Ok, I'm calm now
So I had my rant yesterday and little of this morning. I've calmed down and accepted that I do have to go back to school if I want to create an abundant life, not to mention if I want to work anywhere other than an abortion clinic, restaurant or retail store. I'm readily told that funeral education only leads to funeral work and is not transferable to any other line of work. I'm readily told that there are more options for my future as a nurse than a funeral director. I've compared salaries and they're pretty much in the same category unless I specialize or become a head nurse or get into admin. There is one person who would like to dissuade me from funeral svc, and he's a funeral director. There are multiple people pointing me towards nursing because of all the options. Yet, I still have not forgotten my ideal funeral home/crematorium/cremation garden. I know I did not speak highly of it yesterday. I was angry. I've apologized to it and we're on better terms now. However, as my sister said, "you gotta pick something," and my tai chi teacher says, "you're definitely on a path," and one of my bosses says, "you'll make a great funeral director some day," so I'm staying here but will still research options just to satisfy that gnawing sense of "did i chose the right one".
(any wonder i'm not married?)
On a side note, I would not be surprised if this fear of decision making is connected to losses sustained throughout my life. I'm working with a belief system that includes: any decision I make won't pan out; the rug will get pulled out from under me no matter what I do; I'm not worthy of the things I want. These must be changed and I'm working on that. Isn't it weird how all this stuff is so closely tied together? These are the same issues I have around Love and relationships. These are core elements in my Big Wall. Sometimes I think that 6 degrees of separation applies to more than just people knowing people. One stuck place can branch out to so many different aspects of your life.
(any wonder i'm not married?)
On a side note, I would not be surprised if this fear of decision making is connected to losses sustained throughout my life. I'm working with a belief system that includes: any decision I make won't pan out; the rug will get pulled out from under me no matter what I do; I'm not worthy of the things I want. These must be changed and I'm working on that. Isn't it weird how all this stuff is so closely tied together? These are the same issues I have around Love and relationships. These are core elements in my Big Wall. Sometimes I think that 6 degrees of separation applies to more than just people knowing people. One stuck place can branch out to so many different aspects of your life.