Video Post 33 [Dated to morning and fail private to James and Remus]

[siriuslymagical]

[Sirius looks young and pretty again, but the dark scowl on his face doesn't do much for his good looks.  He's outside of the flat and sitting on his motorbike.  He's fumbling around for his keys as he speaks.]

I'm going out for a drive.  I'll be back when I'm back.

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[chaserprongs]

[Oh, fuck you, he is not letting you go off by yourself to angst. Brb, coming down the stairs to come outside.]

Sirius.

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[siriuslymagical]

[Sirius has the keys in the ignition by the time James comes out, but he hasn't turned it on yet. He's gripping the keys so tightly that his knuckles are white.]

[He speaks without even turning around.]

What do you want James?

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[chaserprongs]

Where do you think you're going?

[Stupid question.]

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[siriuslymagical]

Nowhere really...just out.

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[chaserprongs]

Mind if I tag along?

[It's not a request, really, he's going regardless.]

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[siriuslymagical]

You should stay behind and make sure Remus is alright. The full moon last week was rough on him.

[And Sirius couldn't do anything to help Remus during that time. He couldn't do anything all week long.]

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[chaserprongs]

[He wants to say that Remus is fine. Remus is always fine. He'll be okay. It's Sirius that needs James.

But he doesn't.]

... you'll be okay, you know.

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[siriuslymagical]

I...I'm not really so sure about that right now. But I'll figure it out.

[I have to. But that goes unsaid.]

[Offline] /NOT GAY.

[chaserprongs]

[James is silent for a moment before he crosses to Sirius and gives him a tight hug. No words. They're not really necessary.

He's sorry for leaving you alone.]

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[siriuslymagical]

[He doesn't return the hug, but he doesn't shrug it off. He's shaking a bit in James' arms and he bites his lip in order to keep any tears that might be in his eyes at bay.]

[The last thing he needs to do in front of James is have a breakdown.]

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[chaserprongs]

I would've done the same thing.

[It's quiet and he lets Sirius go after a moment, a tiny smile in place. And it's the truth. If Peter had betrayed them and had Sirius killed? Hell yes James would have gone after the bastard who had done it... even more so if Voldemort had left him alive, had left Lily and Harry dead, with nothing.

Family and friends first, and all that.]

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[siriuslymagical]

[Really doesn't make things better, James. Sirius lets out a shaky breath before speaking.]

I've known for a while that I'm supposed to go to Azkaban when I'm older...I never knew what it was for though. A-and being inside his...my head last week...I never want to experience that again. But I know I will.

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[chaserprongs]

[And the smile falters.]

Our futures aren't all that they're cracked up to be.

[It's said quietly.]

But you have to believe that it'll work out. Something has to.

Harry survived.

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[siriuslymagical]

You can say that again, mate.

[His grip looses slightly on his keys and he drops his arms so they're by his sides.]

You trusted me to be his godfather but I threw away the chance I had at raising him. I threw away my entire fucking life, James.

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[chaserprongs]

[He's silent for a minute.]

You can't take back what happened. The only thing you can do is go forward with what you've got. And here? We have a chance to live as long as possible until we're forced to be sent back.

So... let's do that, okay?

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[siriuslymagical]

What am I supposed to look forward to in prison, James?