Stronger Than This (10/11) Brittany: Go On
Title: Stronger than This. (10/11) Brittany: Go On
Pairing: Santana/Brittany; Santana/Puck bromance
Rating: R (For Language)
Summary: Brittany’s POV a month after “Sexy”. This fic starts with some pent up Santana angst and builds to battle royal at prom.
Spoilers: Season 2: Sexy
Chapt 1: Santana - Chapt 2: Artie - Chapt 3:Puck - Chapt 4: Rachel -
Chapt 5:Finn - Chapt 6: Santana - Chapt 7: Kurt - Chapt 8: Quinn
Chapt 9: Brittany (Part 1) - (Part 2) - Chapt 10: Brittany
Chapter 10
Brittany: Go On
Sam sings next: a song called “Heaven,” by Bryan Adam’s. My adrenaline carries me through the first half of his song. It’s a beautiful song and Sam is much more talented than he’s credited for. Everyone was performing well tonight. Yet, by the time Tina takes the stage, I feel numb and sick. Tina sings “Innocence,” to Mike by Avril Lavigne, and makes it beautifully through the whole song. She jumps from the stage into his arms.
Everyone is dancing now. Twirls of deep colored dresses spin and sway… as much as they’d deny, it’s obvious the whole school was enjoying our prom ballads. Yet, despite the smiles and laughter around me though, I feel terrible.
Looking around, I don’t see Santana anymore. She was probably off in a closet with someone. I didn’t care. I just felt sick and wanted to go. “Hey Artie, I don’t feel well. I think the chicken parmesan gave me chicken-pox. Would you mind if we left soon?”
“Not at all,” Artie gives a half grin… “But it’s my solo next... mind if I do it first?”
“Of course,” I shake my head, “I’m sorry. I totally forgot.” I help Artie get to the back stage during Lauren’s number. She’s all punked out, not so much singing, but screaming into the microphone… causing a total riot. Kids are jumping now. She’s jamming out to Pink’s “So What!” The song has nothing to do with love, but the crowd, especially the singles, are having fun dancing to it. She looks like a rock star with her cherry red lips and rock moves. Surprisingly, Puck seems to be the only one not on the dance floor watching her. I can’t help but wonder where he’s gone.
The stage crew and I lift Artie’s chair to the stage. “I can take it from here,” he smiles at me. “Find a place to listen. Go on”
As I round the room to get a good listening spot, my boyfriend wheels himself to the middle of the stage. Taking the microphone, he lets out a breath. “I’ll be singing ‘Absolute’ by the Fray.” He says to the crowd then turns his attention to me. “Pay attention, Brittany.”
Before the music starts, my heart rises to my throat.
As the intro music begins to play, I can’t help but look around the room to my friends. Kurt stands against the wall now, frowning and watching the floor. Quinn and Puck sit heads bowed in their seats. It seems the whole glee club has lowered their eyes to me. How did everyone know? They all seem so disappointed. My stupid cat was such a big mouth… I needed to hide my diary better.
Despite the distractions, I do my best to listen to every word of Artie’s lyrics. Artie looks nervously in my direction and then opens his mouth.
I’ve seen this one before,
Of the girl who gets away.
Everybody knows it,
But no one tries to stop it.
‘Cause she barely even knows him,
But if she could see inside,
Everything is quiet as he waits
For her to tell him who she is.
I wince. Maybe he wasn’t singing about me, I think…
She wants to be a dancer
And he has got her picture on the wall.
Nope, nope… definitely about me. As Artie sings, his eyes watch me through the next few lines.
Quiet, but I’m sure there is something there.
Tell me everything, cause I want to hear.
Quiet, but I’m sure there is something there,
Tell me everything, cause I want to hear.
Each time the line repeats, I know that Artie is begging me to talk to him, to tell him. My cheeks flush and I can’t help but be grateful that no one is looking at me.
Quiet, but I’m sure there is something here,
Tell me everything, cause I want to hear
All month, he’d been nearly begging me to tell him why I’ve been different. I couldn’t explain it. I had been a pro at avoiding his subtlety. Playing dumb had got me out of far worse. I thought that those feelings would go away, but watching him now, upset, I don’t know. I didn’t know that trying not to hurt Artie was just hurting him worse…. It seemed unfair. I couldn’t win.
Truth is, Artie does matter to me; he matters a lot. I do love being around him… but still… I loved her more. I knew. I looked around the room at my friends’ faces turned toward the walls and the floor, turned everywhere, but on us… and they all knew.
The only way to win with Artie is to lose him. The realization hits like a punch to the stomach. His singing eyes are sad moons watching me. I bite my lip. Already, I miss my best friend.
When the song ends, I somberly watch Artie put the microphone back in the stand and wheel again alone to the side of the stage. Looking up from the shame, Quinn watches me with big pleading eyes. I nod to her. “I know.”
Passing the huddled couples, I make my way to the back stage area. Artie’s wheels are tangled a bit in speaker wire. It only takes a second to untangle them. Instead of thanking me, he’s watching me leery.
“You’re song...” I start, then stop. I’m not sure what to say so I stall a moment searching his eyes. “Artie … I’m sorry.” I choke up. My throat feels small. “I should have talked to you. I know.”
“You should have.”
I was drowning. “What am I suppose to do? Artie, you’re my best friend.” I shake my head. “I don’t know what to say.”
Calmly and kindly, Artie takes my hand. His kindness and patience makes this harder. “Just tell me what’s in your heart,” he says. “Thinks haven’t been the same for a while now. Talk to me.”
I sigh. “Artie, you’ve become such a close friend. And I do care about you so much, I do…” He winces. God this was hard. “I don’t want to lose your friendship.” I wait for him to fill in the rest, but he waits, not offering to help. Who was playing dumb now? “I thought I could keep both of you. I thought I’d never lose Santana. I never expected her to…” I stop myself. “I love her.”
“You love Santana?” He asks this with total shock on his face. Tiny jig-saw puzzle pieces comes together in his head forming a single clear picture. He zones out. “I knew there was something, but I didn’t know…”
“I’m going to stop,” I cut in. “I’m going to stop loving her.”
He’s hurt; he’s searching for understanding. I feel terrible. “Brittany,” he says slowly, “You can’t just force yourself to not love someone.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
He shakes his head, and then rolls his chair back. I protest. “Don’t leave!” He stops. “You’re a good person Artie. You deserve to be happy.” My face is full of tears. What had I done?
“I do… but…” He pauses, “You don’t think you deserve to be happy too?”
The room fades away around us. His words hit. “Listen,” He says, “I don’t want to be with someone just because they’re being nice. I wanna be with someone who loves me more than anyone else. I’m not going to get in the way of your happiness. If you love her, then tell her.”
I search the room of acquaintances a moment before coming back to his familiar face. “Can we still be friends, Artie?”
He sighs considering this. “One day… not today.” My expression falls, “But soon.”
I stand searching his dismal eyes. “Go on,” he says urging me forward. “Find her.”
I kiss Artie’s cheek for the last time. It brings a stark lingering pain. “Go on,” he whispers. His eyes brim with tears. Painfully, I walk away.
The swarm of students around me is thick and busy. I search the crowd for her, recognizing only Kurt’s familiar face. I have to yell to be heard over the noise. “Have you seen Santana?” As Kurt shakes his head no, the lights shut off.
Principal Figgins stands center stage now with an envelope in hand. His bored eyes and drab tone bring down the room. The thick accent in his voice makes it hard to understand a word he’s saying. I learned the art of talking to him early on and perfected the ‘Oh that’s so interesting ‘ face expression. It worked in every conversation. ‘Brittany you’re suspended.. Oh that’s so interesting.’ ‘Brittany you won a million dollars… Oh that’s so interesting.’
He’s saying something now about Prom royalty. The drums roll and he opens the envelope. The room is silent as Principal Figgins reads the card. “Finn Hudson!” A light finds Finn in the crowd as we cheer. Our King: No surprise there.
Beside him I can’t help but watch Quinn, as they’re about to announce the name of the new prom queen. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her emerald dress shimmers beside Finn. Figgins tears open the envelope and already she’s blushing, her cheeks softly growing pink. I’m sure her practiced reaction of surprise was going to be graceful and yet still seem entirely sincere, but as Principal Figgins says the name, instead of grace, Quinn’s face shows complete horror. Immediately with fired eyes, she looks to me.
I hear gasps of surprise and glee all around me. Even Artie shoots me a proud smile from across the room. Suddenly, a bright spotlight hits me from above. Were aliens taking me away? Too much was happening at once.
“I said Brittany S. Pierce.” Principal Figgins repeats.
From behind, Kurt pushes me forward. “It’s you.” He says with a huge grin. “Go on.”
Before I can realize what’s happening, the crowd splits and Finn stands in his tailored tuxedo on the dance floor, in the center of the circled onlookers. Me? He takes my hand.
I duck, as Becky Jackson places a glittering tiara on my head. Finn has to kneel as she puts on his gold crown. Still the shock stuns me. “Now,” Figgins adds, “We’ll have the royalty dance.”
Puck takes the stage with a knowing grin and riffs his guitar softly. I recognize the music right away: Shania Twain. Like a gentleman, Finn spins pulls me around and we begin to dance.
Right away, I recognize the raspy voice in the speakers. I look up to see Santana walk to center stage. Her voice is thick and sexy.
From this moment, Life has begun.
From this moment, you are the one.
Right beside you, is where I belong,
From this moment on…
She’s singing to me. The twinkling lights, the crowd around, and the balloons fade
From this moment, I have been blessed
I live only, for your happiness
And for your love, I’ll give my last breath
From this moment on.
As Santana steps down the front steps from the stage, Finn lets me go to her. “Go on,” he whispers. She stands before me, eyes locked in mine. Each word feels like a gift. Her mocha skin and dark eyes capture me. Lips full and singing with her every breath. I watch every movement in Santana’s face.
You’re the reason I believe in love.
And you’re the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us.
My dream came true because of you
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this.
There is nothing that I wouldn’t give
From this moment on.
Apart from the lyrics, Santana asks, “Dance with me.” It’s the instrumental section of the song now. I can’t believe that she doesn’t care that everyone is watching. She takes my hand and spins me around. The pale blue fabric twirls against her deep purple before tethering to it. My arms drape around her neck. She stares with her smoldering eyes into mine. And daringly smiles with them.
Leaning into my ear, she whispers, her voice leaving cat tracks against my exposed skin. “Even though this is just for a moment, I’m happy. I’ll live with just this” I smile into her neck. I say nothing, instead I hold her tight. Her familiar smell and touch warms me. She whispers again, pulling back to make eye contact with me. Her solid brown eyes capture me. “I know that if Artie wanted to, he could take you away; or someone new might come along. But no one will ever take this moment from us. Okay?”
I nod into her, clutching her to me. For those few minutes, we were the only people in that crowded room. I can’t believe I thought a moment ago that I could let her go; when now I could do nothing but pull her close.
Everyone watches me dance as I spin out and come back to her. I can see their faces smiling up at me, shinning in my shimmery blue dress, my prom crown, my glory, but they could see I was only smiling at her.
Every time Santana pulls me close to her, I know they think she is the luckiest girl in the world… but really, it was me.