[Oneshot] Sunlit Eyes
Eyes always drew Yoochun in. He never understood it as a kid. No matter how hard he tried to think, he couldn’t figure out why he found eyes - of every shape, size, and color - to be so fascinating.
It wasn’t until he grew older that he found out why.
They told stories. Stories of a person’s lives - how they felt, what they went through, the thoughts they have, the emotions they feel. Because no matter how hard a person smiled, their eyes would always tell the truth. And perhaps that’s why they drew Yoochun in. He always yearned to learn the truth. He liked to dig into another’s soul and find the person hidden beneath all the masks.
Because if anything, Yoochun knew he was the best at masks. He crafted them as if they were precious stones, polished them until they shone, and displayed them like prized jewels. He slipped into them like a kid does into his favorite pajamas. He smiled when told to do so, laughed when cued, and cried when appropriate. But he never, ever, felt free. Masks, they were all just masks. And for ages - the past two decades of his life - he had silently been crying out for someone to discover him, like he discovered others. He was waiting for someone, anyone, to look into his. And to tell him, why oh why everything hurt so badly.
Then he met Junsu. A boy (or was it man, he wondered), a year younger than him, and with the most fascinating eyes. They smiled at him when Junsu smiled and cried when Junsu cried. There was no faking. No masks, Yoochun thought, not like my own. So he would stare at Junsu, day in and day out, and wonder how someone, anyone, can be so honest.
For all his expertise in eyes, Yoochun would vouch that not once in his short life has he met someone who never slipped into a mask before. At least once or twice, the nicest person he knew would fake a polite smile just to appease someone who clearly irritated them. But no, Junsu smiled when he felt like it and glared when he did not.
So Yoochun tagged along with Junsu to his usual café, walked him home from their university, begrudgingly allowed himself to be dragged to movies, and accompanied Junsu on small trips along the beach - all just to look at Junsu’s eyes. He watched as they glared at him for his tardiness, laughed when he whispered jokes, and misted when they watched sad movies. But there was also a small twinkle that he couldn’t place a finger on. It rarely showed, but every time it did, Junsu would quickly distract him (“Oh look superman,” Junsu would cry out) and the thought would flit out of his mind as quickly as it had come in.
However, no matter how fascinated he was with Junsu’s eyes, he never told the other man of his odd obsession. It wasn’t until Junsu pointed it out (“You like eyes, don’t you?”) that he was forced to talk about it.
He nodded in answer to the question. It was a decent question - not too prying, but direct enough that Yoochun had to answer. “Yeah.”
“Mm.” Junsu hummed, seating himself down onto the sand, curling into Yoochun for his warmth. It was a bit chillier than their usual nights down by the beach, but Junsu had insisted on seeing the full moon reflect off the water one last time. “Why?”
Yoochun shrugged, wrapping his arms around Junsu, knowing the other boy was colder than he let on. He sighed when his hand touched icy skin. “Just because.”
“Because?”
Silence hung in the air as Yoochun tried to convey his thoughts. “They hold emotions.”
Junsu raised his head up from its resting spot on Yoochun’s shoulder. “Emotions? Like…?” He trailed off, reaching up to play with Yoochun’s long fingers (“Piano fingers,” he had whispered once upon a time).
“Like happiness.” Yoochun frowned. “Why are you asking this all of a sudden?” He glanced down at Junsu.
“Just because.” Junsu smiled sweetly, his eyes lighting up.
“Because?” Yoochun rolled his eyes, playing along.
“You stare at them all the time. Everyone’s. As if you’re reading their souls.” Junsu murmured, leaned back against Yoochun, pulling the arm around him closer.
“And?”
“What have you seen in mine?”
“…Why do you want to know?” Yoochun murmured, resting his chin on top of Junsu’s head.
“I want to know how you see me.”
“Your eyes…” Yoochun frowned, trying to describe the feelings Junsu made him feel. “They shine brighter than the sun.”
“What does that mean?” Junsu chuckled.
Yoochun tilted his head, rolling the question around in his mind before he came up with an answer. “That you’re the truth. Yours shine brighter than everyone else’s”
“The truth?”
Yoochun nodded, rubbing his cheek against Junsu’s softer hair. “Your eyes…they tell everything you feel. So yeah…the truth.”
Junsu leaned away, staring into Yoochun’s eyes. “What do my eyes look like right now?”
Yoochun frowned. There was the twinkle that he could never place. “I…don’t know.”
Junsu shook his head, a soft smile lining his lips. “Silly Yoochun-ah.” He leaned back into Yoochun’s embrace. “It’s saying, I love you. Got it?”
Yoochun blinked. “Eh?”
“I love you. Must I spell it out?” Junsu chuckled.
“Please do.” Yoochun smirked when Junsu smacked him on the arm. “Yah. Stop that.” He pulled the other man closer. “You know that I love you too, right? No matter what.”
“Good. You better. Now say it, looking into my eyes.” Junsu glanced up.
“I love you?” Yoochun murmured, staring into those fathomless eyes.
Junsu nodded quietly, resting his head against Yoochun’s shoulder again. “I’m glad…”
“For?”
“To be able to see your eyes light up. They were always so…sad before.”
Yoochun clenched his hand on Junsu’s arm, breathing in the other man’s scent deeply. “You saw?”
“I see everything, Yoochun-ah. I know you like the back of my hand.” Junsu smiled. “What made you think I wouldn’t see your eyes? Though I must admit I saw your lips first.” He nudged his boyfriend gently.
“Because no one else saw.”
“…I did.”
Yoochun nodded quietly. “Yeah. You did.”
Junsu breathed, trying to even out his breathing. “Promise to stare at yourself in the mirror and describe your eyes for me, alright? I’ll try my best to envision them in my mind.”
“Of course.”
“And don’t leave out any details.”
“I won’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“You’ll even tell me when your eyes does that little twitching thing when they’re about to cry?” Junsu smiled, his heart clenching a bit at the memory.
“Yes.”
“Really?” Junsu whispered, his hand holding onto Yoochun’s tightly.
“Junsu-ah. I’ll be your eyes. And I’ll tell you everything. From how wrinkled my eyes get when I’m 30 to how they’re not the deep brown you knew when we were 20. I’ll even tell you what I look like when I cry. But that, I might have to whisper. Can’t have anyone else knowing that I’m crying, hm?”
Junsu nodded. “And you’ll tell me when your eyes light up?”
“That too.”
“And how crinkly your eyes get when they laugh?”
“Yes.”
“And how they become a deeper brown when you’re angry?”
“If you want me to, I will.”
Junsu nodded. “I want to know everything.”
“Then I’ll tell you everything.” Yoochun answered back smoothly.
“Good.” Junsu closed his eyes. “Will you still look into my eyes? When they’re…you know…”
“I’ll look at them every day.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
Junsu nodded. “I’m ready then.” He nodded again for good measure, as if to reassure himself.
Yoochun hugged the other man closer. “Your eyes…they’ll always be beautiful to me, Junsu-ah. Because they were the only ones to look at mines.”
++++
In exactly three months and four days, Kim Junsu lost his eyesight to Retinitis Pigmentosa.
It was a disease that was slow in progression. Junsu hadn’t mentioned it when they first met. Nor did he mention it until far later. Without any indication towards abnormality, Yoochun had always brushed off the other teen’s various stumbles in the dark as a sign of clumsiness.
It wasn’t until Junsu pulled him aside to talk about it quietly that Yoochun found out. It had been right after his latest appointment with his eye doctor and they had told him there wasn’t anything they could do - that he would slowly lose all vision from then on. Afterward, Junsu had dragged him out to see all sorts of things - his favorite café, the art museum he had always promised to go to, the rising sunset on a mountaintop, and everything else that popped into his mind.
Yoochun went along with it all, hoping to catch every glimpse of Junsu’s eyes. And even till now, when Junsu’s eyes has lost all sight, he quietly waits beside the man to commit every emotion to memory.
Because if Junsu’s eyes were the sun then Yoochun’s eyes are the moon, forever revolving around the brightest light.