breaking heart
IF it is all the same this will be kinda jump around things. and you might not understand but i don't expect anyone to understand, no one understands me. wether my problems be worse than others or not so bad that doesn't mean they don't count.
i feel alone though i'm surounded by friends and family none of them really know me, but they think they do.
i spend most of my days trapped inside my mind though this may be a free place to speak freely i feel like i'm going to get shot up on the block if i do.
every one says they know what i'm going through, no they don't. some of them have never even delt with a strong loss and if they had they are not me everything that happens to us has different ways on us. like music.
i deal with many pressures every day.
i can feel the water filling up in my eyes but i'm to proud or scared to let them out.
i have no one to talk to anymore. a few weeks ago we found out that we were 2000 dollars behind in rent. when i started talking to my mom about my cos. who lives with us and how she was still driving me up the wall about making a mess over the house after it was just cleaned.
and suddenly she started yelling at me and told me she didn't want to hear it.
i felt like i was hit by a truck... all the times she told me if i ever need to talk i could come to her.
and every day it gets worse. i came home from a trip and found out that her boyfriend who helps pay most of the bills lost his job.
i don't know what to do or think anymore.
my mind is lost in this valley of darkness and there isn't the smallest flicker of light.
i pray to god to help and make things better. and ask him to tell me what should i do, but he doesn't answer back.
i work hard at my job, i help out at home, i feel like i've been replaced and i'm just a slave with dreams.
they are another thing i turn to, but they are not real.
i'm homesick for my real home with the rest of my family that as left this world. i long to give my heart to a man that i can trust and will hold me when i need someone. i'm starting to feel like that will never come true either.
i feel alone though i'm surounded by friends and family none of them really know me, but they think they do.
i spend most of my days trapped inside my mind though this may be a free place to speak freely i feel like i'm going to get shot up on the block if i do.
every one says they know what i'm going through, no they don't. some of them have never even delt with a strong loss and if they had they are not me everything that happens to us has different ways on us. like music.
i deal with many pressures every day.
i can feel the water filling up in my eyes but i'm to proud or scared to let them out.
i have no one to talk to anymore. a few weeks ago we found out that we were 2000 dollars behind in rent. when i started talking to my mom about my cos. who lives with us and how she was still driving me up the wall about making a mess over the house after it was just cleaned.
and suddenly she started yelling at me and told me she didn't want to hear it.
i felt like i was hit by a truck... all the times she told me if i ever need to talk i could come to her.
and every day it gets worse. i came home from a trip and found out that her boyfriend who helps pay most of the bills lost his job.
i don't know what to do or think anymore.
my mind is lost in this valley of darkness and there isn't the smallest flicker of light.
i pray to god to help and make things better. and ask him to tell me what should i do, but he doesn't answer back.
i work hard at my job, i help out at home, i feel like i've been replaced and i'm just a slave with dreams.
they are another thing i turn to, but they are not real.
i'm homesick for my real home with the rest of my family that as left this world. i long to give my heart to a man that i can trust and will hold me when i need someone. i'm starting to feel like that will never come true either.