In The Words Of The Beatles..."Let It Be"
There can be no greater wisdom in any of their music than that line which is bringing me a strange sense of acceptance.
I am tired because I am on less than 3 hours of sleep at the moment and I find that there is some kind of groggy world of half reality where I am dwelling. I have found myself in a fog that even sleep will not cure. While my mind and body feel clear and on course after I go to the gym, I find that when I am home, I crave it like an addiction. Perhaps it is because it is the only escape from the house that seems determined to swallow my soul. Or could it be because I am really a Vampire who feeds off of the emotions of others, and I have drained those in my home to the point of no return? I don't know where the answer lies, only that I am in a daze and I can't seem to pull out.
I am full of hunger for a life that readily rejects me and yet draws me in with both arms. This life that I am living is nothing more than an existence of contradictions. How is it possible and how can I marry the two halves of my own being so that instead of being two parts of a whole, I am a whole of two parts?
In the distance is a funny kind of torch-lit mirage of peace and pleasure, but is it more of my own self delusional creations, or am I really going to pull out of my slump.
I remember being a little girl, when I lived with my mother and my first step dad Joseph in South Dakota(Beautiful place..really). I used to dance in the livingroom at night, when the light would reflect from the dining room onto the darkened TV screen. And I would beg my mother to play my own collection of (Cough Cough) Eight-Track tapes. I had everything that the Beatles had put out. I would just dance and dance and dance like I was a star on TV and I was special. I didn't care that I was in a great big, oversized white (bleh) T- shirt. I could watch my little ringlets bounce as I spun around and around and around. Most likely I would have a purple stained tongue from my popcicle and my mother would laugh at me. I would just let myself get caught up in the moment and try to forget the way my dad smelled like raw meat all the time, because he worked at a meat packing plant. I would try and pretend that my mother had not slapped my face for some infraction and I would pretend that I was a fairy princess who just hadn't figured out how to use my wings to get away from it all.
The only thing that I could use to fly away was my music.
Its getting hard for me to just get away in the music. I want to be dancing but my body denies me. My soul dances in silence on the front porch so that I can excape the reality that is my life.
I am going swimmming today.Maybe, just maybe I will feel better when I am done.
Bloody Kisses,
SisterSinister
I am tired because I am on less than 3 hours of sleep at the moment and I find that there is some kind of groggy world of half reality where I am dwelling. I have found myself in a fog that even sleep will not cure. While my mind and body feel clear and on course after I go to the gym, I find that when I am home, I crave it like an addiction. Perhaps it is because it is the only escape from the house that seems determined to swallow my soul. Or could it be because I am really a Vampire who feeds off of the emotions of others, and I have drained those in my home to the point of no return? I don't know where the answer lies, only that I am in a daze and I can't seem to pull out.
I am full of hunger for a life that readily rejects me and yet draws me in with both arms. This life that I am living is nothing more than an existence of contradictions. How is it possible and how can I marry the two halves of my own being so that instead of being two parts of a whole, I am a whole of two parts?
In the distance is a funny kind of torch-lit mirage of peace and pleasure, but is it more of my own self delusional creations, or am I really going to pull out of my slump.
I remember being a little girl, when I lived with my mother and my first step dad Joseph in South Dakota(Beautiful place..really). I used to dance in the livingroom at night, when the light would reflect from the dining room onto the darkened TV screen. And I would beg my mother to play my own collection of (Cough Cough) Eight-Track tapes. I had everything that the Beatles had put out. I would just dance and dance and dance like I was a star on TV and I was special. I didn't care that I was in a great big, oversized white (bleh) T- shirt. I could watch my little ringlets bounce as I spun around and around and around. Most likely I would have a purple stained tongue from my popcicle and my mother would laugh at me. I would just let myself get caught up in the moment and try to forget the way my dad smelled like raw meat all the time, because he worked at a meat packing plant. I would try and pretend that my mother had not slapped my face for some infraction and I would pretend that I was a fairy princess who just hadn't figured out how to use my wings to get away from it all.
The only thing that I could use to fly away was my music.
Its getting hard for me to just get away in the music. I want to be dancing but my body denies me. My soul dances in silence on the front porch so that I can excape the reality that is my life.
I am going swimmming today.Maybe, just maybe I will feel better when I am done.
Bloody Kisses,
SisterSinister