We're a coupla misfits

[infinitelyslick]

Who: Asano Keigo, Pesche Guatiche and YOU?
Where:The Newcomer Baseball Field
When: June 5th, early after noonish
What?: You guys thought we were bad with Orpheus and Isshin? Yeah. Two Bleach Spazzes meet up! Oh yeah also open so uh, do what you like.

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[infinitelyslick]

Pesche cheered for himself, not bothering to look around before he did so. Only after his triumphant cheer was interrupted by the wet, splattering sound of someone being sick did Pesche bother to look around.

And then he saw the human. He wasn't much to look at, especially when he was bent double and throwing up. But still! Pesche put his hands on his hips, looking quite annoyed. "Human!" He scolded.

"Why are you throwing up at me? Did you not see this amazing landing? It was utterly AMAZING! There isn't any reason for you to go around just throwing up at me!" He knew very well that the chances of the human seeing him were not very high, but he scolded the sick human child anyway. "It's very gross for you to do that, you know! What if someone slips in that!" That, Pesche decided, would be a lot grosser than slipping and falling in his own mucous.

"Are you just about done, or should I stay up here where it's safe a while longer?" Pesche hopped down anyway, looking down at the ground to be sure Keigo's puke wasn't going to attack him from all the way over there.

[asano_san]

"Can't you let a person be sick in peace?!" Keigo wiped the back of a hand across his mouth. "It's not like I'm doing it on purpose! And I'm not throwing up at you. I'm just throwing up!" He still had a pounding headache, but at least the nausea seemed to have passed. What was this guy talking about? His amazing landing? "No, I missed it. Because I was too busy THROWING UP!"

"That's no way to talk to a sick person! You're supposed to ask if you can help them, not yell at them for being gross!" This just kept getting worse. Why hadn't he just stayed at home? Even his sister wouldn't have yelled at him for throwing up. Maybe. OK, she would have, but at least he could have just gone in his room and shut the door to get away from it. There were no bedrooms to hide in at a baseball stadium.

"Who are you, anyway?" He looked over the purple bodysuit and mask. "And what are you wearing? Are you going to a costume party?" The questions just kept flowing. "Where are we?"

[infinitelyslick]

Pesche would have looked quite surprised if his mask had been capable of showing some emotion when the human began yelling at him! Why, that wasn't supposed to happen! Humans that were sick usually didn't see Hollow! At least, unless they were close to dying. Perhaps he had underestimated just how much the human had thrown up! He watched Keigo with great interest, as if he expected him to throw up his intestines at any moment.

"But it looks like you don't need any of my help!" Pesche protested. "You're throwing up fine by yourself!" He held his hands behind his back so that Keigo couldn't force him to assist in the vomiting. That would be even grosser than falling in the human's puke.

"I am Pesche Guatiche! Greatest of the Great Desert Brothers!!" It was very hard to pull off a dramatic pose with your hands behind your back, so Pesche moved them, one arm stretching straight upward, the other out and to the side. "And it is not a costume!"

His dramatic pose was gone almost as soon as he'd struck it, both hands coming to rest on his skinny hips. "What are YOU wearing!" He shook his head.

"We are in the Human World, of course! Did you throw up your brains??"

[asano_san]

"I didn't mean I wanted you to actually help me throw up!" How would someone even do that? Keigo stopped that line of thought because it was making his stomach lurch again. "When someone is throwing up, you should offer him a towel to wipe his face or a drink of water or some gum. It's the nice thing to do!"

"I can't help it. It's my school uniform. I have to wear it! It's not like I think cardigans look cool." What right did a guy posing in a loincloth have to say anything about his clothes anyway?

"I did NOT throw up my-" The brains in question suddenly flashed back to the night two "transfer students" had invaded his home. The monster Madarame-san fought had a hole and a mask. Keigo took note of the perfectly circular black spot on the other man's torso and his bony mask. "W-why do you keep using the word human?" Keigo knew he wasn't going to like the answer to this question.

[infinitelyslick]

"But you're not in school! You're in the Outside!" Really, was he that dumb? This wasn't a school at all. There weren't any teachers around or desks or slates. Or whatever it was that happened to be in schools. Did they use slates still? Or did they write on rocks? Perhaps those flat white things were meant to be written on...

"What? Oh! Because you are a human! Aren't you?" He tilted his head to the side, creeping closer to the loud little human. "I don't see a mask! And you're not dressed like a Shinigami or like a Uryuu!"

"And you don't seem smart enough to be an Aizen-sama or an Ichimaru-sama or blind enough to be a Tousen-sama. So you have to be a human!" Pesche sounded pleased with his reasoning.

Wait, there was another option. "Unless you're a ghost! Are you a ghost?! ARE THOSE YOUR REAL LEGS??"

[asano_san]

Keigo scrambled backwards to avoid the Pesche creeping closer. "Of course I'm a human!" A human who one day started to see Shinigami, but a human still. "An Uryuu? I'm nothing like him!" Why did he list Ishida separately? Was being a stuck-up bookworm a special species now?

"I just said I'm a human. I'm not a-" A horrifying thought stopped him mid-sentence, leaving Keigo with his mouth hanging open and his pointing hand drooping.

What if everything had gone wrong in that basement? What if the hole in the wall really was a hole in reality, some sort of black hole that killed them all? "Am I a ghost? Did I die? Is this," What was it Ayasegawa-san had called the place they were from? "Soul City?" Keigo didn't have any strong opinions of the afterlife, but he had somehow never imagined it being a rundown baseball stadium. "No! I don't want to be dead!" Keigo was working himself up with every question and shouted protest. "I haven't even had a girlfriend yet!"

[infinitelyslick]

Pesche shrugged. "I don't know, I was just asking you that. I wouldn't have needed to ask you if I'd already known!"

He continued his advance, lifting up his hands and curling his fingers up into claw-like shapes. He was sure he made a pretty terrifying figure. Even if he didn't, the human boy seemed willing and eager to be frightened of anything anyway.

"But there is a way to find out whether you're dead now or if I should ...Finish. The. Job." Pesche threw his head back and let out the most evil laugh he was capable of making. It wasn't all that intimidating, but Pesche was working with an already terrified victim here. Surely it would be enough!

[asano_san]

Keigo backed away. With his hands held up like some extra in a zombie movie, Pesche looked more like someone trying to look scary than someone who was actually scary, but he wasn't taking any chances. "That's not funny! Quit joking around!" He tripped on a clump of grass. As his butt hit the ground, he was grateful that at least he had fallen away from the vomit.

But from this perspective, Pesche took on a more looming quality. The mask held a sinister gleam. Keigo couldn't take his eyes away from that hole. By the time the cackling started, Keigo was already scared, and it was only a small skip over to terrified. "No! Don't kill me! I don't want to die! You are one of those monsters, aren't you!" He held his arms up in front of his face for protection, then thought that maybe Pesche would go for his stomach first and clamped his arms across his midsection, before finally giving up on the whole thing, flopping over sideways and curling up into the fetal position.

[infinitelyslick]

Pesche stopped once Keigo begged him not to kill him, looking down upon the human with great amusement. He twitched, trying to hide from the Big Bad Hollow but he couldn't seem to quite decide how to cover himself. He finally just curled up into a ball, leaving his backside wide open. If he had wanted to, he could have attacked him that way! Luckily for Keigo, Pesche did not want to attack him.

He laughed and then bent at the waist, extending his hand to Keigo. "I'm not really going to kill you!" He promised. "Really, I'm not. I was just having a little fun. There isn't any need to be so frightened, Loudmouth-san." He laughed again, just so that Keigo would understand what he had meant by fun. "And I am no more a monster than you are! I'm just quite good at making myself look very scary!" He chuckled. "So! Is your heart racing? How is your breathing? Are you still doing that?"

[asano_san]

When there was only laughter and no death, Keigo slowly uncurled himself and sat up. Leaning over and offering him a hand, Pesche was back to looking slightly goofy rather than terrifying. Keigo took the hand and got to his feet.

"Yes, I'm still breathing. No thanks to you!" He stared accusingly. "And what did you just call me?! My name is Asano Keigo, not Loudmouth-san!"

It was reassuring to hear that Pesche wasn't actually a monster, except…"How can you say that you're not a monster when you're a, you're a-" Keigo couldn't quite make himself say the word.

Keigo's thoughts, taking over the job of racing from his heart now that the scare was over, veered to a new worry. "Where are we? Why are we here?" He looked around the stadium again, as if it would suddenly provide the answers.

[infinitelyslick]

Pesche pulled Keigo up to his feet and brushed the human's shoulder off. There! Good as new! He grinned. "You're more like a Loudmouth-san than an Asano or a Keigo, Loudmouth-san!" Really, he was.

"A what?" Pesche asked, sounding just as offended as he possibly could. What could he mean by that? Something mean, perhaps, or maybe something that would mean that Pesche would have to look scary again? It was a good thing the newly dubbed Sir Loudmouth decided to change the subject just then.

The arrancar let out a loud sigh. "We're in the human world!" Did it really need to be more specific than that? Honestly, why did it matter exactly where they were in the human world? After all, it wasn't like you couldn't go from one place to the other! Humans had ...horses and trains and spaceships, didn't they? "Well, you're here because you're a human!"

He poked Loudmouth-san in the forehead. "Humans belong in the human world. You don't belong anywhere else! You aren't dead and you certianly aren't a hollow although if you are you hide it very well anyway that is why you are here! And I am here because a shinigami with a rotating arm threw me here! Zoom! It was not very fun, though."

[asano_san]

"But that's not my name!" Why did talking to Pesche have to be so frustrating? Besides the horrible new nickname he had given him, it was like he thought Keigo was an idiot. "I know it's the human world. But this isn't my human world! Not the part I was in just a few minutes ago! You don't just suddenly go from a creepy basement to a baseball field. That's not the way it works!"

Keigo tried to bat Pesche's hand away when he poked his forehead. "If I'm a human and I belong here, what are you doing here? You're a hollow!" There. He had finally said it. One other detail from Pesche's rapid-fire explanation settled in Keigo's mind. "Shinigami have rotating arms?"

[infinitelyslick]

Pesche looked at his hand after it had been batted away. He shrugged, putting his hands behind his back. "This one did! She was very scary. Pretty, but scary." He looked around. "So!" he clasped his hands together. "Where in the human world are we?"

Keigo seemed like he would know more about the human world than Pesche did right now. Pesche just needed to find his way back to Hueco Mundo. Nel-sama needed him, after all!

[asano_san]

Pesche was looking at him so expectantly. Like Keigo would have all the answers. Which he would realize wasn't the truth if he had been listening to a word Keigo was saying. "That's what I've been trying to tell you! I know we're in the human world, but I don't know where in the human world we are! I was in a shop basement before I suddenly popped up here. So I don't know if we're a block away or in a completely different city!" Or could it be even worse? He didn't even want to think about it.

Some of the messages scrawled around the baseball diamond were directing them to the dugouts. Well, the ones that weren't incredibly obscene. "Do you want to walk that way and see if we can find anyone?" Keigo pointed in the direct of the dugouts.

[infinitelyslick]

"Well, it can't be that hard to find out where we are!" He looked around, standing on the tips of his toes to look around. "It isn't that hard for you to find out where we are!" Keigo could just go ask any human that walked by where they were. Pesche, on the other hand, would have to wait until he found someone that could see him and didn't want to kill him to ask that burning question. He could be clueless for months, perhaps even years!

"That way?" He looked toward little... what were they? They weren't quite buildings! ...Unless they had been designed by a madman. The front part was open and there wasn't even enough room to do a cartwheel in them. "Okay. That seems like a good idea!" It didn't, but when one had to rely on a little human boy to find out where they were and how to get back to Las Noches from there, one had to give out compliments sometime! Pesche gave Keigo a thumbs up before he headed toward the dugout.

[asano_san]

The dugouts were empty. So much for the graffiti telling them to go there for help. Getting Pesche to agree with him had been a good feeling. Now Keigo worried that he was never going to hear the end of this.

A cardboard sign with a drawing of a clock said, "We'll be back at" with paper arms pointing to 12 and 2. Which didn't help much when you didn't even know what time it was. Keigo dug around in his pocket for his cell phone, only to be surprised when he drew out a phone that wasn't his. What other weird things were going to happen? He quickly checked the time and then hid the cell away to worry about later. "They won't be back for another half hour." It figured that someone would take a lunch break at the exact moment that he arrived in a strange new place and needed help. "Should we wait or see what's outside the baseball field?"