F for Frustration
I really hate it when I get frustrated
I mean
being frustrated is bad enough
but for some strange reason, for me, when I get frustrated to a certain point
I've only got two choices.
Either go on a rage rampage and yell and/or become violent
or break down in tears
which frustrates me greatly
'cause crying over a sad book, a very touching song or someone dying is one thing
it is completely normal
but, crying over your driving teacher repeatedly asking you "what are you thinking right now?" while you're trying to focus on checking both mirrors, in the correct order, pressing the break down slightly, SLOWLY go from second gear to first, checking for any bypassers on your left, front, right and then left again, checking the mirrors once more, finishing the gear shift, turning the car, keeping it going forward, using the right hand, THEN the left hand on the wheel, and THEN finally finishing turning.
..
oh wait
I forgot the direction lights =__=
I mean
okay that could stress anyone, having to go through all that in maximum 15 seconds, over and over and over again with only 10 seconds to breathe in between
but him asking me "what are you thiking right now?" and "share your thoughts" WHILE I'm doing it to figure out what I'm concentrating on... it just puts me right off
and when I ask him to stop asking me that question and thus, distracting me from what I'm actually concentrating on, he just says that "no way, 'cause I NEED to know what you're thinking"
and that just goes on over and over and over again until I've several times almost run into something
well
I get frustrated, alright?
and seeing as, while driving a car, starting to stab your driver instructor with a pencil, is not a very good idea, and that starting to rant very loudly at him while driving is not very easily seeing as I can't even answer the question "what are you thinking?"
so easily enough
I start crying
trying very hard not to do so, but getting even MORE frustrated over the fact that I. am. actually. crying. over. something. like. this. like. I. am. some. sort. of. butthurt. little. kid. who. just. got. his. feelings. hurt. and. knee. scraped.
and THEN when the driver instructor NOTICE this he panics and start apologizing and asking "are you okay" and trying to smoothe things out and feeling bad and shit
which
to be honest
REALLY istn't helping one tiny bit
and then when I finally manage to stable myself enough to steadily yell at him to shut up and leave me and my PMSing alone
and the class is over
and I'm on my own again
I spend the rest of the day being depressed and teary over the fact that I cried
which, again, isn't really helping the fact =______=
Gackt I feel so pathetic right now