Midlife Crisis
My university course is a joint honours, meaning I do half a Graphic Design Degree and half an Illustration Degree. Then obviously the two halves of qualifications make up a whole degree.
I am considering dropping the Illustration half and doing just a whole degree in Graphics. I don't think I am good enough at Illustration to really make anything of it, DESPITE what friends may tell me. I think I would make a Graphic Designer, especially if I dropped Illustration and just concentrated on the one subject. However, I already do the important stuff from the Graphics course anyway, so if I did swap to single honours I would lose illustration for the sake of a photography lesson and a visual studies session. I was quite gutted when I started the course and found out only Singles do photography, but now the idea of dropping illustration to do it bores me.
I guess I would like to carry on doing the joint honours as it seems more fun, only thing is I think I would probably be better off doing single honours in the long term. So its sensibility vs. enjoyment. I just don't know. I really don't.
I am going to just leave things with Clare for a while, and see how they go. I was going to try to get in a situation where it was just the two of us, and then tell her how I felt (like invite her over for a movie or something) but to be honest I think I am just going to wait and see if anything happens naturally. No point forcing it right? Besides, a month or so ago she said I could go stay with her in SOuthampton over the summer... If she asks again (ie. if she's serious about it) then I'll go down, and see if anything happens then. Obviously I'd wait til my last night there in case she reacts badly and I have nowhere to stay for then night, lol.
The reason I don't want to try and force things is I just dunno if I'm really in a good place to start up all this boyfriend/girlfriend shit. I mean holy fuck, I don't know what I want to do with my life, or next year for that matter... Hell I don't know if I'll even BE HERE next year, I could still fail afterall. I know I'm a nice guy and shit but I dunno, I just feel as if I'm really unreliable or something just because of how unmotivated I am. She's quite a hard working student (although she still fits in a couple of nights out a week, wtf?) and I don't want to be a lazy bum who drags her down.
Seriously though, I wish I knew WHY I was so unmotivated. I don't know WHY I'm not willing to put the time and effort into things. I don't know WHY I choose to piss my life away when I could turn it around in the blink of an eye. It bugs me.
I am considering dropping the Illustration half and doing just a whole degree in Graphics. I don't think I am good enough at Illustration to really make anything of it, DESPITE what friends may tell me. I think I would make a Graphic Designer, especially if I dropped Illustration and just concentrated on the one subject. However, I already do the important stuff from the Graphics course anyway, so if I did swap to single honours I would lose illustration for the sake of a photography lesson and a visual studies session. I was quite gutted when I started the course and found out only Singles do photography, but now the idea of dropping illustration to do it bores me.
I guess I would like to carry on doing the joint honours as it seems more fun, only thing is I think I would probably be better off doing single honours in the long term. So its sensibility vs. enjoyment. I just don't know. I really don't.
I am going to just leave things with Clare for a while, and see how they go. I was going to try to get in a situation where it was just the two of us, and then tell her how I felt (like invite her over for a movie or something) but to be honest I think I am just going to wait and see if anything happens naturally. No point forcing it right? Besides, a month or so ago she said I could go stay with her in SOuthampton over the summer... If she asks again (ie. if she's serious about it) then I'll go down, and see if anything happens then. Obviously I'd wait til my last night there in case she reacts badly and I have nowhere to stay for then night, lol.
The reason I don't want to try and force things is I just dunno if I'm really in a good place to start up all this boyfriend/girlfriend shit. I mean holy fuck, I don't know what I want to do with my life, or next year for that matter... Hell I don't know if I'll even BE HERE next year, I could still fail afterall. I know I'm a nice guy and shit but I dunno, I just feel as if I'm really unreliable or something just because of how unmotivated I am. She's quite a hard working student (although she still fits in a couple of nights out a week, wtf?) and I don't want to be a lazy bum who drags her down.
Seriously though, I wish I knew WHY I was so unmotivated. I don't know WHY I'm not willing to put the time and effort into things. I don't know WHY I choose to piss my life away when I could turn it around in the blink of an eye. It bugs me.