empty
what is the point of anything? why do i bother? why does ne one? i talk on the phone for ten minutes to someone when it's FREE because it's a verizon to verizon phone but she doesn't know that ne way. why would she? it's not as if she talks to me. it's as if i can't say anything or she can't talk. well if that's how it is then i won't bother speaking anymore. apparently everyone will be happy then. i try to help her. it's like she doesn't understand. we're both adults, we need to both do things, have jobs because if we want to live we need money. it's that simple. in this society there is no way that two regular people can survive together with just one working. i mean what is she trying to do? make me broke? does she just want a free ride? all this "i love you i love you" but how can she love me that much when she's not even willing to talk to me? nevermind help me pay bills for what we BOTH do. sometimes it's like wow, i should strangle her cuz she's probably just using you. no big deal to her. it's not my fault she doesn't go out and do anything. she doesnt like my friends. she doesn't and apparently won't get a job because she's not in a good mood when i use the phone so apparently that means she shouldn't go get a fuckin job and let ryan pay for everything. ok. that is bullshit and i would never think of imposing that on another person. maybe cuz i'm just a fuckin sucker apparently. i mean what the fuck? everything just lays around too. it's not like she's not home all fucking day. i even go out so that we can have BOTH of our clothes washed in a good area instead of an aids pool but can she even bother to maybe show me a favor in return by hanging up the clothes or something? I mean shit, it's not as if her clothes are being washed too right? Why should she bother? It's not as if the food she is eating is ALL coming out of my pocket. EVERYTHING IS. I don't think she has given me more than fucking 50 cents for a phone call since we've been up here. what the fuck is her problem? is she not living here? oh, i forgot. she loves me. right. i'm believing that right now. i mean shit, why not? i believe everything else. but whatever, apparently she's too busy at home all day to even bother with me when i come home from fucking working so that i can support two people. i mean shit? why get up off of MY chair from her painting? not to really say much but hi...i'm drawing. not even a oh, how was it? i think maybe there was some mention of a small tip but that's it. not how well did you do? did you have a good time? just keep drawing. don't act as if i exist. no big deal. just keep talking to everyone online and draw all day. dont worry about me. don't expect me to cry dont expect me to lie dont expect me to die for me