a date with my bladder
A date occurred this evening. Two people were involved, one was a cute blonde with slightly flippy hair and an excellent nose. The other was me. There were cups of coffee involved in the incident and while they didn't participate in the conversation they did have some effect on it's pacing.
I believe the date was a good one. I'd like to say the date WAS a good one, but I can't do that. It would be too definitive and could upset the subtle, invisible balance between hope and disappointment that all dates rest on. It is your job to not know what the hell is going on before, during and after the date. I did my job and I am continuing to do my job. So I will only talk about the things I know: there was a date, she showed up, there was coffee, there was talk, I brushed my teeth AND showered, I'm pretty sure that she did too...
those might be all the facts that I have at this point.
Nope, wait, here's an interesting tidbit; a single cup of "Spot Coffee" brand coffee produces approximately eighteen gallons of pee. This is a scientific fact, look it up. I had about three cups. I had to take a serious leak about every five minutes. This was bad. I didn't want her thinking that I had bodily functions. I also didn't want to wet myself because I think that would have signaled an end to the date. I wasn't ready for the date to end, I had just gotten her laughing at my "climbing a mountain with a backpack full of burritos" story and I was ready to hit her with my "cat farting on a candle" story. This had to keep going, but was my magically refilling bladder going to lose me major sexy points? What was I to do? I went for honesty (that stupid rhyme). I said "wow, there is something in this coffee that make me have to go to the bathroom every five minutes."
She said, "well, they must put laxatives in it."
Oh no, she's got the wrong idea completely! She thinks I'm going to do THE OTHER THING! I can't let her think I'm doing THAT. That's at least 10 to 15 sexy points gone forever. I needed to quickly and elegantly let her know that I wasn't doing THAT in the bathroom. Along the way I would need to give the further impression that I've NEVER needed to do that EVER. James Bond doesn't need to do it and damn it, I don't either!
So I said, "Oh, um, NO, I'm errr....just taking a leak, it's not the other thing...errr, I don't do that EVER!"
Let me tell you, I think she was pretty darn impressed.
So I THINK there will be a second date. See, I said "think". The hope balance remains untouched. I'm not stupid, I just don't know anything.
wacki
I believe the date was a good one. I'd like to say the date WAS a good one, but I can't do that. It would be too definitive and could upset the subtle, invisible balance between hope and disappointment that all dates rest on. It is your job to not know what the hell is going on before, during and after the date. I did my job and I am continuing to do my job. So I will only talk about the things I know: there was a date, she showed up, there was coffee, there was talk, I brushed my teeth AND showered, I'm pretty sure that she did too...
those might be all the facts that I have at this point.
Nope, wait, here's an interesting tidbit; a single cup of "Spot Coffee" brand coffee produces approximately eighteen gallons of pee. This is a scientific fact, look it up. I had about three cups. I had to take a serious leak about every five minutes. This was bad. I didn't want her thinking that I had bodily functions. I also didn't want to wet myself because I think that would have signaled an end to the date. I wasn't ready for the date to end, I had just gotten her laughing at my "climbing a mountain with a backpack full of burritos" story and I was ready to hit her with my "cat farting on a candle" story. This had to keep going, but was my magically refilling bladder going to lose me major sexy points? What was I to do? I went for honesty (that stupid rhyme). I said "wow, there is something in this coffee that make me have to go to the bathroom every five minutes."
She said, "well, they must put laxatives in it."
Oh no, she's got the wrong idea completely! She thinks I'm going to do THE OTHER THING! I can't let her think I'm doing THAT. That's at least 10 to 15 sexy points gone forever. I needed to quickly and elegantly let her know that I wasn't doing THAT in the bathroom. Along the way I would need to give the further impression that I've NEVER needed to do that EVER. James Bond doesn't need to do it and damn it, I don't either!
So I said, "Oh, um, NO, I'm errr....just taking a leak, it's not the other thing...errr, I don't do that EVER!"
Let me tell you, I think she was pretty darn impressed.
So I THINK there will be a second date. See, I said "think". The hope balance remains untouched. I'm not stupid, I just don't know anything.
wacki