Marriage and Ownership
Needed to write this out to think about it properly and get it out of my brain. On the Book of Face, one of my friends had made a comment on a Dr Phil status asking people what they think about open marriage. So, I went over and sifted through some of the comments. Gah, so should not have done that!!! What struck me though is that for the disagreeing side there seemed to be two main deep arguments - 1. God says no/Bible disagrees ie. I take no moral responsibility for myself and take all my moral/ethical/social instruction from my paster, religious leader etc. 2. Marriage is for 2 people/I dont want anyone else touching my man or woman ie. jealousy/ownership.
There was a big push of 'I married him/her now he/she is mine'. Ok, so not in those words, but that is the underlying feel of the ideas. And it is that sentiment that I dont agree with. Marriage is NOT about ownership. I do not OWN the Peon, nor does he OWN me. I will make choices as I please and do what I want, but, because I love and respect him, I will always take his needs/wants/concerns into account when making those choices. And, as far as I know, he does the same thing. I do not have the right to tell him 'you cant do that'. I can ask him not to do something if it will impact negatively on me. And that is why having amazingly good communication in a relationship is so important.
I dont stay married to the Peon because I feel a contractual obligation, either spiritual or civil. I dont stay with him because I feel compelled. I stay with him because I love him, I am comfortable in his company, we complement one another, and we have an amazing bond. I stay with him because my life feels complete with him as a part of it. There is no ownership. His love is not my property, neither is his mind or body. And I dont think I could be as happy with him if he felt like I was his in that way either.
There was a big push of 'I married him/her now he/she is mine'. Ok, so not in those words, but that is the underlying feel of the ideas. And it is that sentiment that I dont agree with. Marriage is NOT about ownership. I do not OWN the Peon, nor does he OWN me. I will make choices as I please and do what I want, but, because I love and respect him, I will always take his needs/wants/concerns into account when making those choices. And, as far as I know, he does the same thing. I do not have the right to tell him 'you cant do that'. I can ask him not to do something if it will impact negatively on me. And that is why having amazingly good communication in a relationship is so important.
I dont stay married to the Peon because I feel a contractual obligation, either spiritual or civil. I dont stay with him because I feel compelled. I stay with him because I love him, I am comfortable in his company, we complement one another, and we have an amazing bond. I stay with him because my life feels complete with him as a part of it. There is no ownership. His love is not my property, neither is his mind or body. And I dont think I could be as happy with him if he felt like I was his in that way either.