rambling.
I'm so fed up of not having enough any money to do anything.
Yesterday I completely went overdraft extreme cause I fucked up trying to help Mum with the shopping and now I'm, well, screwed. Payday from the job I've been doing this week, is next Friday but that's going straight back to my Dad, and well it sucks and it won't get any better when I'm back in Notts cause payday from work training won't get paid till October, so that's the whole of Returners Week that I am penniless.
I feel lonely too, I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone for about a month. Well a mini one with Clare and that was weeks ago and then the one before that with Buck sitting on the wall for about 2 hours, which at the time, I would've taken that as my only decent conversation of the year and been happy with never having another conversation with anyone again cause it was one of those, silence is absolutely fine conversations and I am happy sitting here with you without a care in the world talking about utter shit but utter shit which really means a lot and it's making me realise that sometimes that's all it takes, a conversation to take me back to the old days. But in the morning I was too hungover to remember exactly what we talked about, I know it was good, but yeah not the best of things to happen so that ruled that out.
It makes me sad. There are so many things I'm not happy/satisfied with but I feel like, in the spectrum of issues in life and the things that other people have to cope with, I should really shut up, grit my teeth and get on with it. It's really the same old stuff that I've not been happy with for ages and the things I change my mind about every time I change my socks... I suppose it's not that I'm not happy, it's just things could make me happier. And I know there are things I could do to change that but I doubt my ability to end things with success. And I'm also a bit fucked off because someone, who means a lot to me and who really shouldn't be doubting me at this early a stage in the scheme of things, doubts me.
I just need someone to ask me how I am, and to listen.
I really like Amy Winehouse's new song, but it's such a shame with everything to do with her. Also, Kate Nash, she's a bit like Marmite, I love her, my Mum hates her.
Alsoalso, Newton Faulkner! Mmmm new music is awesome.
I am waiting for the day that I am stuck in traffic singing my head off, believe me, I do sing my head off and i turn to my right and there's a whole car full of people watching me laughing and I will not be able to put my foot down and get away, music in this day and age - i sound like my grandma - shouldn't be so good.
What use is it to you, what's on my mind, if ain't coming out, we're not going anywhere.
Yesterday I completely went overdraft extreme cause I fucked up trying to help Mum with the shopping and now I'm, well, screwed. Payday from the job I've been doing this week, is next Friday but that's going straight back to my Dad, and well it sucks and it won't get any better when I'm back in Notts cause payday from work training won't get paid till October, so that's the whole of Returners Week that I am penniless.
I feel lonely too, I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone for about a month. Well a mini one with Clare and that was weeks ago and then the one before that with Buck sitting on the wall for about 2 hours, which at the time, I would've taken that as my only decent conversation of the year and been happy with never having another conversation with anyone again cause it was one of those, silence is absolutely fine conversations and I am happy sitting here with you without a care in the world talking about utter shit but utter shit which really means a lot and it's making me realise that sometimes that's all it takes, a conversation to take me back to the old days. But in the morning I was too hungover to remember exactly what we talked about, I know it was good, but yeah not the best of things to happen so that ruled that out.
It makes me sad. There are so many things I'm not happy/satisfied with but I feel like, in the spectrum of issues in life and the things that other people have to cope with, I should really shut up, grit my teeth and get on with it. It's really the same old stuff that I've not been happy with for ages and the things I change my mind about every time I change my socks... I suppose it's not that I'm not happy, it's just things could make me happier. And I know there are things I could do to change that but I doubt my ability to end things with success. And I'm also a bit fucked off because someone, who means a lot to me and who really shouldn't be doubting me at this early a stage in the scheme of things, doubts me.
I just need someone to ask me how I am, and to listen.
I really like Amy Winehouse's new song, but it's such a shame with everything to do with her. Also, Kate Nash, she's a bit like Marmite, I love her, my Mum hates her.
Alsoalso, Newton Faulkner! Mmmm new music is awesome.
I am waiting for the day that I am stuck in traffic singing my head off, believe me, I do sing my head off and i turn to my right and there's a whole car full of people watching me laughing and I will not be able to put my foot down and get away, music in this day and age - i sound like my grandma - shouldn't be so good.
What use is it to you, what's on my mind, if ain't coming out, we're not going anywhere.