Tenuous Pull
Who: Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Sasuke
When: Tuesday, July 6, Evening
Where: The Major's Club
Summary: Kakashi decides to pay Sasuke a visit.
Warnings: Rofl, it's Kakashi and Sasuke, what do you expect |D;
It should've been easy.
Walking through the door and taking a seat, leaning against the bar and ordering a stiff drink. The kind of thing you do after a hard day of work, or a day of just too much shit. The kind of thing Kakashi's been doing more often these days, but usually the bar is an insignificant hole in the wall, the kind that serves cheap beer and filled with those who live at the edges of life, living outside of society and outside of being noticed. Most of them all have a story, but no one ever wanted to tell it. Telling it would bring them out of the margin and back onto the main page, and no one wanted to listen, anyway, so it is just the right kind of place for a stranger without a face who never drinks enough to be drunk. Being drunk means losing control and Kakashi is never not in control of himself.
So it's a little strange just how much he had to fight with himself to walk through the door of this particular establishment and sit down at the bar.
Sasuke should be working tonight, which is why he's brought himself here, instead of to the other place. Here, where he sits in the image of a man who does not have his face and waits for Sasuke to come back from wherever he's gone.
There's something ironic about this waiting. It feels like he's been doing it all along. And maybe that's all that he's good at doing -- waiting. Maybe that's where he's most comfortable. What happens when the wait ends is harder. More difficult to figure out. More difficult to deal with, when what he's waiting for is no longer just a memory, but alive and far too real. And for someone who doesn't know how to see the future for himself, the wait makes more sense than the actual living part.
There are more reasons why he shouldn't be here than why he should be. But Kakashi's stopped listening to himself and has decided instead to go against reason, against caution and better judgment and take a chance, gamble upon something he's not even sure he's ready for yet. Uncertain of what it is that he's gambling on in the first place.
This thing he has with Sasuke, a stumble-trip-crash into a tenuous pull between need and rejection, and all that comes in between, isn't something Kakashi really understands. It seemed to make more sense when they circled each other, unsure of where they stepped. When Sasuke took backwards steps and Kakashi only watched the footprints he left, but didn't know how to go after them. Watching is easier, less painful, than what happens when you catch up to what's walking away and leaving you behind. And it seems like Sasuke is always leaving him behind, somehow. If only because Kakashi can't seem to stop letting him go.
He hasn't figured out the right way to hold on. Or if holding on is even the right thing to do.
Sometimes it feels like it isn't so much that he's holding on, as it is that he's holding Sasuke back from healthier, better things that are less broken and a little more whole. So this being here thing, sitting on a barstool at an establishment Sasuke works at, in the hopes of seeing how he's doing and maybe having a drink, it might not be the best idea, after all, when Kakashi's not even completely sure why he's here, or if he should be here at all.
When: Tuesday, July 6, Evening
Where: The Major's Club
Summary: Kakashi decides to pay Sasuke a visit.
Warnings: Rofl, it's Kakashi and Sasuke, what do you expect |D;
It should've been easy.
Walking through the door and taking a seat, leaning against the bar and ordering a stiff drink. The kind of thing you do after a hard day of work, or a day of just too much shit. The kind of thing Kakashi's been doing more often these days, but usually the bar is an insignificant hole in the wall, the kind that serves cheap beer and filled with those who live at the edges of life, living outside of society and outside of being noticed. Most of them all have a story, but no one ever wanted to tell it. Telling it would bring them out of the margin and back onto the main page, and no one wanted to listen, anyway, so it is just the right kind of place for a stranger without a face who never drinks enough to be drunk. Being drunk means losing control and Kakashi is never not in control of himself.
So it's a little strange just how much he had to fight with himself to walk through the door of this particular establishment and sit down at the bar.
Sasuke should be working tonight, which is why he's brought himself here, instead of to the other place. Here, where he sits in the image of a man who does not have his face and waits for Sasuke to come back from wherever he's gone.
There's something ironic about this waiting. It feels like he's been doing it all along. And maybe that's all that he's good at doing -- waiting. Maybe that's where he's most comfortable. What happens when the wait ends is harder. More difficult to figure out. More difficult to deal with, when what he's waiting for is no longer just a memory, but alive and far too real. And for someone who doesn't know how to see the future for himself, the wait makes more sense than the actual living part.
There are more reasons why he shouldn't be here than why he should be. But Kakashi's stopped listening to himself and has decided instead to go against reason, against caution and better judgment and take a chance, gamble upon something he's not even sure he's ready for yet. Uncertain of what it is that he's gambling on in the first place.
This thing he has with Sasuke, a stumble-trip-crash into a tenuous pull between need and rejection, and all that comes in between, isn't something Kakashi really understands. It seemed to make more sense when they circled each other, unsure of where they stepped. When Sasuke took backwards steps and Kakashi only watched the footprints he left, but didn't know how to go after them. Watching is easier, less painful, than what happens when you catch up to what's walking away and leaving you behind. And it seems like Sasuke is always leaving him behind, somehow. If only because Kakashi can't seem to stop letting him go.
He hasn't figured out the right way to hold on. Or if holding on is even the right thing to do.
Sometimes it feels like it isn't so much that he's holding on, as it is that he's holding Sasuke back from healthier, better things that are less broken and a little more whole. So this being here thing, sitting on a barstool at an establishment Sasuke works at, in the hopes of seeing how he's doing and maybe having a drink, it might not be the best idea, after all, when Kakashi's not even completely sure why he's here, or if he should be here at all.