we can mourn its passing then bury it in the snow
call me an idiot.
i thought by now my life was going to be so different. but i'm still growing and learning lessons. and i've seemed to hit a snag.
at his point i would rather hurt myself while in the process of healing growing and moving on
than continue on with my self destructive choices and gain nothing
i have grown to expect indifference to my presence
a great portion of time spent arguing then silence
put the blame on me.
i was supposed to meet with her when i got back
and out of nowhere last night i got a text saying "i hope you had a really good trip erin."
so i figured what other reason for small talk than to set up a time to go get some coffee and get some answers
and then nothing.
no answers for me.
all i wanted to figure out was if the lack of caring stemmed from still caring about her. or if there is just a general lack of caring about me.
maybe he's better off with her. i would just like to know.
maybe i should just let go and disappear into the trees never to be heard from again and we can both get on with life and be happy.
maybe i just ruined their perfect relationship with each other. they were perfectly terrible together. he was happy with her it seemed. and maybe they'll work it out, they can tell me and i'll leave. i'll go and do the things that make me happy with the people that make me happy. no more tears no more feeling unsafe no more jealousy or anger. maybe i'll just do that. be happy
but first i have to clean house. and get my act together.
i thought by now my life was going to be so different. but i'm still growing and learning lessons. and i've seemed to hit a snag.
at his point i would rather hurt myself while in the process of healing growing and moving on
than continue on with my self destructive choices and gain nothing
i have grown to expect indifference to my presence
a great portion of time spent arguing then silence
put the blame on me.
i was supposed to meet with her when i got back
and out of nowhere last night i got a text saying "i hope you had a really good trip erin."
so i figured what other reason for small talk than to set up a time to go get some coffee and get some answers
and then nothing.
no answers for me.
all i wanted to figure out was if the lack of caring stemmed from still caring about her. or if there is just a general lack of caring about me.
maybe he's better off with her. i would just like to know.
maybe i should just let go and disappear into the trees never to be heard from again and we can both get on with life and be happy.
maybe i just ruined their perfect relationship with each other. they were perfectly terrible together. he was happy with her it seemed. and maybe they'll work it out, they can tell me and i'll leave. i'll go and do the things that make me happy with the people that make me happy. no more tears no more feeling unsafe no more jealousy or anger. maybe i'll just do that. be happy
but first i have to clean house. and get my act together.