sweat for me, show me what you're working with...
I believe I have reached my limit, which is to say I'm absolutely, positively, unbelievably fed the fuck up with myself, with Bubba, and with our combined apathy to life as of late.
(And I mean life in the most general, unspecified manner possible because there is no one thing we feel passionate about anymore and it's beyond frustrating, not to mention patently ridiculous. We are in our early twenties! We have college degrees! We have jobs! We basically have the world at our fingertips and we are wasting our fucking time and energy on nothing but bullshit! What the actual fuck, you know?)
It appears that though we have done quite a lot to establish ourselves as productive, contributing members of society over the last several months, we've also managed to work ourselves into a fantastic rut in the process. Also we have pretty fucking clearly been feeding each others' bad habits; his lack of motivation is my lack of motivation is our lack of motivation, if you get my drift. I've decided that I'm just... through with it, completely and totally.
SO I'M GONNA FIX IT.
To do so I've been examining aspects of my life I'm unhappy with and would like to change. I'm starting small, with things I can viably change now, because otherwise I'm just fantasizing grandly and what the hell is that gonna get me? Exactly what I have at the moment, which is nothing but misery and apathy, apparently, if my latest entries (spare though they've been) are anything to go by.
First things first: spring fucking cleaning!
Thursday, I went through my desk drawers and through boxes that I had still not unpacked since moving from Berkeley, almost a year ago. Bubba joined in after about thirty minutes, because basically, if I'm working and he's sitting on his ass, he feels like a failure. (Why yes, I do fully intend to use this to my advantage, why do you ask?) All this sorting resulted in a shit ton of stuff to recycle, mostly in the form of paper. Good fuck was there a lot of paper. My apologies to trees are boundless.
But the important thing is WE DON'T HAVE THAT GARBAGE IN OUR APARTMENT ANYMORE, so WIN!11!1!! like times a million.
Yesterday we gave the same treatment to clothes. Two boxes (one of which is half filled with bright yellow Cal shirts with "staff" on the back) are now sitting is People's Park, waiting to be owned by the locals. There is a very large part of me that is amused by the fact that some of Berkeley's homeless are now going to be wearing one of its business's staff shirts. Some of the local street punks are also going to be finding some really awesome stuff, because Bubba decided to get rid of a good chunk of his punk-days scraps. He may or may not have teared up, but at least we are both solid in our knowledge that we may've just made some kid's fucking week.
Tomorrow morning, I tackle my kitchen!
After my cleaning, which I suspect will take the next week or so to actually get through, I have plans to start organizing. I want to set up an trufax filing system, so Bubba and I can get on top of our finances a little more. I want to cut, ruthlessly, the spending we don't need to do. I want to do this so that we can start saving an emergency fund but also so that we can have DECORATING FUNDS.
Because I want to jazz our place up like whoa. I've been browsing through places like Delicious for DIY ideas and I've found some legit and really awesome ones I want to try. I wanna make my own headboard outta linoleum tiles! I wanna repaint old furniture in funky colors! I wanna plant a patio garden! I wanna build spice racks and pot racks and turn our home into a fucking HOME already.
I'm also looking inwardly, as is necessary, and being brutally honest with myself, which I think I've been falling down on lately.
For instance, this realization: I am not ready to teach right now.
In fact, I am so not ready it ceased being amusing, like, yesterday. There is still far too much I need to learn, about myself and the education system itself before I decide that teaching is the right path for me. More than that, I need to be realistic on what is actually achievable right now. Teaching is not going to happen overnight, no matter how much I will it, but especially not when funds are being cut by the shit ton and teachers are being laid off left and right. My application to Mills is 99% guaranteed to come back with an equivalent of "thanks but no thanks" and this is probably for the best. I'm going to put feet to the pavement this fall, in terms of getting myself into local classrooms, and I'm going to looking into community college classes, on education and business, because my life is ahead of me and I think I'm ready to seize it.
Boy am I am fucking ready to seize it.
I hope to detail some of the changes I make, because I think that'll help me keep track of my ideas. Some of them are bound to be fantastical, because that's what I do, come up with fantasies, but I'm also looking forward to some realism. HURRAH and what not, to making an attempt to get one's shit together.
This entry was originally posted at http://sitonamicrowave.dreamwidth.org/431465.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
(And I mean life in the most general, unspecified manner possible because there is no one thing we feel passionate about anymore and it's beyond frustrating, not to mention patently ridiculous. We are in our early twenties! We have college degrees! We have jobs! We basically have the world at our fingertips and we are wasting our fucking time and energy on nothing but bullshit! What the actual fuck, you know?)
It appears that though we have done quite a lot to establish ourselves as productive, contributing members of society over the last several months, we've also managed to work ourselves into a fantastic rut in the process. Also we have pretty fucking clearly been feeding each others' bad habits; his lack of motivation is my lack of motivation is our lack of motivation, if you get my drift. I've decided that I'm just... through with it, completely and totally.
SO I'M GONNA FIX IT.
To do so I've been examining aspects of my life I'm unhappy with and would like to change. I'm starting small, with things I can viably change now, because otherwise I'm just fantasizing grandly and what the hell is that gonna get me? Exactly what I have at the moment, which is nothing but misery and apathy, apparently, if my latest entries (spare though they've been) are anything to go by.
First things first: spring fucking cleaning!
Thursday, I went through my desk drawers and through boxes that I had still not unpacked since moving from Berkeley, almost a year ago. Bubba joined in after about thirty minutes, because basically, if I'm working and he's sitting on his ass, he feels like a failure. (Why yes, I do fully intend to use this to my advantage, why do you ask?) All this sorting resulted in a shit ton of stuff to recycle, mostly in the form of paper. Good fuck was there a lot of paper. My apologies to trees are boundless.
But the important thing is WE DON'T HAVE THAT GARBAGE IN OUR APARTMENT ANYMORE, so WIN!11!1!! like times a million.
Yesterday we gave the same treatment to clothes. Two boxes (one of which is half filled with bright yellow Cal shirts with "staff" on the back) are now sitting is People's Park, waiting to be owned by the locals. There is a very large part of me that is amused by the fact that some of Berkeley's homeless are now going to be wearing one of its business's staff shirts. Some of the local street punks are also going to be finding some really awesome stuff, because Bubba decided to get rid of a good chunk of his punk-days scraps. He may or may not have teared up, but at least we are both solid in our knowledge that we may've just made some kid's fucking week.
Tomorrow morning, I tackle my kitchen!
After my cleaning, which I suspect will take the next week or so to actually get through, I have plans to start organizing. I want to set up an trufax filing system, so Bubba and I can get on top of our finances a little more. I want to cut, ruthlessly, the spending we don't need to do. I want to do this so that we can start saving an emergency fund but also so that we can have DECORATING FUNDS.
Because I want to jazz our place up like whoa. I've been browsing through places like Delicious for DIY ideas and I've found some legit and really awesome ones I want to try. I wanna make my own headboard outta linoleum tiles! I wanna repaint old furniture in funky colors! I wanna plant a patio garden! I wanna build spice racks and pot racks and turn our home into a fucking HOME already.
I'm also looking inwardly, as is necessary, and being brutally honest with myself, which I think I've been falling down on lately.
For instance, this realization: I am not ready to teach right now.
In fact, I am so not ready it ceased being amusing, like, yesterday. There is still far too much I need to learn, about myself and the education system itself before I decide that teaching is the right path for me. More than that, I need to be realistic on what is actually achievable right now. Teaching is not going to happen overnight, no matter how much I will it, but especially not when funds are being cut by the shit ton and teachers are being laid off left and right. My application to Mills is 99% guaranteed to come back with an equivalent of "thanks but no thanks" and this is probably for the best. I'm going to put feet to the pavement this fall, in terms of getting myself into local classrooms, and I'm going to looking into community college classes, on education and business, because my life is ahead of me and I think I'm ready to seize it.
Boy am I am fucking ready to seize it.
I hope to detail some of the changes I make, because I think that'll help me keep track of my ideas. Some of them are bound to be fantastical, because that's what I do, come up with fantasies, but I'm also looking forward to some realism. HURRAH and what not, to making an attempt to get one's shit together.
This entry was originally posted at http://sitonamicrowave.dreamwidth.org/431465.html. Please comment there using OpenID.