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Sep 08, 2004 00:50

Someone asked me today if I ever get discouraged being in a band and dealing with the everyday struggles that go with it.
My reply was,"of course!"
I can't count how many times I question this "business" I have gotten myself into. Especially watching other bands succeed quicker than we are. We write and write and write and wonder if we will find our audience. The fact that we are not a novelty group,or that we are not relying on my looks,or playing into a certain genre doesn't help. And I know why. People want to be able to put the bands they see into nice neat packages. They want to be able to say,that band is hot,or that band is punk,or that band is hardcore,etc etc. I guess we don't make it easy on people by not playing into any of those things.

The irony is,I know exactly how to make us more appeasing and easy for people to digest. But is that what we want as a band? Hell no. I couldn't imagine changing the way we look,or purposefully writing songs a certain way just to become a hit band. The struggle sucks,no doubt about it. But I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we sold out. (Not saying that all bands do that,btw.)

I look around and watch other bands achieve their goals,and yes,it does make me sit back and wonder what the hell I do this for sometimes. But when we play out,and people come up to me and say how much they liked what we do,or a girl tells me how much she admires me and wishes she had the balls(no pun intended,lol) to do what I do,and how strong my voice is,and other wonderful compliments people have bestowed on the band and I,it makes what I do worth it.

I'm not trying to be mass-consumed. I'm not trying to win a beauty pageant. I'm not trying to write music that is easily chewed up and spit out as soon as the people leave the club.
What I'm trying to do is reach people. In this world we live in people don't know how to reach each other anymore. There is this wall between us all. I write music for people trying to break that wall down.

I grew up in NY. And for a long time I had to deal with horrible things that kept happening to me. I'm a 29 year old old person. I believe there is evil in this world. I have seen it first hand. But I also have this hope for people. People who are capable of change,people who are capable of seeking out the deeper truths,people who see beyond the outer surface of everything.

Those are the people that understand our music.

So yes,I get discouraged when I can't seem to book a show. I get discouraged when some people go to the bar while we're playing,or when we get a bad review.
But not everyone walks away,not everyone gives us a bad review,not everyone ignores my calls and emails for booking dates.
There are people that sing my lyrics back to me. There are people who can't wait for us to play in their town. There are people...our people. And that number may be small. But I can't quit trying to reach them,and others,with our music.

It really astounds me that I even do what I do. Me,the girl who had no friends,the girl everyone said would amount to nothing,the girl who had gum put in her hair and eggs thrown at her house. That girl has died. Her funeral has come and gone.
And now there is the woman I have become,the wife I love to be,the mother of a gorgeous child I adore,and the frontwoman of the band I believe in with everything that I am.

And that's everything I told that person. Who asked me a simple question,and got an essay in return. But you know what,she's coming to our next show after listening to the mp3's.
I have reached one more person.
Success.
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