i finally got my feet on the ground to be knocked down

[sixteensongs]

i was finally ready for everything i was running away from. the fear of it not being right or the doubts of everything would turn out alright. i wanted to grow up and find someone who i wanted to be with in the long run someone i could look ahead and see there beside me. completely blind to what life would throw at me i found someone it felt right with. so i took the step and put myself out there for the first time since ryan. i had no barriers, there was nothing i was hiding. who would have known i would run into the old me from about four months ago. running away from everything because you jumped in for all the wrong reasons or simply afraid for everything to be, dare i say it, perfect. you cannot believe it's happening. overwhelmed by fear you take off. saying good-bye the easiest way possible. lying through your teeth but believeing this is better; the pain will not be so crushing. to my surprise, i learned it hurts much worse to not have anything said straight out. without a concrete reason, without a bitter sweet good-bye. the honest truth would be better no matter how awful. for someone you care about to just brush you off like snow falling on their sleeves would feel more definate. you know it's dying and over. instead you tip toe around their heart trying not to leave it behind broken and bruise. little do you know that when you leave and walk away they will tear it apart themselves with all these questions. confusion sinks it and they're tearing up their souls trying to find out where they went wrong. crying themselves to sleep wondering am i not good enough for you to take the leap. you don't believe i am strong enough to catch you? unless you don't know what you feel and your fear is blinding you from everything you know is there. stupid enough to overlook everything that is right infront of your eyes. what if i said no? when you tossed it all away because you don't know where you stand or maybe it was my fault because i changed and didn't sweep you off your feet. but if i said no. i know you care! you wouldn't let me down so soft if you didn't, so why end this? why not figure it out together. listen to me when i say i don't want to hurt you but i can't promise happy endings. i know i want to be with you, but i want you to see that it's okay to believe someone is out there a little more. it's okay to believe that you may have found them. i wasn't ever thinking of how serious this would all end up but it's okay to dream. and it is damn fine to believe in this dream you never thought would come true. i am stronger then my appearance lets on, if this person is not me i will continue to live in my fading routine. don't worry about me.

as of right now. you tell me to go date these other guys because you know they all will fall in love with me. well, let me tell you a secret. it's not true. not every guy will love me...use yourself as a example baby. do you love me? if the answer is no it's just a tall tale. i will wait around for you until someone else comes along and sweeps me off my feet. i waited for three months for someone like you to come along. i will probably wait longer. never say that i am not thinking of you because i probably am. you will never know unless you make the next move to start everything up again because i will pretend. i can act as if nothing is wrong and pretend to sing along. look into my eyes if you ever want to know. my eyes are the gateway to my heart and soul. you will find me there.