What will your mother think? How will your father react?
What are the rules of the fourth date? I've been asking myself that all day. But to hell with the rules, right? Who makes them and why do we even follow them? Or am I the only one who seems to think that rules exist? I did tell myself that I am throwing the rules away and making my own. But what exactly did I throw away?
I am a confused mess right now. I have so much to say or write down, but putting my thoughts into coherent sentences at 1 am in the morning is actually quite difficult when I have been working every day this week and today, well, yesterday, or Friday, was my only day off. But I want to write it all down while everything is still fresh and in my mind. I guess that could be why I immediately changed into my sweatpants, threw my hair up, and put on my glasses after I kissed Brett goodnight. Somehow, this will motivate me to write.
Why do I like to overanalyze things? I've been trying to stop, but it's so difficult. I always look for the hidden meaning to things, but sometimes, there isn't one. I guess I just have trouble taking things at face value. I blame the environment that I was raised in. In my Asian family, nothing is what it seems. So much deception, I hate it.
I like to think of myself as an open book. For the most part, I really don't care what people think or know about me. I guess it's hard when I find others so mysterious. I really do have nothing to hide, but I guess most people pick and choose what kind of information they want to divulge. I guess a lot of people don't understand me. Two people who do are sleeping and another is in Michigan, but I am moving past that. I really want to wake one of my sisters up. I just need to talk to them, vent, well, not really, just share some thoughts that I accumulated today.
It's just hard to be with someone when I feel like they are holding back something. I found myself sitting and staring blankly off into the distance a lot tonight. It wasn't his fault, nor was it mine. For me, it was hard. I haven't been over a guy's house that I liked that much in a long time. I was such a nervous wreck today when Brett picked me up at 30th Street Station. I don't remember being that frazzled in such a long time. Actually, I am never that way. Usually, I am so calm and collected and completely in control of the situation. But today was so odd, my palms were sweaty, I stuttered and I couldn't even walk correctly in my stilettos. Usually, I can run in them so walking in them is not rocket science. But today, I was so nervous. I am still searching for the reason for all of this. I am sure there is a deeper meaning. I'll realize it soon enough.
The sad part is I think I know the real reason, but I don't want to admit it to myself just yet.
I am a confused mess right now. I have so much to say or write down, but putting my thoughts into coherent sentences at 1 am in the morning is actually quite difficult when I have been working every day this week and today, well, yesterday, or Friday, was my only day off. But I want to write it all down while everything is still fresh and in my mind. I guess that could be why I immediately changed into my sweatpants, threw my hair up, and put on my glasses after I kissed Brett goodnight. Somehow, this will motivate me to write.
Why do I like to overanalyze things? I've been trying to stop, but it's so difficult. I always look for the hidden meaning to things, but sometimes, there isn't one. I guess I just have trouble taking things at face value. I blame the environment that I was raised in. In my Asian family, nothing is what it seems. So much deception, I hate it.
I like to think of myself as an open book. For the most part, I really don't care what people think or know about me. I guess it's hard when I find others so mysterious. I really do have nothing to hide, but I guess most people pick and choose what kind of information they want to divulge. I guess a lot of people don't understand me. Two people who do are sleeping and another is in Michigan, but I am moving past that. I really want to wake one of my sisters up. I just need to talk to them, vent, well, not really, just share some thoughts that I accumulated today.
It's just hard to be with someone when I feel like they are holding back something. I found myself sitting and staring blankly off into the distance a lot tonight. It wasn't his fault, nor was it mine. For me, it was hard. I haven't been over a guy's house that I liked that much in a long time. I was such a nervous wreck today when Brett picked me up at 30th Street Station. I don't remember being that frazzled in such a long time. Actually, I am never that way. Usually, I am so calm and collected and completely in control of the situation. But today was so odd, my palms were sweaty, I stuttered and I couldn't even walk correctly in my stilettos. Usually, I can run in them so walking in them is not rocket science. But today, I was so nervous. I am still searching for the reason for all of this. I am sure there is a deeper meaning. I'll realize it soon enough.
The sad part is I think I know the real reason, but I don't want to admit it to myself just yet.