vegan fancy cookies
See, what i don't understand is that some guys out there are downright in raptures about me... they love me, can't get enough of me. Granted "some" equates to about 3 men in my life in the past 5 years...but still, they're friggen obsessed. Now, if i could only harness that obsession, turn it into a crystaline substance of some sort, grind it up and sprinkle it into a batch of yummy vegan oatmeal cookies. Then if i find a lad i fancy and i want to trigger that fondness for me that they'll eventually feel (get bored with and later discard), i can just hand them a cookie, smile and be on my way.
If only life were that simple, and I that twisted. Its just hilarious how much pining one does in their lifetime over people who don't notice them in the least.
And not just romantic pining...i wish people didn't tire of me so easily. What is it about me that at first intrigues people and then once they've unveiled the mystery that they so infallibly have solved, well that's it isn't it? No more fun to be had, no more frollicing, no more friendship, no more intrigue. Everything is solved and nothing is left to be desired, not even my less mysterious company. Another thing i hate. When i write things like this, undoubtedly someone is going to say that this spawns from a low self esteem (and probobly someone who hasn't spoken to me in months, obviously cares about me and will undoubtedly get offended by this... fabulous) well bite me. This is not the ramblings of a masochist. I know i have self esteem issues, but i also know what i see, and what i feel. I know when someone stops calling me and stops wishing to hang out with me... iknow what that means, boy or girl, i know. I know that when i run into them in public and an awkward silence prevails over what once would have been occupied by genuinely glad conversation, that something has changed. I am not a wholly confident person, and neither are those who accuse me of being such. I say these things not to get smacked down with a reproachful glare and a shaking of the head and finger, "now now erin, what have i told you about thinking bad about yourself? I will not hear it." That makes me just as angry as the people who ignore me. By audibly caring, so much that you fail to hear the logic in anything remotely negative that i may think about something, you shake your finger and poke it in my eye with your logic, with your ideal of happiness that i should shape up and figure out. Stop thinking in this manner, perhaps. You know when people don't want to be with you. You know when something has changed. You know when they fancy someone else. Even if you don't... you can feel it, hear it... you Know when there is change the world, least of all, someone. I just wish people could be honest when this change has occured. Tell me that you've tired of me. Delete me in some manner that i can understand. Have a backbone and be kind, tell me rather than diplomatically let time heal whatever slight you may have done, whatever annoyance i may have caused. My fault, or yours... i tell you everything, and you hadn't even the courtesy to oblige me as well.
once again, man delights not me...how can i ever improve my self esteem when humanity disappoints me so well.
e
If only life were that simple, and I that twisted. Its just hilarious how much pining one does in their lifetime over people who don't notice them in the least.
And not just romantic pining...i wish people didn't tire of me so easily. What is it about me that at first intrigues people and then once they've unveiled the mystery that they so infallibly have solved, well that's it isn't it? No more fun to be had, no more frollicing, no more friendship, no more intrigue. Everything is solved and nothing is left to be desired, not even my less mysterious company. Another thing i hate. When i write things like this, undoubtedly someone is going to say that this spawns from a low self esteem (and probobly someone who hasn't spoken to me in months, obviously cares about me and will undoubtedly get offended by this... fabulous) well bite me. This is not the ramblings of a masochist. I know i have self esteem issues, but i also know what i see, and what i feel. I know when someone stops calling me and stops wishing to hang out with me... iknow what that means, boy or girl, i know. I know that when i run into them in public and an awkward silence prevails over what once would have been occupied by genuinely glad conversation, that something has changed. I am not a wholly confident person, and neither are those who accuse me of being such. I say these things not to get smacked down with a reproachful glare and a shaking of the head and finger, "now now erin, what have i told you about thinking bad about yourself? I will not hear it." That makes me just as angry as the people who ignore me. By audibly caring, so much that you fail to hear the logic in anything remotely negative that i may think about something, you shake your finger and poke it in my eye with your logic, with your ideal of happiness that i should shape up and figure out. Stop thinking in this manner, perhaps. You know when people don't want to be with you. You know when something has changed. You know when they fancy someone else. Even if you don't... you can feel it, hear it... you Know when there is change the world, least of all, someone. I just wish people could be honest when this change has occured. Tell me that you've tired of me. Delete me in some manner that i can understand. Have a backbone and be kind, tell me rather than diplomatically let time heal whatever slight you may have done, whatever annoyance i may have caused. My fault, or yours... i tell you everything, and you hadn't even the courtesy to oblige me as well.
once again, man delights not me...how can i ever improve my self esteem when humanity disappoints me so well.
e