...and the days go by...and the days go by...
I spoke to Jaz today. I was very happy to hear from her, seeing her on Sunday. She thinks the fact that I've been having reoccuring dreams about her coming back to England was because I missed her...I think its something a lot deeper than that...Like a premonition or something. Christ.
Anyway I'll have an income in a week if the job goes well. I'll be getting exercise and part of a team baby. My mum says she doesn't mind me missing her birthday on Saturday if i have to work, she never makes a fuss but I can never tell if she wants us too or not. So I'm cooking her dinner on Friday as Jess's party seems to have been moved forward a week. Its the pig roast on Saturday, the second most eventful event in Firle next to Bonfire night and church on christmas day. What a life we lead.
Today I read 267 pages of Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. I like it, much better than the Alchemist which was a platitude and a dull one at that (yes, Zazie is always right and needs to give my fucking memory stick back to me or I loose 1000s of songs)...It was going on about how people can only grow and learn about themselves in extreme situations because they are pushed to their limits. Recently I've done nothing but plan for the future, read and watch as much as I can.
Bob Dylan spent a year or two living on some guy's SOPHA and reading every book in his house along with drawing everything he saw (I'm not by the way condoning behavior of certain people who just can't be bothered to leave the house/get a job/do anything at all accept watch whos line is it anyway on the SOPHA and discover new ways to cook baked beans)....I think I'm going through one of those phases right now...along with pushing myself to the limit...in the book the girl only ever said yes when she knew she'd be in total control...I think I'm quite like that, have been quite like that for the last year....and look where its got me...all I've done is realize that when you do let yourself have the space and time to look at what you've achieved you always want the thing you didn't prioritize and didn't choose..like the path to Oxford. LOL.
So I'm sitting here looking at the choices I've made thinking things like...'there must be a reason i did that'...because its so much easier than saying..'it was because i was in a state of mind at the time that meant i was scared to do that'.....I wonder if its optimism or pessimism that gets people through the day...because extremes of anything is what makes us feel alive...I'm blabbering and whats worse I'm blabbering about a fatal combination of trivial and non-trivial but still pretty pointless shite.
Anyway my point being...I know I'll never get the hang of it...so I'm just gonna pretend that everything that happens and fucks up before it even begins and fucks up over and over again... I let happen on purpose.
Anyway I'll have an income in a week if the job goes well. I'll be getting exercise and part of a team baby. My mum says she doesn't mind me missing her birthday on Saturday if i have to work, she never makes a fuss but I can never tell if she wants us too or not. So I'm cooking her dinner on Friday as Jess's party seems to have been moved forward a week. Its the pig roast on Saturday, the second most eventful event in Firle next to Bonfire night and church on christmas day. What a life we lead.
Today I read 267 pages of Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. I like it, much better than the Alchemist which was a platitude and a dull one at that (yes, Zazie is always right and needs to give my fucking memory stick back to me or I loose 1000s of songs)...It was going on about how people can only grow and learn about themselves in extreme situations because they are pushed to their limits. Recently I've done nothing but plan for the future, read and watch as much as I can.
Bob Dylan spent a year or two living on some guy's SOPHA and reading every book in his house along with drawing everything he saw (I'm not by the way condoning behavior of certain people who just can't be bothered to leave the house/get a job/do anything at all accept watch whos line is it anyway on the SOPHA and discover new ways to cook baked beans)....I think I'm going through one of those phases right now...along with pushing myself to the limit...in the book the girl only ever said yes when she knew she'd be in total control...I think I'm quite like that, have been quite like that for the last year....and look where its got me...all I've done is realize that when you do let yourself have the space and time to look at what you've achieved you always want the thing you didn't prioritize and didn't choose..like the path to Oxford. LOL.
So I'm sitting here looking at the choices I've made thinking things like...'there must be a reason i did that'...because its so much easier than saying..'it was because i was in a state of mind at the time that meant i was scared to do that'.....I wonder if its optimism or pessimism that gets people through the day...because extremes of anything is what makes us feel alive...I'm blabbering and whats worse I'm blabbering about a fatal combination of trivial and non-trivial but still pretty pointless shite.
Anyway my point being...I know I'll never get the hang of it...so I'm just gonna pretend that everything that happens and fucks up before it even begins and fucks up over and over again... I let happen on purpose.