Every single witch.
Omri Fritter the Nice Warlock: Holla!
Omri Fritter the Nice Warlock: I have no idea where I am! 8D
Parents-of-the-bride smoochings!
Scenery interlude bonus round~
People Looking Out Of Windows: The Epic 1/2
People Looking Out Of Windows: The Epic 2/2
Varney: EAT ON IT, WIFE
Alien Friend: Whygolpffh
Varney: Hey, Kriemhild. Kriemhild! Did you see what I did? Kriemhild, did you see?
Kriemhild: Beer.
Alien Friend: *weeps softly into hands*
Alien Friend: Okay, wife, enough fussing around. When we get home, some eggs gonna get fertilized. Yes?
Varney: Yes.
Frances Beets the Atrociously Evil Witch: My God, would you just taste this cake. What a time to be alive.
Vladimir: I WILL BE AVENGEDHORLKPHGFF
Right as we were leaving I saw some more beer-related hilarity going down in the form of a drunken rejected engagement. At least no one destroyed their marriage this time! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
