April Is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (PLEASE READ)
I’m sure most of you are goin to start reading this and then quite, but please bear with me. Most of you are probably like I was, not wanting to get lectured on something you have probably heard a bunch of times before or that you think wont happen to you. Well it DID happen to me. For those of you who haven’t been reading this journal for long, I was raped back in December. If you would like to know what all happened, feel free to go back in my archives and read. Because it happened to me, I feel like I should help spread awareness in order to keep others from going thru what I had to. I also feel that I need to post this here because its mostly gay men who read this. I believe that we are at just a high risk of sexual assault as women but our statistics are lower. I feel this is so because like women, we are afraid of being judge but in a worse way. We almost have to tell people we are gay when we go to report an incident. We are afraid of people thinking we are the stereotypical gay guys who sleep around and are slutty who deserved for this to happen. Well that couldn’t be farther from the truth. But whether you are man or woman, gay or bi or straight, please read everything I have to say. Most of what I have comes from information pamphlets given to me during one of my nursing classes. You never know when this information might become important, if not for you but for someone you care for. I do have a good amount of info to share so the rest will be in a cut so please please take time and read it. <
I want to start this part of by apologizing because the pamphlets dont have anything on how to prevent/reduce your risk of being assaulted. So I am going to share what lil I know on how to do so.
1. Dont party with people you dont know or dont know well.
2. Know your limits when it comes to alcohol.
3. Never leave your drink unattended and never accept a drink from a stranger.
4. If you feel uncomfortable in any situation…GET OUT!!
Well there is my vast knowledge of prevention. Now here is the rest. Sexual violence is unwanted, forced, or coerced sexual contact. It can be in the form of harassment, exposing, obscene phone calls(s), forcing a person to pose for sexual pictures, forcing a person to look at pornography, videotaping or photographing a person without their consent, unwanted touching of the breasts or genitals, rape, forced or coerced sodomy, or forced prostitution. When sex takes place, it must be between two willing partners who give clear consent. If there is physical force or coercion, or a person is unwilling or unable to give consent, it is sexual assault and/or violence.
Anyone can be a victim of sexual assault regardless of age, gender, race, socioeconomic back ground, physical ability, sexuality, or any other individual characteristic. 91% of victims are females and 9% are males. Victims are never responsible for a sexual assault. It happens because the offender has not respected the victim. People never deserve to be raped: no one willingly wants to be hurt.
Sexual assault can be an act that is planned or a crime of opportunity. Each situation is unique and people react to fear differently. The victim may be able to reduce the risk of a sexual assault, but often cannot prevent the assault and/or be able to protect or defend themselves. Drugs are often used with sexual assault and in fact drug facilitated sexual assault is the most common type. Alcohol is the most commonly used rape drug. HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO IS TOO DRUNK TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THEM IS A CRIME IN NORTH DAKOTA, EVEN IF THE PERSON GOT DRUNK VOLUNTARILY. Now I put a huge emphasis on that because there were a few certain people who didn’t believe what happened to me constituted as rape even tho I was drunk. Its also emphasized cuz its possible that this varies state to state.
How do you know if you have been sexually assaulted? If sexual contact does not make you feel good, either during the experience or after, you need to consult with someone who can help you process your feelings. Even if its not rape, you need information to clarify your values, teach you how to protect your rights and avoid tragedy in the future.
Here’s what to do if you suspect drug facilitated sexual assault.
1. Trust yourself: It is difficult to know what to do when you cannot remember everything that may have happened. Trust your instincts and get help if you believe you were drugged or assaulted.
2. Get medical attention: If you believe you have been drugged, seek medical help immediately. Call 911 or go to the emergency room. The drugs used to facilitate sexual assault are metabolized quickly. Collect urine or vomit in a clean container to be tested for the presence of drugs.
3. Contact law enforcement: Law enforcement officers are trained to recognize signs of drug use or intoxication and can make certain you are safe. They can assist in getting immediate medical attention. Even if you don’t remember everything that has happened, contact police to talk and get referral information for other services.
4. Get support: You are the victim of a horrible crime. Having support persons, such as advocates, who understand the situation, have knowledge to help you, and can work with you on an on-going basis makes healing easier.
The biggest concern with gays is probably STDs and HIV/AIDS. To assess whether or not you were infected during the assault or to determine if you are currently HIV positive, you need to be tested at the time of the assault, as well as several weeks later, and possibly every three months thereafter, as prescribed by a doctor. It is possible to pass the infection to others in the meantime, so please talk to medical personnel before engaging in any sexual activity.
Now if you are the friend of someone who is a victim of sexual assault, there are things you can do to be supportive and help them over come this tragedy. BELIEVE them. It is not your role to question whether an assault occurred. HELP them explore their options. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is most comfortable, even if you would do it differently. LISTEN to them. It is crucial to let survivors know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready. RECOGNIZE that you’ve been assaulted too. Don’t blame yourself for the many feelings you will have after learning that someone close to you has been assaulted. Asking for help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness. Victims of drug facilitated sexual assault suffer the emotional trauma of guilt, confusion, depression, fear, anxiety, and helplessness. This trauma is compounded by partial or complete memory loss, being helpless to stop the assault, increased anxiety about the unknown, self-blame stemming from fear that their choices allowed someone to hurt them.
I hope that this helps you in any way, shape or form. If you have any questions, concerns, or just want to talk, please please feel free to contact me. I have been thru all of this so I know what its like. Anything that is talked about will remain between us. Remember, be safe, look out for one another and be supportive if the unthinkable happens.>
I want to start this part of by apologizing because the pamphlets dont have anything on how to prevent/reduce your risk of being assaulted. So I am going to share what lil I know on how to do so.
1. Dont party with people you dont know or dont know well.
2. Know your limits when it comes to alcohol.
3. Never leave your drink unattended and never accept a drink from a stranger.
4. If you feel uncomfortable in any situation…GET OUT!!
Well there is my vast knowledge of prevention. Now here is the rest. Sexual violence is unwanted, forced, or coerced sexual contact. It can be in the form of harassment, exposing, obscene phone calls(s), forcing a person to pose for sexual pictures, forcing a person to look at pornography, videotaping or photographing a person without their consent, unwanted touching of the breasts or genitals, rape, forced or coerced sodomy, or forced prostitution. When sex takes place, it must be between two willing partners who give clear consent. If there is physical force or coercion, or a person is unwilling or unable to give consent, it is sexual assault and/or violence.
Anyone can be a victim of sexual assault regardless of age, gender, race, socioeconomic back ground, physical ability, sexuality, or any other individual characteristic. 91% of victims are females and 9% are males. Victims are never responsible for a sexual assault. It happens because the offender has not respected the victim. People never deserve to be raped: no one willingly wants to be hurt.
Sexual assault can be an act that is planned or a crime of opportunity. Each situation is unique and people react to fear differently. The victim may be able to reduce the risk of a sexual assault, but often cannot prevent the assault and/or be able to protect or defend themselves. Drugs are often used with sexual assault and in fact drug facilitated sexual assault is the most common type. Alcohol is the most commonly used rape drug. HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO IS TOO DRUNK TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THEM IS A CRIME IN NORTH DAKOTA, EVEN IF THE PERSON GOT DRUNK VOLUNTARILY. Now I put a huge emphasis on that because there were a few certain people who didn’t believe what happened to me constituted as rape even tho I was drunk. Its also emphasized cuz its possible that this varies state to state.
How do you know if you have been sexually assaulted? If sexual contact does not make you feel good, either during the experience or after, you need to consult with someone who can help you process your feelings. Even if its not rape, you need information to clarify your values, teach you how to protect your rights and avoid tragedy in the future.
Here’s what to do if you suspect drug facilitated sexual assault.
1. Trust yourself: It is difficult to know what to do when you cannot remember everything that may have happened. Trust your instincts and get help if you believe you were drugged or assaulted.
2. Get medical attention: If you believe you have been drugged, seek medical help immediately. Call 911 or go to the emergency room. The drugs used to facilitate sexual assault are metabolized quickly. Collect urine or vomit in a clean container to be tested for the presence of drugs.
3. Contact law enforcement: Law enforcement officers are trained to recognize signs of drug use or intoxication and can make certain you are safe. They can assist in getting immediate medical attention. Even if you don’t remember everything that has happened, contact police to talk and get referral information for other services.
4. Get support: You are the victim of a horrible crime. Having support persons, such as advocates, who understand the situation, have knowledge to help you, and can work with you on an on-going basis makes healing easier.
The biggest concern with gays is probably STDs and HIV/AIDS. To assess whether or not you were infected during the assault or to determine if you are currently HIV positive, you need to be tested at the time of the assault, as well as several weeks later, and possibly every three months thereafter, as prescribed by a doctor. It is possible to pass the infection to others in the meantime, so please talk to medical personnel before engaging in any sexual activity.
Now if you are the friend of someone who is a victim of sexual assault, there are things you can do to be supportive and help them over come this tragedy. BELIEVE them. It is not your role to question whether an assault occurred. HELP them explore their options. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is most comfortable, even if you would do it differently. LISTEN to them. It is crucial to let survivors know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready. RECOGNIZE that you’ve been assaulted too. Don’t blame yourself for the many feelings you will have after learning that someone close to you has been assaulted. Asking for help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness. Victims of drug facilitated sexual assault suffer the emotional trauma of guilt, confusion, depression, fear, anxiety, and helplessness. This trauma is compounded by partial or complete memory loss, being helpless to stop the assault, increased anxiety about the unknown, self-blame stemming from fear that their choices allowed someone to hurt them.
I hope that this helps you in any way, shape or form. If you have any questions, concerns, or just want to talk, please please feel free to contact me. I have been thru all of this so I know what its like. Anything that is talked about will remain between us. Remember, be safe, look out for one another and be supportive if the unthinkable happens.>