Eleven nineteen pea ehm news
News from today (and some continued from whenever news happened last)
* Religious debate still going on. Religious debate still going nowhere.
* Two more emo related debates today at a vague location on the border of North Dakota and South Dakota. The two victims were John L. Jarglebody and Felon T. Barns, ages 16 and 23 respectively. They are survived by their parents: Bill and Gloria Jarglebody, and Joey and Rosita Barns. "It was terrible news," started Mr. Jarglebody, "I almost cried, but then I remembered that was the reason my kid was killed, he listened to that crying music and someone else disagreed with it or something, I'm really not quite certain what the hell is going on." Someone in the background had shouted, "EMO DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" When asked why, the yelling person ran. We are still not quite certain what is going on, but we will find out. We hope that one day these cutting of wrists and blacking of eyes ritual killings amongst the sects will end. As an outspoken member of the media trying to gain ratings, I would also like to add that I blame rock and roll, homosexuality, and also the increasing obesity of the American citizenry. Please give us more ratings.
* As it turns out, Mr. Cosby did not kill himself, he is alive and well in an undisclosed location. Mr. Cosby, you're my hero, keep on not killing yourself!
* It has recently been proven that trying to breathe whilst underwater can be hazardous to staying alive. A video discussing the very issue of staying alive by not trying to breathe underwater is currently in progress. Reliable sources say the video will be a docudrama featuring music from The Bee Gees, advocates not only for stayin' alive, but also for not giving up while still going as fast as they can.
* We reported yesterday that we would be speaking with a recovering insomniac today. We were mistaken. We will do a special in the future though. Ratings should skyrocket. Especially if we connect it with something terrible, like Hitler and his untiring hatred of just about anything (according to popular stereotypes).
* On this note, Hitler is still dead. There is no future Hitler. There may be a person who may be likened to Hitler, but unless that person's name is Hitler, there is no future Hitler.
* We may ask people questions on whether they think it is logical to call people who are not named Hitler, "Hitler."
* SHOCKING NEWS OF THE WEEK: WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT THE MAN WHO PLAYS PEE-WEE HERMAN WAS ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY! WE WILL LOOK INTO IT!
That's all for tonight's end of day news.
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I love doing these.
* Religious debate still going on. Religious debate still going nowhere.
* Two more emo related debates today at a vague location on the border of North Dakota and South Dakota. The two victims were John L. Jarglebody and Felon T. Barns, ages 16 and 23 respectively. They are survived by their parents: Bill and Gloria Jarglebody, and Joey and Rosita Barns. "It was terrible news," started Mr. Jarglebody, "I almost cried, but then I remembered that was the reason my kid was killed, he listened to that crying music and someone else disagreed with it or something, I'm really not quite certain what the hell is going on." Someone in the background had shouted, "EMO DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" When asked why, the yelling person ran. We are still not quite certain what is going on, but we will find out. We hope that one day these cutting of wrists and blacking of eyes ritual killings amongst the sects will end. As an outspoken member of the media trying to gain ratings, I would also like to add that I blame rock and roll, homosexuality, and also the increasing obesity of the American citizenry. Please give us more ratings.
* As it turns out, Mr. Cosby did not kill himself, he is alive and well in an undisclosed location. Mr. Cosby, you're my hero, keep on not killing yourself!
* It has recently been proven that trying to breathe whilst underwater can be hazardous to staying alive. A video discussing the very issue of staying alive by not trying to breathe underwater is currently in progress. Reliable sources say the video will be a docudrama featuring music from The Bee Gees, advocates not only for stayin' alive, but also for not giving up while still going as fast as they can.
* We reported yesterday that we would be speaking with a recovering insomniac today. We were mistaken. We will do a special in the future though. Ratings should skyrocket. Especially if we connect it with something terrible, like Hitler and his untiring hatred of just about anything (according to popular stereotypes).
* On this note, Hitler is still dead. There is no future Hitler. There may be a person who may be likened to Hitler, but unless that person's name is Hitler, there is no future Hitler.
* We may ask people questions on whether they think it is logical to call people who are not named Hitler, "Hitler."
* SHOCKING NEWS OF THE WEEK: WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT THE MAN WHO PLAYS PEE-WEE HERMAN WAS ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY! WE WILL LOOK INTO IT!
That's all for tonight's end of day news.
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I love doing these.