(no subject)
Lately it has been hard to get ideas down, I mean concrete thoughts and not sporadic non-sensical bullshit that I usually can't escape. Called in sick today, spent the entire night trying not to throw up. When I called in I left a message stating that I had been fighting a bug the whole night, then after almost no sleep my mind wondered to 9 hours before when I was atop my desk chair with my graffti-try-hard incubus lyric destroyed chucks from gr 10 trying to squash the spider that plastered itself to my wall. Was this the bug I was fighting? or am I just being too metaphaphorical bastard reaking of pretentious film student with a lack of ideas? I went to bed and felt myself falling into a sleep like state because I felt my mind wondering into a pit of random thoughts and non sensical bullshit like the ideas that run across my brain when I am concious and awake. I remember the dream, there was a tornado and it was across my backyard about 400 meters my brother was drinking orange juice and watching Oprah, the windows were blown and the air raid sirens wailed but still he ignored me as I frantically raced to the basement, not long after my body woke itself up, my stomach was grindings and summersaulting I turned on my light and stared at the cieling with the smeared remains of the spider. It's an odd feeling when your body hates you...I tried to get back to sleep but the feeling was relentless so I gave in and decided it was time to make some tea and maybe write a little. I woke my computer and took out a notebook in which I keep ideas and thoughts when they come a knockin. With very little success I watched the time crawl by 1am -1:45 still one sentence, 2:45 a page of diaglogue. It occured to me that I have been lazy with writing since school ended but my ideas never stop, when you cut grass all day you have two things to focus on, 1. Your lines are straight 2. Random ideas, memories and stupidity. I find myself cutting grass and remembering my childhood like the time in 4th grade when I had a crush on this girl Nicole and she sent me a note during class saying meet me behind the portables after school, I showed up alright...waited...waited no Nicole. Maybe by killing spiders and other insects is just me taking out my frustration on all the girls that broke my heart along the way. You may label me as crazy but try cutting grass all day and not have random thoughts, I have thought up most of my current log lines for potential scripts for the fall, I think my mind and myself are frantically searching and mindlessly wondering every possible avenue of storytelling. I wish I had gone to Africa with my brother, he is there working as a Vet and doing some of the most facinating things and seeing the most incredible animals and places. I think I need to travel, get out of here with a camera of course my mind feels locked down in one place unable to think clearly and logically. I think its a tell tale sign I need inspiration and a new place for my brain to work. When it comes down to it there are approx 77 days left of summer and I need ideas, good concrete, career starting ideas and I don't have them but I do have plenty of grass to cut, and not make a sad attempt to finish this giant paragraph in a witty and humoristic way that makes people think I am an idiot. It's just the lack of sleep people.