Tuesday's Tribulations
I find that I think most lucidly in the shower, but when I sit down at the computer I've lost it. It's like trying to experience something and trying to explain that experience. If you are trying to pay enough attention to correctly analyze the experience then you can't completely be a part of the experience, thereby making explanation impossible.
Regardless, I will try to the best of my abilities to share my thoughts.
I feel the meditation and fast working on my being. The fasting serves as a focus point for my meditation. I didn't go into the fast just to fast. I went in with specific things in mind that I needed to think on and change how they affected my life. Every time I feel my hunger I am forced to associate it with the task I put before me. Specifically getting back on the track of self-actualization.
Last Fall was one of the most successful times in my entire life. I had finally gotten over being depressed about unrequited love with the realization that my life should revolve around me. And that life in general is pretty good if you realize that you can only hope to effect change in your own life.
I still had some problems, but what made it the most successful time for me was the fact that I knew I was improving. And more importantly improving of my own volition.
Knowing a small part about how life is, I knew that the more problems I solved the more problems there would be, and the harder those problems would become. The trick I've been taught, and try to make a part of my basic life, is to enjoy the problems.
One of my main problems is that I forget these lessons occasionally. When things are going well I don't have a need to meditate on what lessons I need to remember, and when something jars my world I lapse. So when I was at my best so far the world jarred me.
I don't think the lesson to be learned is to avoid being jarred. In fact I thank Her for shaking me, opening my eyes, letting me know that there is still work to be done. The job is not over, and it is not time to coast.
I always love the powerful women in my life the most. The ones who can tear me down, show me my weakness so that I may strengthen myself. I don't blame the light for exposing the cracks in the wall.
Hopefully I can one day live in the light and not have to worry about cracks in my wall.
Breathe deep.
I love You all.
Regardless, I will try to the best of my abilities to share my thoughts.
I feel the meditation and fast working on my being. The fasting serves as a focus point for my meditation. I didn't go into the fast just to fast. I went in with specific things in mind that I needed to think on and change how they affected my life. Every time I feel my hunger I am forced to associate it with the task I put before me. Specifically getting back on the track of self-actualization.
Last Fall was one of the most successful times in my entire life. I had finally gotten over being depressed about unrequited love with the realization that my life should revolve around me. And that life in general is pretty good if you realize that you can only hope to effect change in your own life.
I still had some problems, but what made it the most successful time for me was the fact that I knew I was improving. And more importantly improving of my own volition.
Knowing a small part about how life is, I knew that the more problems I solved the more problems there would be, and the harder those problems would become. The trick I've been taught, and try to make a part of my basic life, is to enjoy the problems.
One of my main problems is that I forget these lessons occasionally. When things are going well I don't have a need to meditate on what lessons I need to remember, and when something jars my world I lapse. So when I was at my best so far the world jarred me.
I don't think the lesson to be learned is to avoid being jarred. In fact I thank Her for shaking me, opening my eyes, letting me know that there is still work to be done. The job is not over, and it is not time to coast.
I always love the powerful women in my life the most. The ones who can tear me down, show me my weakness so that I may strengthen myself. I don't blame the light for exposing the cracks in the wall.
Hopefully I can one day live in the light and not have to worry about cracks in my wall.
Breathe deep.
I love You all.