The Proposal 5 / 10
Ah, Kradam. The lovely boys again. Not mine obviously - only each others. Mostly written from Adam's POV except for one part in Kris' POV because it had to roll like that. Also includes some Brad/ Adam and Brad/ Kris friendship stuff in the middle (that guy is cute to write).
Part 5 is from Kris' POV with some Brad/ Kris interaction and yet more angst.
This is a ten part fic and I have it all written up already, but need to still post in parts due to the fact its too long otherwise. Anyway the suspense is better that way! But at least you will get updates very quickly. The story mostly centres around the LA show in response to requests from my Glittery friends over at Gossip Candy, but then moves on to the end of the tour because thats the way the muse took it.
Rating: definitely NC 17 overall.
Warning: Matt stans should note that he is not protrayed at all sympathetically in this fic. Sorry but it just worked out that way.
Previous parts
Part 1 sissygalore.livejournal.com/1606.html
Part 2 sissygalore.livejournal.com/1956.htm
Part 3 sissygalore.livejournal.com/2138.html
Part 4 sissygalore.livejournal.com/2341.html
The Proposal
Part 5 - Kris POV
'C'mon, lets go to the bar, help me with the drinks will you?' Brad yelled in Kris' ear, pulling him to his feet. 'Mr Fabulous will need at least another half an hour to say 'Hi' to everyone anyway'.
Kris followed Brad's retreating back picking his way through the writhing crowd, thinking that he really wasn't sure about this whole thing. It wasn't so much that this wasn't his scene or anything, it was just that he didn't know anyone here at all. Except Adam of course. And now Brad. He thought Adam might have wanted to talk about what he said earlier. About moving in together. But if Kris was honest with himself he was a little relieved they hadn't had time. He needed more time. He needed to think. And he didn't want to hurt Adam by saying the wrong thing. Brad turned to flash a grin at Kris as they leaned against the bar waiting to be served. It was a little quieter here and at least they could hear each other speak.
'You don't have to worry about me you know Kris.' Brad pushed his elbow along the bar to nudge Kris' arm.
'So..sorry?' Kris looked up startled.
'We're just friends now, me and Adam, you don't need to worry that I'm gonna try to steal him away from you or something' Brad grinned.
Kris looked down embarrassed. Was he that transparent he wondered? 'Oh, no no. I er, I was just, erm. No I didn't think that,' Kris mumbled.
'Adam is really in love with you you know Kris. I know him too well. He can't hide that sort of thing from me.' Brad had suddenly dropped the laughing tone in his voice and levelled his gaze into Kris' eyes. 'And I think you are in love with him too. Its obvious the way you two look at each other. But what I want to know is, what are you gonna do about it after the tour? After you don't have an excuse to be together in public every god damn day of the week?'
At that moment Kris got a slight reprieve as the bartender came up to serve them. Brad stretched his small frame to lean over the bar, his tight black tank riding up at the back to show a strip of smooth skin below. He ordered a round of drinks - two of everything - doubles. 'Saves coming back twice' he grinned mischievously at Kris. Then the serious look was back in his eyes again.
Kris was struggling now. What should he tell Brad? How much could he tell him? Kris was worried how this would affect Adam. How the media would react when his marriage split was announced and he had already moved in to live with Adam. He didn't care about himself - he knew he could handle anything with Adam by his side - but what about Adam? Adam had got creamed just for saying that he had found Kris cute for god's sake! Adam had gone through a media blitz just to say out loud he was gay when it was so totally obvious to anyone who had half a brain. The press always went too far with Adam.
Kris was in awe of him for doing that. For taking all that heat and dealing with it all so gracefully. But he knew it had affected him. He didn't want to bring any more pain down on Adam than was absolutely necessary. Sure it would also be painful for Kris too. He understood that. But he knew how the media would label it. How they would go after Adam with a vengeance reserved for him alone. Adam would be the big bad gay, the sexual predator, the one who had corrupted the sweet innocent Christian married guy. Kris would just be the victim.
Ha! If only they knew the truth he thought. That Kris was the one who had pursued Adam. Worn him down with all the flirting and the teasing, until Adam had no option but to give in and kiss him, take him, claim him. Just as Kris had wanted him to since that day they'd first met. Kris had fought against his attraction to other men for as long as he could remember. It had always been something he had pushed back down inside himself, never acted on. Something he had thought he could control, could manage to live with. Hell, you didn't have much choice if you were a Christian living in Arkansas. But that was until he met Adam.
Kris decided he could trust Brad. After all there were so many times when Brad could have spilt the beans on the intimate details of his relationship with Adam but never had. When Kris told Brad about Adam asking him to live together Brad arched an eyebrow but kept quiet. Letting Kris spill it all out. How he was afraid that this might ruin Adam. How he just knew the media would come after Adam far more than they would come after him. How Adam would be the one to get blamed for breaking up his marriage when that was so not the case.
'Well honey, I don't know what to say. You are in a bit of a bind all right' responded Brad quietly when there was a pause in Kris' monologue.
'The thing is, what I feel for Adam scares me sometimes' said Kris looking down at his hands resting around his drink. 'Adam is my whole world. Sometimes when I look at him I actually feel a pain, a physical pain in my chest.' Kris' eyes flew up to meet Brad's in something near to panic. 'I feel so selfish. Of course I want to move in with him. I know how tough its gonna be, I'm not stupid. But I think he's gonna get the worst of it.'
'It won't be a bed of roses for you either honey' murmured Brad sympathetically.
'I don't care about that.' Kris shook his head against the thought. '19E want me to keep my marriage break up out of the press at least until the first album drops and Katy said she will go along with that. Things are better between us now she's seeing someone else. But if me and Adam are living together when the news come out? I mean with me and Katy only just broken up y' know, well it will be obvious to most people what's going on. I might loose some fans because of it but all that means is they weren't really into my music anyway. But I can't loose Adam. He's always in the spotlight. He'll just get hounded constantly. How can I do that to him?'
'I think you might be underestimating the impact it will have on both of you Kris' said Brad softly. 'But' he continued, flicking his hand up in mock drama 'In the end I've got to believe that love conquers all. If not what are we all doing here?' Brad's tone was bright and teasing now.
Kris smiled back gratefully.
'Hey, hey, no moping now, you are here to have a good time my friend! Shit! The others are gonna wonder what the hell happened to us!' Brad suddenly sprang to life, grabbing the drinks and jumping way from the bar to weave his way back to the sofas. 'And anyway,' he twinkled back at Kris with a flick of his hips, 'You are now officially eating into my party time bitch so lets get to it!'
Kris was hot and shaking all over. He couldn't remember that last time he had ever been this angry. He gripped the cool porcelain rim of the basin, knuckles whitening, trying to stop his body from jerking uncontrollably with rage. He looked up at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, shocked at the wildness staring back in his eyes. How could Adam do that? Jesus! Here he was, pouring his heart out to Adam's ex about how much he loved him and what was Adam doing? Practically trying to fuck some no-name little twink on the dance floor!
He had never seen Adam behave like that before. What the hell had gotten into him? Apart from too much vodka! he thought savagely. He tried not to think about the steely look in Adam's eyes on the dance floor, the roughness in his voice when he had said 'are you too afraid people might see us together in public?' So Adam thought he was afraid did he? Well yes, actually. Kris was afraid. Damn scared out of his wits. But not for the reason Adam seemed to think.
Kris' real fear, the deep pain he felt sometimes when he looked at Adam, the thing that shook him to the core, was the fear of loosing Adam. Of not having Adam in his life. Of not waking up to his beautiful vulnerable face every morning, of not hearing his voice soft and low and sweet telling him how much he loved him, of not feeling him, smelling him, tasting him each and every god damn day. Kris swore to himself quietly. Since when had Kris started swearing so much? Jesus! Adam could make a saint swear he thought with a hollow laugh. Kris thought it had started that night, that night with Katy back in their kitchen in Arkansas after Idol had ended, after they had flown home. The night he had told her about Adam.
Kris remembered the pain in her eyes as the sobs had shook her tiny frame, the way the tears had rolled silently down her cheeks as he had mumbled over and over 'God damn Katy I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Fuck. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just fell in love with him.'
He remembered how her eyes had flown up to meet his at that moment and a sharp stinging slap had whipped across his face with a force that surprised them both. As the tears had slowly started to fall down his own face, hot and buzzing where the print of her hand burned across his cheek, he had tried to reach out to her, to grasp her small fingers. He screwed up his eyes tight at the memory, the look of horror in her startled eyes as she pulled back from his touch like it burnt her skin.
She hadn't said much at all to him after that. Not for his whole time back in Arkansas. Except to say that she wanted a divorce. And that she hoped it would ruin his career. Kris knew she didn't really mean it, that it was just the hurt talking, but it had stung all the same. And then Kris had spent most of the next two weeks sleeping. Just sleeping. So exhausted and drained like he could never get enough sleep ever again.
She had said something else too, whether to hurt him or not he wasn't sure. 'Well at least I don't have to feel guilty for wanting to fuck your friends now' Katy had hissed at him the next morning as they had sat across from each other, their eyes ringed and puffy from lack of sleep and too much crying. 'So the next time Joe comes on to me I don't need to turn him down do I?' she had laughed bitterly.
So maybe something had been going on in LA Kris thought numbly, ashamed that he had been so distracted with Adam, so wrapped up in the competition, to even notice the way that Katy had pulled away from him when Joe was around. Failed to notice the way that his friend had looked at his wife sometimes. God, thought Kris, when had they both started swearing so much?
In the end Katy had agreed to go along with 19's advice to pretend their marriage was still OK. Kris was grateful to her but he hadn't really been able to care much at that point. He did see the wisdom of it though, he supposed. All he could care about was that Adam hadn't called him, hadn't returned his texts or any of his messages, and that the silence between them was slowly gnawing away at his gut. He had even heard from a few sources that Adam was doing the rounds talking up his and Katy's marriage in almost every interview he gave. So Adam was determined to push him and Katy together was he? To push Kris away from him? Well it was a bit too late for that.
When the Rolling Stone article came out Kris got the message loud and clear. So Adam couldn't keep silent after all. Adam had reached back out to him with those few lines in Rolling Stone. Kris knew what it must have cost Adam to do that. The struggle Adam must have gone through to deliberately sabotage his own best laid plans for a life without Kris in it. To potentially ruin his own career. And the relief Kris had felt when this time his text did receive an answer was almost too much to bear.
Standing there in the low red glow of the nightclub bathroom, Kris felt some sort of calm returning. He breathed deeply and ran the tap, splashing cool water on his face. Reaching to grab a paper towel, still lost in memory, he didn't hear the stranger come up behind him until a sharp unfamiliar voice broke through his thoughts.
'My you are a cutie aren't you? What's a nice straight boy like you doing hanging around in here? Waiting for me perhaps?'
Kris spun round startled, looking up to see some guy looking down at him. He was tall and well built and sort of attractive in a kind of grungy way. All shaggy blond highlights and dirty leathers. Kris knew that the bathrooms in these places were mainly for hook ups. But surely someone just needed to take a piss sometimes he thought exasperated. The guy was leering down at Kris with a fogged out look in his blown pupils that Kris did not like at all. He dropped his eyes and made to push past but the guy caught hold of Kris' wrists and pulled him back with a hard snap.
'Cat got your tongue? Or are you just shy?' he said with a slightly obscene smile, backing Kris up into one of the open stalls as he pushed his face closer. Kris braced his legs against the open doorway of the stall as he tried to rip himself free. Kris was strong but this guy was clearly on something he thought. A flash of panic shot across Kris' face when he realised he couldn't break the other man's grip.
'Don't be nervous little one' the guy leered against him, so close now that Kris could smell the alcohol on his breath, almost feel the other man's the stubble on his face. 'I won't hurt you...much.'