Thoughts and rambling of a (lost) 22 year old girl.
I feel like when I was younger, my dreams used to be bigger. I was pretty certain that I wanted to be a lawyer. And then I wanted to be a psychologist. After I entered polytechnic and majored in my course, I thought that I wanted to do something that's related to the silver industry. But then again, I'm not that good with old people so...scrap that. Now that I've actually entered the workforce industry, I have no idea what is my dream job.
Only 1.5 years of experience in the real working world. Do I want to work in someplace sociology-related? Ever since I entered my late teens, it feels like my dreams/goals are getting smaller. I don't think it's actually a bad thing? My mindset these days: It's good enough that i have a job. Good enough that I have money. I'm in insurance-related admin work and I'm kinda certain it's not want i want to do in the long run. I'm kinda meh when it comes to business (never really had any interest in it), but I do like admin work. I just have no idea what's my dream job.
Feels like I'm stuck and going nowhere ever since I graduated from polytechnic. Life feels..dreary.I'm somewhat happy, yes, but you can only feel excited with a 10-5/6 admin job for so long. I really wanted to go into full-time uni studies but at the same time, I want a proper income as well. Can't have both and juggling both of them right now is making me confused. There are days where I'm tempted to quit my job and go into full-time studying. And there are days where I just want to put a halt to my studies and carry on working. And then go back to studying sometime in the future. I've received advice and opinions from several friends, but at the end of the day, I'm still the one who has to make the decision.
I feel frustrated because WHAT IS IT THAT I REALLY WANT. HAHAHA. Do I want to study? Or do I want to focus on finding the ideal career for myself? It's really easy to think, ''Okay. I can do this. It can't be that hard''. And it's easy to throw in the towel when you feel frustrated. But trying to motivate yourself to see through it...that's the tough part. Some people say, ''Aiya, suffer now. Enjoy later.'' But sometimes you think, ''Why should I put myself through things that I don't want to do?''. Why waste away the years of my life? I admit that I'm guilty of such thoughts. Haha okay, bebual macam paham, but really..that's how I feel.
Personally, I don't really have really big dreams/goals in life. Okay,it might sound like I have no 'direction' in life. But I like going with the flow (or maybe it's because I'm too lazy to have big goals/dreams in life HAHAHA). K la, no point whining about it since I gotta suck it up anyway. What to dooooooooooooooo. I wish myself luck in finding my direction in life (and my dream job). Basically, all I want to do is study and travel (but I cannot do that if I don't work HAHAHAHA).
Okay, it's back to work for me tomorrow (sigh). Hope I'll be able to sort my thoughts out soon enough. Thinking about these issues always makes me feel troubled and I hate feeling like that. It's tiring. Like I have nothing to look forward to. But most importantly, I am thankful for His blessings and what he has gifted with me. Sometimes, it's easy to get caught up on negative thoughts that we forget to be thankful for the small little blessings.