(live) Blogging the One Month into a MUSHing Return aka the Descent into (s)Madness

[sixsh0t]

So it was about a month ago today that I decided to get back into the MUSH swing of things in lieu of other activities:

1. Social Life.
2. Winning Track and Field Gold.
3. Productive Side Projects that could make me a millionaire.

Initially, I expected I would be into it for a few weeks and then the tumultous chaos that is my life as a 29-year-old male would overtake me.  Or, I don't know, I'd get a girlfriend and have to do awful stuff like go places and do things.  Fortunately, neither has happened!  God bless the summer.

So here's my one month assessment, in no particular order of importance or appropriate grammatic tense.

• Dear god I have forgotten so much basic stuff: How to make a +bbpost.  How to write a pose.  How the combat system works (it took me about ten minutes to remember how to switch pilot modes).  
• Dear god I have forgotten so much story stuff: Literally daily I remember some obscure moment; they uncurl like onion layers in my brain.  The most recent example I recovered from my brainy depths: Suzaku has a long IC history of losing fights to Gundams, predating the Gundam Fight (he lost to a bunch of K-kats who are just Gundamtacular).  Another example: Zechs Merquise first encountered the ideas for Mobile Dolls inadvertently when bargaining with Laker Randolph to return to the EFA/A-LAWs with the Epyon.  Woops.
•  I cannot half-commit to a MUSH: Initially my plan was to regain activity with Suzaku, primarily via the Gundam Fight, and be a casual presence (scening every other week or so) as him.  Since making that decision, I've created a new squad and purpose for Isamu Dyson, regained Suzaku activity to try and "win" the Gundam Fight, re-apped for the 50000th time Zechs to begin a long-form plot arc, and am shopping around for a good Katharon alt.
• I've been surprised at my attention span for RP.  When I dropped off the grid, it was (I think) a few months after the Balmar TP.  I was much busier professionally and evenings spent MUSHing felt like a distraction rather than a pleasure.  While I'm still just as busy professionally, I think -- at least at the moment -- I'm better at compartmentalizing and leave that shit at work and not being as exhausted when I get home.  I don't know if this will hold, but so far so good.
• I was committed to RPing more frequently, but with less intensity.  I'd give myself a C+ on this goal; what I essentially analyzed about old MUSHing habits was that I'd do two things.  A) I would only commit to scenes I knew ahead of time were important, which marginalized opportunities for interesting happenings AND chicken/egg'd me since I was considered inactive -- thereby meaning nobody gave a fuck if I was at important scene ABC anyway.  B) It was a much larger mental commitment to write 5-page essays in hyper-emotional combat RP than a simple one on one social scene might take, meaning I felt I needed more gas in the tank to commit.  Why a C+, then?  I've been getting about one (maybe two) scenes in a week so far, but if I take out Gundam Fights, that number decreases drastically.
• You do not know who anyone is.  This can be a good thing as you have a very open mind about everyone; but it is a bad thing because there are literally people I want to talk to but I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FIND THEM?  Or I will be talking to someone to learn later that they are someone else who I know very well.
• It is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to get back involved.  MUSHers hate to say it, but they are territorial and generally self-interested in their own good time (myself included).  Also, by this point in the hobby, almost every single person has been doing this long enough to have cultivated subconscious instincts about how we want to participate in the hobby.  People you used to consider very good MUSH friends are now very good MUSH acquiantances who have moved on with their MUSH lives.  It is stupid to expect a red carpet and trumpets when you return to a hobby you straight up abandoned because those people have been there playing away with out you (and might even resent you!).  You have to wrestle your way back to both proving you're commited (for anyone to want to play with you and invest their time in you) and to remind them that you are a fun person to play with.  Or, you need to show a person who may have never known you at all (there are those too) that you are a fun person to play with.
• The above statement has EXCEPTIONS. A few people have been amazing friends in helping me and giving me hooks to work from so that I don't totally give up and go back to eating tacos and drinking whiskey (my preferred saturday night).
• Many things never change. There are still a lot of familiar faces and a lot of familiar goings-ons that remind me of things I really like about MUSHing and things I really don't like about MUSHing.  So far, the things I like outweight the things I dislike (or at least, they don't bother me as much).  As the investment curve goes up, however, who knows if that will remain true (as usually when you start to care more you start to want more).

In summary, one month down.  Outlook remains cautiously optimistic.