Fic: Delicate Question (Vaan, Fran, ensemble; PG)
...The sixth on my 'five shameful fics' meme. Crack. Should not be taken seriously. Really.
Mild spoilers through Eruyt Village.
Delicate Question
The question has been eating at Vaan forever.
FFXII. Vaan, Fran, ensemble. 500 words. Worksafe.
"I have a question," Vaan asks. "If I. Um. If I may."
"Mm," says Fran, which is as good an invitation as he's likely to get.
He knows this isn't a tactful question to ask, or a very smart one, but he's just dying of curiosity. He can't help it. Really. "...Uh," he says, "so -- I've been wondering, ever since we were at your village -- "
Her nose twitches. "Yes?"
"Where do baby viera come from?" he asks in a rush.
Fran blinks at him slowly, and then her ears turn outward a little. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Penelo's face sinking into her hands. "I should think you were quite old enough to know that already," Fran says.
"I -- I mean, I do, for -- "
"Yes?"
"For baby humes," he says. "But..."
"Yes?"
"But humes, we -- "
"Mm?"
"...have two genders. Sexes. Things. You know."
Fran meets his gaze levelly. "Yes?"
He stares at her. Then he starts to flounder. "There are -- I mean -- viera don't -- that is -- there are male viera?"
"Of course."
"Where?"
She looks blank. "All over. All around you. In the village. I've seen some in Rabanastre, even."
"But I've only ever -- " Vaan pauses. He wonders if he's possibly lost his mind at some point in the past five minutes. Surely he isn't the only one who's just seen female viera? Surely?
"Have a little pity, Fran," Balthier says. He sounds like he's hurting himself trying not to laugh.
"Surely you do not think that all species have the same secondary sexual characteristics?" Fran asks.
"Uh?"
"As viera live communally and raise our children in extended family groups rather than pair-bonds, we are all equipped to suckle young. This allows for a more useful division of labor. Since we do not have separate gender roles as do humes, we have not divided our language into two separate sets of words and pronouns for male and female. The fact that hume languages generally use their female pronoun to refer to us is of little concern."
It takes Vaan a moment to process all this. "So... you can't tell a male viera from a female one by looking?"
"Oh, you can, theoretically," Fran assures him. "But as with humes, the relevant organs are generally covered by clothes."
"So I've... seen male viera and I just didn't know it."
"I should say so," Fran says. The look of amusement on her face should be his first warning, but his brain is still trying to catch up. "Frequently. Quite frequently."
His jaw gently unhinges.
"You will of course forgive me if I decline to remove my lower garments to prove it," Fran continues blithely.
He's not sure what's worst: the way Balthier is laughing, Penelo's despairing cry of "honestly, Vaan," or the fact that the sideways look Ashe is slanting toward Fran is... speculative.
***
Author's Note: I blame sarraceniaceae, who introduced me to the idea that viera could be like Pratchett dwarves in reverse. Um. Yeah.
Mild spoilers through Eruyt Village.
Delicate Question
The question has been eating at Vaan forever.
FFXII. Vaan, Fran, ensemble. 500 words. Worksafe.
"I have a question," Vaan asks. "If I. Um. If I may."
"Mm," says Fran, which is as good an invitation as he's likely to get.
He knows this isn't a tactful question to ask, or a very smart one, but he's just dying of curiosity. He can't help it. Really. "...Uh," he says, "so -- I've been wondering, ever since we were at your village -- "
Her nose twitches. "Yes?"
"Where do baby viera come from?" he asks in a rush.
Fran blinks at him slowly, and then her ears turn outward a little. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Penelo's face sinking into her hands. "I should think you were quite old enough to know that already," Fran says.
"I -- I mean, I do, for -- "
"Yes?"
"For baby humes," he says. "But..."
"Yes?"
"But humes, we -- "
"Mm?"
"...have two genders. Sexes. Things. You know."
Fran meets his gaze levelly. "Yes?"
He stares at her. Then he starts to flounder. "There are -- I mean -- viera don't -- that is -- there are male viera?"
"Of course."
"Where?"
She looks blank. "All over. All around you. In the village. I've seen some in Rabanastre, even."
"But I've only ever -- " Vaan pauses. He wonders if he's possibly lost his mind at some point in the past five minutes. Surely he isn't the only one who's just seen female viera? Surely?
"Have a little pity, Fran," Balthier says. He sounds like he's hurting himself trying not to laugh.
"Surely you do not think that all species have the same secondary sexual characteristics?" Fran asks.
"Uh?"
"As viera live communally and raise our children in extended family groups rather than pair-bonds, we are all equipped to suckle young. This allows for a more useful division of labor. Since we do not have separate gender roles as do humes, we have not divided our language into two separate sets of words and pronouns for male and female. The fact that hume languages generally use their female pronoun to refer to us is of little concern."
It takes Vaan a moment to process all this. "So... you can't tell a male viera from a female one by looking?"
"Oh, you can, theoretically," Fran assures him. "But as with humes, the relevant organs are generally covered by clothes."
"So I've... seen male viera and I just didn't know it."
"I should say so," Fran says. The look of amusement on her face should be his first warning, but his brain is still trying to catch up. "Frequently. Quite frequently."
His jaw gently unhinges.
"You will of course forgive me if I decline to remove my lower garments to prove it," Fran continues blithely.
He's not sure what's worst: the way Balthier is laughing, Penelo's despairing cry of "honestly, Vaan," or the fact that the sideways look Ashe is slanting toward Fran is... speculative.
***
Author's Note: I blame sarraceniaceae, who introduced me to the idea that viera could be like Pratchett dwarves in reverse. Um. Yeah.