(no subject)

[sirgalaith]

So after much thinking and dealing etc etc I have come to the following realization. If I ignore that I have mental problems I can deal with everyday life and have ok days and have no ok days but atleast I can deal with everday life. In the back of my head there will still be/is a the gnawing knowledge that things are not really ok but I can ignore that for the most part and avoid having really bad days. The other option is to focus solely on fixing the problems inside my head which I am confident that if I focus on solely I could theoretically fix or at least figure out and get over it. However, to do that I would have to drop basically everything else and just deal with that. For now I focus on dealing with life and put the bigger issues off and deal with life as thigns come up and take the little steps so that I can put myself in the best possible place to deal with the bumps of life as they come up. Maybe this summer when I have some time to just focus on what is going on inside my head I will take some time to focus on it but for now I just need to let it go and deal with life. I might have to wait for a while, several years even, and just live without truly being happy but at the same time avoid truly being sad. A kind of self-created emotional supression. kill my own feelings just to cope with life until I have the time to just deal with my head and nothing else.

Ok - enough thinking time time to just deal with life again