(no subject)
THESE ARE MY RAW FEELINGS. DONT CRITICIZE ME FOR THEM.
I am really having a hard time in school this year. My grades for first quarter where really good, but now it is just going down hill. I am actually seriosly contemplating dropping out, or taking that test to get out early. I just dont know what to do anymore. My counselor is incredibly sour, and my mom isnt listening to what I have to say. She's trying to make me go somewhere and do something I dont want to do when I graduate. I want to be a cosmotologist. That's what I'm going to do. I dont need a geometry class, I already have 4 credits of Math. I dont need any of this. I'm just so sick of all of this. Its turning into a huge mess that I am starting to get desperate with. If this doesnt get cleared up, I dont know what I'm going to do. I am just so unbelievably stressed right now. I'm so angry! My mom is not listening to me, and my counselor isnt either. I dont have any idea what I'm going to do about all of this. I'm so afraid that I'm going to fail that geometry class and have to come back next year. I'M NOT GOING BACK. This is why I need to drop the class. But my mom wont let me. I dont know if I can do this anymore. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS, and it seems to be happening to often these days. This feeling of desparity makes me want to just end it all, and no, thats not some clue to a suicide attempt, I'm stronger than that. I was just in the counselor's office, and she was being incredibly forceful with me because of the changes I wanted to make to my schedule. I asked her if I could have information on going to Ruther or taking the tap out test, and she flat out refused to give me anything. I was trying so damn hard to hold back from sobbing, because I'm just emotional like that, and I succeeded....until I got out of there and went to the bathroom. I was in there for quite awhile just crying. I felt like total crap. And I still do. I just want to go home and listen to horribly depressing music and cry myself to sleep, for the rest of the night. I dont want contact with anyone. I dont want to see anyone, I dont want to here anyone, and I dont want to talk to anyone. The hate I have for people right now goes way beyond anything I could ever feel. It's like I'm numb to it right now. I feel completely numb. These are the moments in my life that scare the hell out of me. These are the times when I feel like I am completely insane. I dont believe in phsyciatrists or anything of the sort, but right now, I need to talk to someone, or something. Someone or something, that will just listen to me cry, and listen to my thoughts no matter how ridiculous they are. I need someone to be there because right now I've never felt so alone in my life. And this is why I hate being an overly emotional teenage girl, during PMS. And I'm completely serious. I hate having to carry my pain, plus many others' on my back. Its heavily producing more and more hatred towards others and towards myself. I need to get out of here, I am so stressed out its unbelievable. And I'm sure I've repeated myself about 20 times in this entry, but I think I needed this. Im really sorry if anyone reads this. I am in the absolute firey core of the moment. These are my raw feelings, and I'm sorry if you made it all the way to this point.
I am really having a hard time in school this year. My grades for first quarter where really good, but now it is just going down hill. I am actually seriosly contemplating dropping out, or taking that test to get out early. I just dont know what to do anymore. My counselor is incredibly sour, and my mom isnt listening to what I have to say. She's trying to make me go somewhere and do something I dont want to do when I graduate. I want to be a cosmotologist. That's what I'm going to do. I dont need a geometry class, I already have 4 credits of Math. I dont need any of this. I'm just so sick of all of this. Its turning into a huge mess that I am starting to get desperate with. If this doesnt get cleared up, I dont know what I'm going to do. I am just so unbelievably stressed right now. I'm so angry! My mom is not listening to me, and my counselor isnt either. I dont have any idea what I'm going to do about all of this. I'm so afraid that I'm going to fail that geometry class and have to come back next year. I'M NOT GOING BACK. This is why I need to drop the class. But my mom wont let me. I dont know if I can do this anymore. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS, and it seems to be happening to often these days. This feeling of desparity makes me want to just end it all, and no, thats not some clue to a suicide attempt, I'm stronger than that. I was just in the counselor's office, and she was being incredibly forceful with me because of the changes I wanted to make to my schedule. I asked her if I could have information on going to Ruther or taking the tap out test, and she flat out refused to give me anything. I was trying so damn hard to hold back from sobbing, because I'm just emotional like that, and I succeeded....until I got out of there and went to the bathroom. I was in there for quite awhile just crying. I felt like total crap. And I still do. I just want to go home and listen to horribly depressing music and cry myself to sleep, for the rest of the night. I dont want contact with anyone. I dont want to see anyone, I dont want to here anyone, and I dont want to talk to anyone. The hate I have for people right now goes way beyond anything I could ever feel. It's like I'm numb to it right now. I feel completely numb. These are the moments in my life that scare the hell out of me. These are the times when I feel like I am completely insane. I dont believe in phsyciatrists or anything of the sort, but right now, I need to talk to someone, or something. Someone or something, that will just listen to me cry, and listen to my thoughts no matter how ridiculous they are. I need someone to be there because right now I've never felt so alone in my life. And this is why I hate being an overly emotional teenage girl, during PMS. And I'm completely serious. I hate having to carry my pain, plus many others' on my back. Its heavily producing more and more hatred towards others and towards myself. I need to get out of here, I am so stressed out its unbelievable. And I'm sure I've repeated myself about 20 times in this entry, but I think I needed this. Im really sorry if anyone reads this. I am in the absolute firey core of the moment. These are my raw feelings, and I'm sorry if you made it all the way to this point.