Sad Kahlua
"This will hurt"- Closer I’ve spent the night at Cherry’s moms place smoking and drinking the most delicious kahlua-laden coffee. Teresa’s homemade kahlua poured from a jar into some HOT coffee was a welcome sight. It burned my mouth but I didn’t want to stop drinking it. It’s the second best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. (The best cup was the French Vanilla that my mom bought me for my 13th birthday from the vending machine at her work. It was my first cup of coffee ever.) I will buy this stuff by the gallon…. Tonight, I wanted to cry. And I suppose we three women were the only ones awake in the world. I really didn’t have the words but I hope my presence lent some support. The scene was too familiar for comfort: alcohol, tears, vomit, and a broken heart sounds like the tag end of September last year. There is no harsher feeling on earth than a broken heart. Not flame nor poison could recreate the pain of a shattered love, shattered trust. Sometimes it seems remarkable we ever survive these things. But we manage, don’t we. I belonged to someone who took shitty care of my heart too once.
Closer quote -Alice: “How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?”
Better Closer quote- Alice: “Oh, As if you had no choice? There’s moment. There’s always a moment. I can do this, I can give into to this or I can resist it. I don’t know what your moment was, but I bet there was one.”
The smoke’s so thick in here it makes my eyes burn and water. It’s almost 5:30 in the morning now, and time for a cigarette run now that we’ve finished the three packs between us- menthols, lights, and ladysticks. I hope for Ms. Ener’s sake that she recognizes what a brilliant, interesting, and beautiful woman she is. I don’t say those things about everyone. I don’t say them lightly. I hope that she doesn’t ever get back with this guy who can’t stop being selfish long enough to recognize what he had in her. Because we all know it’s going to happen. He’ll be back and “sorry” and insist that he never meant to hurt her. But he did just the same. Don’t let your feelings for him wipe away the pain you felt all that night and the realizations it brought you to about your past and your present. *hugs*