m'birfday Turning 30 was stoopid.. Glad I'll never have to do it again. Some people forgot my birthday. Oh well. Guess my theory of invisibility lives on. But some of the people who DID remember made it worth not hanging myself I guess. afterlifekid and mitchy22 totally showered me with awesome gifts. And yes.. I got play-doh and you are so jealous.
Health Life has been quite uneventful. It's kind of hard to think of having an actual life when you feel like crap most of the time and are too tired and depressed from being tired and hurty.. blah blah blah.. whine.. whine.. whine.. But I did NOT give up yet on finding help to get better. I mean, for the past few years after my diagnoses were made, I thought, "Oh well. I guess this is it and I have to live with it".. But after a few years of living like this, I decided that I can't live like this... so I am NOT settling for these diagnoses. I am beginning to think that there is something more. and I don't just want to settle for having illnesses with no cures. So when I went to my Endocrinologist for my check up last week, we had a long talk. First of all, I was informed that my thyroid has been out of whack, so he adjusted my thyroid med. I don't feel any better yet. Second of all, he is going to do more extensive bloodwork on me after my brilliant boyfriend and I did a lil research and came across some things with my most troublesome symptoms that could be from things other than that which I have been diagnosed with. Namely lots of stuffs having to do with the Hypothalamus and Adrenal glands. I think the Pituitary too.. I can't remember right now.. I'm tired. So in a few weeks I am having a a slew of hormones and stuff checked out. Thirdly, my endocrinologist is sending me to another endocrinologist who he thinks could really look into my "case" and try to figure stuff out and do more extensive tests on me that he can't do. So yeah.. Another new doc. I know I said a long time ago that I was done with doctors and I didn't want to go to anymore.. but I am trying not to give up yet. I keep thinking there is this genius doctor out there who is going to properly diagnose me and fix me. Maybe I've just been watching too much of that show "Mystery Diagnosis" on the Discovery Health Channel.. I don't know.. All I know is I can't live the way I have been living the past few years.. There has to be SOMETHING that SOME doctor can figure out and fix. Sorry for ranting. There has just been a LOT of frustration I've been going through.. and not only with my healh and healthcare.. I find that doctors have been treating a lot of people I Love like they don't care to help them. Sorry.. I'll shut up about my health woes now.
Phone Phobia I have this strange phone phobia and I am scared of socializing and I am isolating myself too much again :( I tried calling an old friend of mine the other night and my worst fear came true.. I sounded retarded on the phone and I felt like I had nothing interesting or funny or clever to say and I felt like an ass and I wanted to crawl into a corner and die. And now I have plans with this friend in a few days and I am scared of socializing. Especially because I haven't seen this friend in like over a year. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? Why do I get so stupid nervous around humans? Yeah. so sorry to those of you who have felt like I have been ignoring you.. it's not just you.. I am scared of everyone.
Sorry this post is so damn boring to read I really have nothing else to say. I guess I'm just not very happy right now and I don't know how to change that... so I am typing. Sorry for wasting your precious and valuable interwebbing time.