bleed it out digging deeper just to throw it away
So I have spent a rather ridiculous amount of time on this mix. Like, every waking moment I've had my headphones in except when I'm in class or in the shower. Unfortunately not exaggerating. So yeah, I've listened to these songs at least 20 times each and have been fiddling with the content / order like whoa and I'm pretty damn proud of it.
It's two mixes, but really just two parts of the same one.
Err. There are incredibly detailed and complicated reasons for the placement of each song but I'm pretty sure no one cares but me lol.
Anyway!
Medium: TV
Fandom: 24
Subject: Renee Walker
Title: Clock Spinning Round / One Flat Foot On The Devil's Wing
Warnings: Spoilers for 8.04
Notes: This mix is very Dark. Dark. As in depressing, dealing with suicide / self-harm, nothing light and fluffy, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. DARK.
Mix is set between season 7 and 8. Part 1 leads up to Renee's suicide attempt; part 2 is the aftermath, and her transformation to angry-scary-badass.
Enjoy!
Clock Spinning Round:
01. i know you are but what am i? ~ mogwai
(instrumental)
02. fractured ~ zeromancer
can't you see my hands are clean
i'm as holy as can be
i will never do you harm
i am fractured
it can never be the same
what kind of life is this?
i warned you a thousand times
it's like crying to the clouds
and why are you asking me questions
you already know the answer to?
a good life
is a quiet life
03. slipping away ~ trust company
you said hold on
but i feel like i'm slipping away
i won't let you down
the words you said to me
it's echoing the sound
of what would never be
i'm standing here alone
the memories remain
the same familiar home
but nothing looks the same
and i'm standing here alone
can't tell if i'm awake
reality is gone
in a dream i will escape
i'm getting through it now
i guess it's plain to see
that everything i am
is not everything you need
and i'm standing here alone
can't tell if i'm awake
and it feels like i'm slipping away
reality is gone
in a dream i will escape
and it feels like i'm slipping away
04. my december ~ linkin park
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
and i (just wish that i didn't feel like there was something i missed)
and i (take back all the things that i said to make you feel like that)
and i’d give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow-covered trees
this is me pretending
this is all i need
05. 02.20 girl ~ suicide sports club
can somebody help her
lost and confused
she’s been here before
but her mind ain’t much use
forgot what she came for
or even why shes here
but when her eyes are shut
she's not there
she dont care
it’s all so easy on your own
two twenty girl
on your way to nowhere
might as well stay here
don’t care to rember
the reasons why your here
cause when your eyes are shut
you’re not there you dont care
it’s all so easy on your own
06. state of mind ~ merril bainbridge
where do i go from here
or am i just a clock spinning round
everything seems unclear
confusion is raising it's head and i can't make a sound
i feel it tearing at my soul while i'm asleep
i feel it driving me to something i'll regret
what if i make the change
what if i loose all my courage this time
everything seems so strange
try but i can't seem to make a decision that's right
i feel it pounding like a drum inside my brain
i feel it
if it doesn't stop i'll go insane
i feel it tearing at my soul while i'm asleep
i feel it driving me to something i'll regret
i feel it pounding like a drum inside my brain
i feel it; if it doesn't stop i'll go insane
07. gentle execution ~ bear mccreary
(instrumental)
08. strawberry gashes ~ jack off jill
turn her over
a candle is lit, i see through her
blow it out and save all her ashes for me
curse me sold her
the poison that runs it's course through her
pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
called her over and asked her if she was improving
she said "feels fine, it's wonderful, wonderful here”
hex me told her
i dreamt of a devil that knew her
pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
i lay quiet waiting for her voice to say
"some things you lose and some things you just give away"
scold me failed her
if only i'd held on tighter
to her pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me
watch me lose her
it's almost like losing myself
give her my soul and let them take somebody else get away from me
watch me fault her
you're living like a disaster
she said kill me faster
with strawberry gashes all over
09. numb ~ holly mcnarland
chase destruction of your own emotions
and your need for love, makes you easy prey
safety of the rubber glove seems much too simple
climbing up and down, waiting for the day
chase distraction of your own existance
keep it clean, clean enough to stab
lick your own wounds, anxious for the next one
cry for more pain, heal what you have
just another hit for the one you love
if you cared at all, you’d put me down
wake up dead man, can’t you see i’m starving
you can’t see if i’m not listening
you can’t hear with my eyes open
i can’t hate with my eyes open
i feel better when i’m numb
10. bleed it out ~ linkin park
yeah here we go for the hundredth time
hand grenade pins in every line
throw 'em up and let something shine
going out of my fucking mind
filthy mouth, no excuse
find a new place to hang this noose
string me up from atop these roofs
knot it tight so i won't get loose
truth is you can stop and stare
run myself out and no one cares
dug the trench out laid down there
with a shovel up out of reach somewhere
yeah, someone pour it in
make it a dirt dance floor again
say your prayers and stomp it out
i bleed it out
digging deeper
just to throw it away
mama help me i've been cursed
death is rolling in every verse
candy paint on his brand new hearse
can't contain him he knows he works
fuck this hurts, i won't lie
doesn't matter how hard i try
half the words don't mean a thing
and i know that i wont be satisfied
so why try ignoring him
make it a dirt dance floor again
i've opened up these scars
i'll make you face this
i've pulled myself so far
i'll make you, face, this, now
i bleed it out
digging deeper
just to throw it away
11. razor ~ foo fighters
sweet and divine
razor of mine
sweet and divine
razorblade shine
patience my dear
we could spend a lifetime waiting here
maybe this time
i hope i get the chance to say goodbye
day after day
cutting away
day after day
but anyway
wake up it's time
we need to find a better place to hide
make up your mind
i need to know i need to know tonight
download
One Flat Foot On The Devil's Wing
01. remains ~ maurissa tancharon & jed whedon
burn down my home
my memories hardened and are bright as chrome
good times escape
while every mistake seems to be caught on tape
i will go rolling fast
arms out in the rain
love ties you down to the pain
a billion eyes are watching, fossilized
they see what remains
remains
gave up this town
what waste are we left with when it’s boiled down
shine light on me
your image reflected is all you’ll ever see
they see what remains
remains
02. harrowdown hill ~ thom yorke
don't walk the plank like i did
you will be dispensed with
when you've become inconvenient
in the harrowdown hill
did i fall or was i pushed?
and where's the blood?
i'm coming home
to make it all right
so dry your eyes
can you see me when i'm running?
away from them
i can't take their pressure
no one cares if you live or die
they just want me gone
they want me gone
it was a slippery slippery slippery slope
i feel me slipping in and out of consciousness
03. ashes in the brittle air ~ black tape for a blue girl
(instrumental)
04. breathe me ~ sia
help, I have done it again
i have been here many times before
i hurt myself again today
and the worst part is there's no one else to blame
ouch
i have lost myself again
lost myself and i am nowhere to be found,
yeah i think that i might break
lost myself again and i feel unsafe
be my friend
hold me, wrap me up
unfold me
i am small and needy
warm me up
and breathe me
05. hello ~ evanescence
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, i'm not broken
hello i am the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday
06. refugees return ~ bear mccreary
(instrumental)
07. bother ~ stone sour
wish i was too dead to cry
my self-affliction fades
stones to throw at my creator
masochists to which i cater
you don't need to bother
i don't need to be
i'll keep slipping farther
but once I hold on
i won't let go 'til it bleeds
wish i was too dead to care
if indeed i cared at all
never had a voice to protest
so you fed me shit to digest
i wish i had a reason
my flaws are open season
for this, i gave up trying
one good turn deserves my dying
wish i'd died instead of lived
a zombie hides my face
shell forgotten with its memories
diaries left with cryptic entries
you don't need to bother
i don't need to be
i'll keep slipping farther
but once i hold on
i'll never live down my deceit
08. before the world will end ~ southFM
april showers bring the mayflies
collecting round the porch light
echoing the twilight
another day will dawn here
this city sleeps in silence
the writings on the wall
the distance between streetlights
i don't know where you are
or how you sleep at night
if you can sleep at all
under this quiet sky
intense anticipation cuts this deaf calm like a razor blade
and no one seems to notice
no one seems to notice
something is near
approaches children sleeping
a light upon these delicate eyes
with our ears against the ground
because the war is in our minds
the sun and moon are trading places
and no one seems to notice
we've only a few moments
before the world will end
i don't know where you are
or how you sleep at night
if you can sleep at all
under this quiet sky
we've only a few moments
before the world will end
and no one seems to notice
no one seems to notice
and when i think of you i still have regrets
the things we never said
the things we never did
if i could change the past then the things i said
i'd have said them more
i would have said it more
09. death is the road to awe ~ clint mansell & kronos quartet
(instrumental)
10. keep breathing ~ ingrid michaelson
storm is coming but i don't mind.
people are dying
i close my blinds.
all that i know is i'm breathing now.
i want to change the world
instead i sleep
i want to believe in more than you and me.
but all that i know is i'm breathing.
all i can do is keep breathing.
all we can do is keep breathing now.
11. everything burns ~ ben moody ft. anastacia
she sits in her corner singing herself to sleep
wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep
she no longer cries to herself, no tears left to wash away
just diaries of empty pages, feelings gone astray
but she will sing
walking through life unnoticed
knowing that no one cares
too consumed in their masquerade
no one sees her there
and still she sings
'till everything burns
while everyone screams
burning their lies
burning my dreams
all of this hate
and all of this pain
burn it all down
as my anger reigns
'till everything burns
everything burns
watching it all fade away
everyone screams
burning their lies
burning my dreams
(all of this hate)
and all of this pain
i'll burn it all down
as my anger reigns
‘til everything burns
(everything burns)
watching it all fade away
12. living dead girl ~ rob zombie
who is this irresistible creature
who has an insatiable love for the dead?
living dead girl
what are you thinking about?
rage in the cage
there's only one sure way
to bring the giant down
defunct the strings
of cemetery things
with one flat foot
on the devil's wing
creates another fiend
so beautiful
they make you kill
crawl on me
sink into me
die for me
living dead girl
blood on her skin
dripping with sin
do it again
living dead girl
13. cover up ~ trapt
you must have pulled the trigger
your eyes give you away
the gun in your hand still smoking
you don't have to take the blame
you have to do what you have to do
you know i'd never judge you
still time to close those eyes
forget what happened, forget you lied
put the mask back on, put the mask back on
don't take it off till everbody’s gone
put the mask back on, put the mask back on
no disguise has ever lasted so long
cover up, cover up
don't let them see the real you
if your secrets can’t stay silent
all those rumors might just end up being true
you’re free to do what you want
you never thought of consequence
you created your own little world
where you could always be different
a place were the rules do not apply
you could never be denied
you took advantage of a good thing
and now the void you filled is empty
cover up, cover up
don't question anything you do
you have always kept it quiet
but your conscience haunts you every time you choose
has anyone ever reached out to you
has anyone ever seen your real face
does anyone know what you've been doing
as the one we used to know fades away
14. way away ~ yellowcard
i think im breaking out
I’m gonna leave you now
there’s nothing for me here
it's all the same
and even though i know
that everything might go
go downhill from here
i'm not afraid
way away away from here i'll be
way away away so you can see
how it feels to be alone and not believe
feels to be alone and not believe anything
you can't stop me now
you can't hold me down
you can't keep me here, i'm on my way
i've made it this far now
and i'm not burning out
no matter what you say
i'm not afraid
letting out the noise inside of me
every window pane is shattering
cutting up my words before i speak
this is how it feels to not believe
download
Full version of the wallpaper the covers are made from:
Um, wow. I'm not obsessed. *hee*
Now that I've finally gotten this out of my head maybe I can move on to make a happier mix...
It's two mixes, but really just two parts of the same one.
Err. There are incredibly detailed and complicated reasons for the placement of each song but I'm pretty sure no one cares but me lol.
Anyway!
Medium: TV
Fandom: 24
Subject: Renee Walker
Title: Clock Spinning Round / One Flat Foot On The Devil's Wing
Warnings: Spoilers for 8.04
Notes: This mix is very Dark. Dark. As in depressing, dealing with suicide / self-harm, nothing light and fluffy, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. DARK.
Mix is set between season 7 and 8. Part 1 leads up to Renee's suicide attempt; part 2 is the aftermath, and her transformation to angry-scary-badass.
Enjoy!
Clock Spinning Round:
01. i know you are but what am i? ~ mogwai
(instrumental)
02. fractured ~ zeromancer
can't you see my hands are clean
i'm as holy as can be
i will never do you harm
i am fractured
it can never be the same
what kind of life is this?
i warned you a thousand times
it's like crying to the clouds
and why are you asking me questions
you already know the answer to?
a good life
is a quiet life
03. slipping away ~ trust company
you said hold on
but i feel like i'm slipping away
i won't let you down
the words you said to me
it's echoing the sound
of what would never be
i'm standing here alone
the memories remain
the same familiar home
but nothing looks the same
and i'm standing here alone
can't tell if i'm awake
reality is gone
in a dream i will escape
i'm getting through it now
i guess it's plain to see
that everything i am
is not everything you need
and i'm standing here alone
can't tell if i'm awake
and it feels like i'm slipping away
reality is gone
in a dream i will escape
and it feels like i'm slipping away
04. my december ~ linkin park
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
and i (just wish that i didn't feel like there was something i missed)
and i (take back all the things that i said to make you feel like that)
and i’d give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow-covered trees
this is me pretending
this is all i need
05. 02.20 girl ~ suicide sports club
can somebody help her
lost and confused
she’s been here before
but her mind ain’t much use
forgot what she came for
or even why shes here
but when her eyes are shut
she's not there
she dont care
it’s all so easy on your own
two twenty girl
on your way to nowhere
might as well stay here
don’t care to rember
the reasons why your here
cause when your eyes are shut
you’re not there you dont care
it’s all so easy on your own
06. state of mind ~ merril bainbridge
where do i go from here
or am i just a clock spinning round
everything seems unclear
confusion is raising it's head and i can't make a sound
i feel it tearing at my soul while i'm asleep
i feel it driving me to something i'll regret
what if i make the change
what if i loose all my courage this time
everything seems so strange
try but i can't seem to make a decision that's right
i feel it pounding like a drum inside my brain
i feel it
if it doesn't stop i'll go insane
i feel it tearing at my soul while i'm asleep
i feel it driving me to something i'll regret
i feel it pounding like a drum inside my brain
i feel it; if it doesn't stop i'll go insane
07. gentle execution ~ bear mccreary
(instrumental)
08. strawberry gashes ~ jack off jill
turn her over
a candle is lit, i see through her
blow it out and save all her ashes for me
curse me sold her
the poison that runs it's course through her
pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
called her over and asked her if she was improving
she said "feels fine, it's wonderful, wonderful here”
hex me told her
i dreamt of a devil that knew her
pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
i lay quiet waiting for her voice to say
"some things you lose and some things you just give away"
scold me failed her
if only i'd held on tighter
to her pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me
watch me lose her
it's almost like losing myself
give her my soul and let them take somebody else get away from me
watch me fault her
you're living like a disaster
she said kill me faster
with strawberry gashes all over
09. numb ~ holly mcnarland
chase destruction of your own emotions
and your need for love, makes you easy prey
safety of the rubber glove seems much too simple
climbing up and down, waiting for the day
chase distraction of your own existance
keep it clean, clean enough to stab
lick your own wounds, anxious for the next one
cry for more pain, heal what you have
just another hit for the one you love
if you cared at all, you’d put me down
wake up dead man, can’t you see i’m starving
you can’t see if i’m not listening
you can’t hear with my eyes open
i can’t hate with my eyes open
i feel better when i’m numb
10. bleed it out ~ linkin park
yeah here we go for the hundredth time
hand grenade pins in every line
throw 'em up and let something shine
going out of my fucking mind
filthy mouth, no excuse
find a new place to hang this noose
string me up from atop these roofs
knot it tight so i won't get loose
truth is you can stop and stare
run myself out and no one cares
dug the trench out laid down there
with a shovel up out of reach somewhere
yeah, someone pour it in
make it a dirt dance floor again
say your prayers and stomp it out
i bleed it out
digging deeper
just to throw it away
mama help me i've been cursed
death is rolling in every verse
candy paint on his brand new hearse
can't contain him he knows he works
fuck this hurts, i won't lie
doesn't matter how hard i try
half the words don't mean a thing
and i know that i wont be satisfied
so why try ignoring him
make it a dirt dance floor again
i've opened up these scars
i'll make you face this
i've pulled myself so far
i'll make you, face, this, now
i bleed it out
digging deeper
just to throw it away
11. razor ~ foo fighters
sweet and divine
razor of mine
sweet and divine
razorblade shine
patience my dear
we could spend a lifetime waiting here
maybe this time
i hope i get the chance to say goodbye
day after day
cutting away
day after day
but anyway
wake up it's time
we need to find a better place to hide
make up your mind
i need to know i need to know tonight
download
One Flat Foot On The Devil's Wing
01. remains ~ maurissa tancharon & jed whedon
burn down my home
my memories hardened and are bright as chrome
good times escape
while every mistake seems to be caught on tape
i will go rolling fast
arms out in the rain
love ties you down to the pain
a billion eyes are watching, fossilized
they see what remains
remains
gave up this town
what waste are we left with when it’s boiled down
shine light on me
your image reflected is all you’ll ever see
they see what remains
remains
02. harrowdown hill ~ thom yorke
don't walk the plank like i did
you will be dispensed with
when you've become inconvenient
in the harrowdown hill
did i fall or was i pushed?
and where's the blood?
i'm coming home
to make it all right
so dry your eyes
can you see me when i'm running?
away from them
i can't take their pressure
no one cares if you live or die
they just want me gone
they want me gone
it was a slippery slippery slippery slope
i feel me slipping in and out of consciousness
03. ashes in the brittle air ~ black tape for a blue girl
(instrumental)
04. breathe me ~ sia
help, I have done it again
i have been here many times before
i hurt myself again today
and the worst part is there's no one else to blame
ouch
i have lost myself again
lost myself and i am nowhere to be found,
yeah i think that i might break
lost myself again and i feel unsafe
be my friend
hold me, wrap me up
unfold me
i am small and needy
warm me up
and breathe me
05. hello ~ evanescence
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, i'm not broken
hello i am the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday
06. refugees return ~ bear mccreary
(instrumental)
07. bother ~ stone sour
wish i was too dead to cry
my self-affliction fades
stones to throw at my creator
masochists to which i cater
you don't need to bother
i don't need to be
i'll keep slipping farther
but once I hold on
i won't let go 'til it bleeds
wish i was too dead to care
if indeed i cared at all
never had a voice to protest
so you fed me shit to digest
i wish i had a reason
my flaws are open season
for this, i gave up trying
one good turn deserves my dying
wish i'd died instead of lived
a zombie hides my face
shell forgotten with its memories
diaries left with cryptic entries
you don't need to bother
i don't need to be
i'll keep slipping farther
but once i hold on
i'll never live down my deceit
08. before the world will end ~ southFM
april showers bring the mayflies
collecting round the porch light
echoing the twilight
another day will dawn here
this city sleeps in silence
the writings on the wall
the distance between streetlights
i don't know where you are
or how you sleep at night
if you can sleep at all
under this quiet sky
intense anticipation cuts this deaf calm like a razor blade
and no one seems to notice
no one seems to notice
something is near
approaches children sleeping
a light upon these delicate eyes
with our ears against the ground
because the war is in our minds
the sun and moon are trading places
and no one seems to notice
we've only a few moments
before the world will end
i don't know where you are
or how you sleep at night
if you can sleep at all
under this quiet sky
we've only a few moments
before the world will end
and no one seems to notice
no one seems to notice
and when i think of you i still have regrets
the things we never said
the things we never did
if i could change the past then the things i said
i'd have said them more
i would have said it more
09. death is the road to awe ~ clint mansell & kronos quartet
(instrumental)
10. keep breathing ~ ingrid michaelson
storm is coming but i don't mind.
people are dying
i close my blinds.
all that i know is i'm breathing now.
i want to change the world
instead i sleep
i want to believe in more than you and me.
but all that i know is i'm breathing.
all i can do is keep breathing.
all we can do is keep breathing now.
11. everything burns ~ ben moody ft. anastacia
she sits in her corner singing herself to sleep
wrapped in all of the promises that no one seems to keep
she no longer cries to herself, no tears left to wash away
just diaries of empty pages, feelings gone astray
but she will sing
walking through life unnoticed
knowing that no one cares
too consumed in their masquerade
no one sees her there
and still she sings
'till everything burns
while everyone screams
burning their lies
burning my dreams
all of this hate
and all of this pain
burn it all down
as my anger reigns
'till everything burns
everything burns
watching it all fade away
everyone screams
burning their lies
burning my dreams
(all of this hate)
and all of this pain
i'll burn it all down
as my anger reigns
‘til everything burns
(everything burns)
watching it all fade away
12. living dead girl ~ rob zombie
who is this irresistible creature
who has an insatiable love for the dead?
living dead girl
what are you thinking about?
rage in the cage
there's only one sure way
to bring the giant down
defunct the strings
of cemetery things
with one flat foot
on the devil's wing
creates another fiend
so beautiful
they make you kill
crawl on me
sink into me
die for me
living dead girl
blood on her skin
dripping with sin
do it again
living dead girl
13. cover up ~ trapt
you must have pulled the trigger
your eyes give you away
the gun in your hand still smoking
you don't have to take the blame
you have to do what you have to do
you know i'd never judge you
still time to close those eyes
forget what happened, forget you lied
put the mask back on, put the mask back on
don't take it off till everbody’s gone
put the mask back on, put the mask back on
no disguise has ever lasted so long
cover up, cover up
don't let them see the real you
if your secrets can’t stay silent
all those rumors might just end up being true
you’re free to do what you want
you never thought of consequence
you created your own little world
where you could always be different
a place were the rules do not apply
you could never be denied
you took advantage of a good thing
and now the void you filled is empty
cover up, cover up
don't question anything you do
you have always kept it quiet
but your conscience haunts you every time you choose
has anyone ever reached out to you
has anyone ever seen your real face
does anyone know what you've been doing
as the one we used to know fades away
14. way away ~ yellowcard
i think im breaking out
I’m gonna leave you now
there’s nothing for me here
it's all the same
and even though i know
that everything might go
go downhill from here
i'm not afraid
way away away from here i'll be
way away away so you can see
how it feels to be alone and not believe
feels to be alone and not believe anything
you can't stop me now
you can't hold me down
you can't keep me here, i'm on my way
i've made it this far now
and i'm not burning out
no matter what you say
i'm not afraid
letting out the noise inside of me
every window pane is shattering
cutting up my words before i speak
this is how it feels to not believe
download
Full version of the wallpaper the covers are made from:
Um, wow. I'm not obsessed. *hee*
Now that I've finally gotten this out of my head maybe I can move on to make a happier mix...