My neurologist was on the show "Mystery Diagnosis"! (and a health rant)
So I was literally just having a discussion with my boyfriend a few hours ago about whether or not it's time I go back to my neurologist.. or whether I should see another rheumatologist.. I'm not going to get into what happened earler tonight (edit: I rant about it later in this post..hehe).. but I had an episode which made me think again that maybe it's time I get some more opinions with some new and worsening symptoms I have been experiencing lately. Basically, out of sheer stubbornness, I pushed myself to drive somewhere tonight when I shouldn't have.. and it was a mistake. Anyway.. I'm sitting in the parking lot of CVS after having to leave after only being in the store for like 30 seconds because I felt like I was going to pass out.. and I am on my cell phone with my boyfriend crying to him about my frustration.. and I sort of decided I need to go back to some doctors I hadn't seen in a few years.. that maybe certain diagnoses were not ruled out.. mainly Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus concerned me because of certain worsening symptoms.. My CFIDS/Fibro doc addresses certain symptoms that fit those illness.. but not others.. I don't know.. It's complicated.. I am still not convinced that I ONLY have CFIDS and Fibromyalgia (and all the other illnesses that are lumped in with those.. hypothyroid, etc) .. (Thank you Mitch for making me realize I shouldnt settle when I obviously have gotten worse the past few years.. even with the treatments I have been receiving). Anyway.. back to the story.. I'm on my cell phone in my car in the parking lot of CVS.. feeling defeated because I am really scared every day is going to be this hard. He stays on the phone with me until I feel okay enough to drive home.. I mention to him how one day I am going to watch one of my favourite shows, "Mystery Diagnosis" (It's an amazing show on The Discovery Health Channel) and how I am convinced that one day there will be a case with a person who will have ALL the same symptoms I have.. or ALL the same symptoms he has, and we'll get our diagnoses from a TV show! OR.. even better.. a few years from now.. after we both finally get our proper diagnoses, WE will be on the show telling our stories! Anyway.. so I joke and tell him I have to go home to watch a new episode I had recorded and I was just going to relax and try not to be too hard on myself for not being able to do something.
So I get home (man that drive was scary.. but I made it!) And I am watching the show.. and there is this case with this guy from Long Island.. then all of a sudden later in the episode when they introduce the brilliant doctor who properly diagnoses the patient.. IT IS MY NEUROLOGIST, Dr. John Kelemen of "Island Neurological" in Plainview, NY!!!! I was so shocked to see one of MY doctors on Mystery Diagnosis. If this isn't a sign that I need to make that long put off appointment to see him, I don't know what is. I just think it's so cool that MY doctor was on this show.. I know I shouldn't have waited this long to go back to him.. but I kind of got stuck in the thought that "Well.. I went through all the different specialists from 2003-2005 and they ruled out everything.. so it is what it is and I don't want to go to doctors anymore". But now that I see how I have gotten worse with certain symptoms the past year or so.. I am not so sure everything has been ruled out. This can't be it.. I don't want to keep deteriorating..
What happened today.. what has happened many times before.. is I got frustrated and stubborn. I want to push myself to do more than my body will allow me to do. I am scared that if I don't try.. if I don't push myself, I will be scared to do these things myself.. I don't want to fear going to a store by myself. I don't want to be scared to drive a short distance to run an errand. And I really don't want to have to depend on asking everyone else to help me with doing the everyday things. I want to be able to do these things myself. Sorry.. I'm a Taurus. Maybe I'm just in denial. I don't know. But I was so scared that if I don't TRY to do things, I'll end up using others as a crutch and I don't want to. But I don't know anymore when I am okay enough to do certain things and when I should call it quits and ask for help. I had JUST spoken to Mitch before I left to go to CVS and I was FINE.. I was JUST telling him how I think I was doing better since I switched thyroid meds.. I felt like I was okay to drive. I took a 5 hour nap today when I got home from traffic court bullshit.. and I was okay. But as I was driving, I started to not feel well.. I know I should have turned around, but I was determined. I was 3/4 of the way there and I didn't want it to be a wasted trip. I pushed myself to just make it there.. I walked in the store.. picked up a shopping basket.. walked down one aisle.. got dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out.. My hips and knees were hurting me. I was lightheaded.. But I really just wanted to push myself. But then after a few more seconds I KNEW I was going to pass out if I didn't go sit down right away. I was too embarrassed to sit on the floor and I didn't know what to do.. so I droped the basket and got to my car ASAP. So I was embarrassed.. frustrated. Pissed off that I wasted my energy and a trip where I got nothing accomplished.. and I was sad because I keep thinking about everything I USED to be able to do effortlessly.
I remember I used to be able to drive so far pre-2003. I used to drive to Brooklyn.. I even drove all the way into the city a few times. I used to be able to do SO much. Now I struggle to drive down the street. THIS is what kills me. Even when I got sick.. even when I was REALLY bad,, I was always able to drive 20 minutes.. Now the past year driving has gotten SO hard.. Sometimes I barely make it 2 miles away to my parents house. Sometimes I can't go down the street to Asia Grill so I get it delievered. This scares me because it wasn't like this 2 years ago. Two years ago I had my 20 minutes. Once in a blue moon.. on a really good day.. I can drive 20 minutes now. But that's rare now.
Sorry.. I'm rambling.. Once I start I can't shut up. Anyway.. I think I need to get over my stubbornness and just make some doctors appointments I have been putting off.. Mainly the rheumatologist.. and now that I saw my neurologist on TV.. well I have to take that as a sign to see him. I want to ask him if the one brain MRI I had back in 2005 is enough to rule out M.S. and I also want to update him on some (what I believe to be) neurological problems that I have been experiencing more over the past few years.. New symptoms I didn;t have in 2005 when I saw him.
So yeah.. if you haven't seen "Mystery Diagnosis" watch it. Maybe one day you'll see me or my boyfriend on it.
So I get home (man that drive was scary.. but I made it!) And I am watching the show.. and there is this case with this guy from Long Island.. then all of a sudden later in the episode when they introduce the brilliant doctor who properly diagnoses the patient.. IT IS MY NEUROLOGIST, Dr. John Kelemen of "Island Neurological" in Plainview, NY!!!! I was so shocked to see one of MY doctors on Mystery Diagnosis. If this isn't a sign that I need to make that long put off appointment to see him, I don't know what is. I just think it's so cool that MY doctor was on this show.. I know I shouldn't have waited this long to go back to him.. but I kind of got stuck in the thought that "Well.. I went through all the different specialists from 2003-2005 and they ruled out everything.. so it is what it is and I don't want to go to doctors anymore". But now that I see how I have gotten worse with certain symptoms the past year or so.. I am not so sure everything has been ruled out. This can't be it.. I don't want to keep deteriorating..
What happened today.. what has happened many times before.. is I got frustrated and stubborn. I want to push myself to do more than my body will allow me to do. I am scared that if I don't try.. if I don't push myself, I will be scared to do these things myself.. I don't want to fear going to a store by myself. I don't want to be scared to drive a short distance to run an errand. And I really don't want to have to depend on asking everyone else to help me with doing the everyday things. I want to be able to do these things myself. Sorry.. I'm a Taurus. Maybe I'm just in denial. I don't know. But I was so scared that if I don't TRY to do things, I'll end up using others as a crutch and I don't want to. But I don't know anymore when I am okay enough to do certain things and when I should call it quits and ask for help. I had JUST spoken to Mitch before I left to go to CVS and I was FINE.. I was JUST telling him how I think I was doing better since I switched thyroid meds.. I felt like I was okay to drive. I took a 5 hour nap today when I got home from traffic court bullshit.. and I was okay. But as I was driving, I started to not feel well.. I know I should have turned around, but I was determined. I was 3/4 of the way there and I didn't want it to be a wasted trip. I pushed myself to just make it there.. I walked in the store.. picked up a shopping basket.. walked down one aisle.. got dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out.. My hips and knees were hurting me. I was lightheaded.. But I really just wanted to push myself. But then after a few more seconds I KNEW I was going to pass out if I didn't go sit down right away. I was too embarrassed to sit on the floor and I didn't know what to do.. so I droped the basket and got to my car ASAP. So I was embarrassed.. frustrated. Pissed off that I wasted my energy and a trip where I got nothing accomplished.. and I was sad because I keep thinking about everything I USED to be able to do effortlessly.
I remember I used to be able to drive so far pre-2003. I used to drive to Brooklyn.. I even drove all the way into the city a few times. I used to be able to do SO much. Now I struggle to drive down the street. THIS is what kills me. Even when I got sick.. even when I was REALLY bad,, I was always able to drive 20 minutes.. Now the past year driving has gotten SO hard.. Sometimes I barely make it 2 miles away to my parents house. Sometimes I can't go down the street to Asia Grill so I get it delievered. This scares me because it wasn't like this 2 years ago. Two years ago I had my 20 minutes. Once in a blue moon.. on a really good day.. I can drive 20 minutes now. But that's rare now.
Sorry.. I'm rambling.. Once I start I can't shut up. Anyway.. I think I need to get over my stubbornness and just make some doctors appointments I have been putting off.. Mainly the rheumatologist.. and now that I saw my neurologist on TV.. well I have to take that as a sign to see him. I want to ask him if the one brain MRI I had back in 2005 is enough to rule out M.S. and I also want to update him on some (what I believe to be) neurological problems that I have been experiencing more over the past few years.. New symptoms I didn;t have in 2005 when I saw him.
So yeah.. if you haven't seen "Mystery Diagnosis" watch it. Maybe one day you'll see me or my boyfriend on it.