Skiing
Soooooo......
On sunday I had this thing called...(flin?)...(frun?)...(fun?)...FUN, yes I had some fun. I participated in a leisure time activity in which I, THE PARTICIPANT, strapped two enormous plastic tear drops to my feet and hurled myself down a mountain covered in cold. If I managed to get to the bottom without obvious bodily damage, I would laugh and smile.
It was really good stuff!
To make matters even better I brought along a second participant and this one was a...(Grrl?)...(Grill?)...(Girl?)...GIRL! yes, she was a girl. Girls are very very very very very very very interesting. They are almost entirely like the usual people you might meet, but they are better and have extra added bits. Oddly enough they are also tear drop shaped but, you must NEVER EVER attempt to strap them to your feet. They are likely to punch and/or kick you if you do. This Grill would have been particularly likely to do so since she actually teaches classes on how to punch and kick people. So I was careful.
Anyhow, she and I (her name is Alyssa) spent the whole day hurling ourselves down the mountain and then crawling back up the mountain, centimeter by agonizing centimeter, on this torture device called a CHAIRLIFT. The chairlift is just like your comfy home sofa except; it has no padding, it’s suspended in a jetstream of icy swill and you are NOT under any circumstances allowed to lick it. With Alyssa’s help and threats I avoided temptation and managed to go almost the whole day without licking anything at all! Occasionally, due to poor planning, Alyssa and I would end up on separate chairlifts and I would be forced to converse with PEOPLE I DO NOT KNOW! This was a bit off-putting. On one of these incidents, I was paired up with two girls. During our enforced incarceration I discovered that the one girl worked for a company called, Weathertronix. I was almost excited until she told me that it had nothing to do with controlling the weather. She just did computer stuff, so I told her that people who use computers should be kept in camps, separated from the general population. She told me that computer people already do that themselves, voluntarily. That’s convenient. The other girl is studying to be a massage therapist because she wants to help people, but she does NOT want to do it to people who are “fat, hairy or gross.” I told her that that was very honorable, the beautiful people have long been persecuted in this country and need all the help they can get.
When we got to the top I met up with Alyssa again, I asked her what she had talked to her strangers about. She said she hadn’t talked to them. I didn’t realize that was an option.
So we went down more trails. Each one had a name associated with it. Mostly Alyssa and I would go down together on trails with names like; “Sleigh Ride” or “Reindeer” but sometimes I would have to prove my mettle and go down a trail called THUNDER ROAD! or CANNIBAL PIRANHA FISH! or MAD BLOODY THRESHING MACHINE! While I did these Alyssa would go down, TWINKLE! or FUZZY KITTEN! or PRETTY FAIRY WINGS! I accidentally went down Twinkle once and it turned me temporarily gay. This was lucky for Alyssa because it was just before I had to help her wipe the snow off her butt. Didn’t get to enjoy that one little bit.
We continued on in this way for eight fun filled, bruising, sodden hours. When it was all over we got in the car to drive home. We were both a little scared because I didn’t know the way back and all we had to go on were directions written by a waitress who Alyssa had asked to warm her soup! We lamented that we hadn’t asked for directions before the whole soup warming fiasco. So her directions read like; turn left out of parking lot, drive down Main for 15 miles, turn right at blinking light, turn left at “thing in the road” go strait for 10 miles, turn left on Why don’t you cook your own soup next time you bitch Blvd., turn right on I-90...”
Oddly enough, the directions were good.
On sunday I had this thing called...(flin?)...(frun?)...(fun?)...FUN, yes I had some fun. I participated in a leisure time activity in which I, THE PARTICIPANT, strapped two enormous plastic tear drops to my feet and hurled myself down a mountain covered in cold. If I managed to get to the bottom without obvious bodily damage, I would laugh and smile.
It was really good stuff!
To make matters even better I brought along a second participant and this one was a...(Grrl?)...(Grill?)...(Girl?)...GIRL! yes, she was a girl. Girls are very very very very very very very interesting. They are almost entirely like the usual people you might meet, but they are better and have extra added bits. Oddly enough they are also tear drop shaped but, you must NEVER EVER attempt to strap them to your feet. They are likely to punch and/or kick you if you do. This Grill would have been particularly likely to do so since she actually teaches classes on how to punch and kick people. So I was careful.
Anyhow, she and I (her name is Alyssa) spent the whole day hurling ourselves down the mountain and then crawling back up the mountain, centimeter by agonizing centimeter, on this torture device called a CHAIRLIFT. The chairlift is just like your comfy home sofa except; it has no padding, it’s suspended in a jetstream of icy swill and you are NOT under any circumstances allowed to lick it. With Alyssa’s help and threats I avoided temptation and managed to go almost the whole day without licking anything at all! Occasionally, due to poor planning, Alyssa and I would end up on separate chairlifts and I would be forced to converse with PEOPLE I DO NOT KNOW! This was a bit off-putting. On one of these incidents, I was paired up with two girls. During our enforced incarceration I discovered that the one girl worked for a company called, Weathertronix. I was almost excited until she told me that it had nothing to do with controlling the weather. She just did computer stuff, so I told her that people who use computers should be kept in camps, separated from the general population. She told me that computer people already do that themselves, voluntarily. That’s convenient. The other girl is studying to be a massage therapist because she wants to help people, but she does NOT want to do it to people who are “fat, hairy or gross.” I told her that that was very honorable, the beautiful people have long been persecuted in this country and need all the help they can get.
When we got to the top I met up with Alyssa again, I asked her what she had talked to her strangers about. She said she hadn’t talked to them. I didn’t realize that was an option.
So we went down more trails. Each one had a name associated with it. Mostly Alyssa and I would go down together on trails with names like; “Sleigh Ride” or “Reindeer” but sometimes I would have to prove my mettle and go down a trail called THUNDER ROAD! or CANNIBAL PIRANHA FISH! or MAD BLOODY THRESHING MACHINE! While I did these Alyssa would go down, TWINKLE! or FUZZY KITTEN! or PRETTY FAIRY WINGS! I accidentally went down Twinkle once and it turned me temporarily gay. This was lucky for Alyssa because it was just before I had to help her wipe the snow off her butt. Didn’t get to enjoy that one little bit.
We continued on in this way for eight fun filled, bruising, sodden hours. When it was all over we got in the car to drive home. We were both a little scared because I didn’t know the way back and all we had to go on were directions written by a waitress who Alyssa had asked to warm her soup! We lamented that we hadn’t asked for directions before the whole soup warming fiasco. So her directions read like; turn left out of parking lot, drive down Main for 15 miles, turn right at blinking light, turn left at “thing in the road” go strait for 10 miles, turn left on Why don’t you cook your own soup next time you bitch Blvd., turn right on I-90...”
Oddly enough, the directions were good.