Clueless me

[sisterrain]

Okay, I'm gonna unload some not-so-great feelings here so please don't read any further if you're feeling low in energy.  I don't want to drain anyone else.  That is precisely what I'm talking about:  inequitable energy balance

Comments

[rosegardenfae]

Gosh these kind of feelings must be "in the air".. or maybe it is just the full moon, but indeed I often feel the same way as you. I depend heavily on my online connections as I have so very few connections with people other than my children in the so called real world. I am sad to hear that you are lonely but I totally empathize as I have no one to hang on to myself. And, again like you I would like to reconnect aritistically, and have been doing a bit of work on a Tarot deck, but it is going slowly. Sometimes I think my creativity has just up and left me.

I am totally excited to see you here as I post here more often and more personally than I do on MySpace because for some reason this place is more attuned to my computer than MySpace..

Interestingly enough you were in one of my dreams last night, though I don't remember much about what we were doing. I can tell you that you were a positive presence for me as you always are.

I DO agree with your dad that we are lucky if we have one or two good friends... I have never interfaced with others very well, and have accepted that is just the way it is for this lifetime for me...

I think of you often and wish we were closer cause I think you would totally fit into the family here at the farm. Sending you my love and many hugs..

always

[sisterrain]

Aw Rose! I miss you, too! I think I have outgrown myspace and every other space I have inhabited in virtual terms and am hoping that I can find community somewhere that suits me and allows me to truly express myself. I find that I don't even have my own space, but just some extended space of my partner's. That is my own fault, I tend to put myself aside for my partner's interests. And then to top it off, his friends don't think much of me because I'm not some mathematical qaballist and don't care one whit about all their pissing contests due to inflated egos and who is "right" about what. Makes me tired just watching them spit and spin. So I've lost myself (again) but I'm pulling away from all of that completely and embarking into my own territory. Truth is, they probably won't even notice. Same with my own connections who I thought were friends. I'm done. I shouldn't have to chase people down to make connections. And then when I do connect they always say how much better I make them feel. Oh goodie...

You don't know how wonderful living on your farm sounds to me right now! I hate, I mean HATE this city life. All the smog, noise and unrest surrounding me...it takes its toll on my peace of mind. I may need to be true to myself and give it up. I need a complete lifestyle change while I'm still young enough to rebuild.

[rosegardenfae]

Oh sweetie I cannot even imagine how awful it is to live in the city...

I think you may someday be much like me - a little old lady hermit type, living away from Babylon...It is really a pretty good life. I hear ya on connecting with people who want you to make them feel good... I had too much of that, and so just stay to myself.. But you know I love you and you are a part of my life forever.

[sisterrain]

That sounds heavenly to me at this point! Yes, I do know you love me. Thanks Rose. I needed some kind words right about NOW and I got yours just in time!