*grumble*
Things have recently come their negative peak, which is really (really!) odd. Normally my low point of the year hits around Christmas and sticks with me for a month after that, but no, it's quite a bit late this year. Until just like... today, I've been somewhat content with everything. I was completely aware that I hated my situation and was completely unsatisfied, but I somehow was okay with it, and accepted that it's okay for things to suck and for me to feel like shit all the time. This has been the case for a good long while now, several months at least. Regardless, no longer is such the case. I've been completely pushed off of my attempt to believe that I can be what I like and I will be accepted. I will not be accepted unless I am what people want of me. Not to say I will give in to such things, but I feel like I've compromised myself too much as it is. Of course, this negative feelings in me are the bomb that just went off. However, every bomb needs a fuse, an ignition. My ignition is my agitations and stress. A recent output of stress and agitation both for me is my brother, Mitch. He's begun what I knew was inevitable, but I thought he'd maybe see me and use my morals as a good example. Then again, he sees a brother who in his eyes, "has no friends or life." He seems to think everything I do is worthless, and doesn't take me seriously. Regardless, he's doing marijuana now, of course. Regularly. I guess it's his decision, but I don't like it, cause I've been helping him from getting caught, and trying to be the best older brother I can. I haven't busted him for any of the things I know he's doing that I don't support. I've even helped him get away with them. Agh. He's also having sex with this Ali girl. Jake and I went to get condoms for him.
I don't know why Mitch having sex pisses me off, but it does...
My dad has also been another agitation. Daily, he gets worse. Not only am I pissed off at him for being a horrible asshole to me, and the least understanding shit I've been around for a while, but I'm mad that he's killing himself.
I strongly fear that he's going to die very soon. He lives a rather unhealthy lifestyle, and he's a fucking wreck all the time, because he stresses out about everything. SEVERE TYPE-A! His brother, about 4 years older, died earlier this year. Heart attack. Who would have thought?
My dad is a dick to me, but I don't want him to die.
I had an airsoft gun war on friday. It was very fun. I want to do it again, but since my dad took my gun away from me, it probably won't happen. Fucking daily that man removes things I enjoy and adds more things I don't, all to ruin my life or convenience his.
I feel very alone.
Brad Out.
I don't know why Mitch having sex pisses me off, but it does...
My dad has also been another agitation. Daily, he gets worse. Not only am I pissed off at him for being a horrible asshole to me, and the least understanding shit I've been around for a while, but I'm mad that he's killing himself.
I strongly fear that he's going to die very soon. He lives a rather unhealthy lifestyle, and he's a fucking wreck all the time, because he stresses out about everything. SEVERE TYPE-A! His brother, about 4 years older, died earlier this year. Heart attack. Who would have thought?
My dad is a dick to me, but I don't want him to die.
I had an airsoft gun war on friday. It was very fun. I want to do it again, but since my dad took my gun away from me, it probably won't happen. Fucking daily that man removes things I enjoy and adds more things I don't, all to ruin my life or convenience his.
I feel very alone.
Brad Out.