very soon, the light will vanish. it will take with it all the hope and joy we've ever known.

[thepull_mods]

Who: Siren's Port
When: The night of Tuesday, October 18th into the morning of Wednesday, October 19th.
Where: In the mind, in the dreams, in the unconscious of the sleepers.
Summary: --
Warnings: These dreams may be considered not safe for work, with violence, gore, death, underlying sexual themes and other mentions of graphic nature. Having them

Comments

reaction/action to Axel;

[ninthserenade]

[Five nights of little to no sleep. He's seriously considering taking a sick day from work just to try and put an end to how lethargic he's been lately. Demyx was almost on the verge of falling back to sleep when suddenly, he hears shouting from the next room over, and he makes a frustrated sound that ends up getting muffled by his pillow.

He waits.

It doesn't stop.

He gets out of bed and quietly sneaks out of his room with all intentions of knocking on Axel's door to tell him to 'keep it down.' At least until he picks up on snippets of the conversation.

'could have lived without Radiant Garden... ...ng as I had my best friend... ...best friend ten years ago--Isa died the day Gard...

...both suffered; you were the one who insisted we do it alone...'

Sometimes, the heightened hearing of a Nobody was both a gift and a pain. This was the case of the latter.

He actually can't bring himself to interrupt his roommate now, opting instead to turn his back to the wall, bump his head back against the door frame and slide down to the floor until he can't pick up on Axel's voice anymore. Then he stands up and ventures to the kitchen to snatch two bars of ice cream from the freezer, tearing away the wrapper on one to stuff it into his mouth and bringing the other one to the door, lightly tapping at the bottom with his foot.]

Ahkel, opah up.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

[He's jittery, nervous, like he's had too much caffeine on a three-days-empty stomach, but he's too exhausted to pace. He's just seated on the bed, staring at his NV in his hands, his bouncing knee the only movement he can really manage.]

S'open.

action

[ninthserenade]

[It takes him a moment but he gets the door open and makes a bee-line to Axel, practically shoving the wrapped bar of ice cream into his face as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

He hates how... Well, if he had to put a word to how Axel looks, he'd probably go with defeated. Either way, he hates seeing That Kind of Face on the people he cares about.]

Here.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

Ah--!

[Axel had forgotten Demyx could move that fast. He snaps his hands up instinctively, finding an ice cream bar shoved into them, and then glances sidelong at Demyx. His expression is drawn, tired, but that could just be because he hasn't been sleeping well. No one has.

[He stares at him a moment, then blinks at the ice cream as if startled it's there. Letting the bar sink into his lap, still wrapped, he lowers his eyes to the floor.]

Didn't mean to wake you.

action

[ninthserenade]

You didn't, really. ...Another set of nightmares did at first but then I couldn't fall asleep cuz I could hear you through the walls. At first I was gonna ask you to kinda keep it down but...

['I heard things,' goes unspoken in favor of nibbling on his own bar.]

You sounded kinda pissed.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

[Axel keeps his eyes on the floor, sort of staring through the ice cream.]

I was. I... am. But... [He swallows, as if he could get rid of that painful lump gathering in the back of his throat.] It's nothing you need to worry about.

action

[ninthserenade]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. You can tell me not to worry, but that doesn't mean I'll listen.

[He fixes Axel with a hard stare.]

Axel, look at me. I'm gonna worry about you whether you want me to or not, y'know why? You're my friend.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

[He can feel Demyx's eyes on him, but can't quite look at him. He feels (feels?) stupid, irrational... vulnerable, and he hates it. He can still feel the pain of that knife slicing across his face--Isa's face. Axel had always figured the scar had some dramatic story that went with it, but he had never imagined it was anything like that. He had always supposed that something had happened to Isa in the castle that night, but he had never dreamed...

[Xemnas. It was always Xemnas. Everything was his fault, everything. He had taken everything from him--his home, his family, his best friend... Xemnas was to blame for all of it.

[Maybe Saïx had forgotten how to care, forgotten how to be angry and righteously indignant, but Axel remembered plenty for both of them.

[He turns his eyes to Demyx, something sharply haunted and faraway in them.]

I'm not the one who needs to be worried about. [There's steel in his voice. He had wondered what had truly happened to Isa for a long time, and as horrible as the truth is, as defeated and worthless as the scene left him 'feeling'--what good was he? He couldn't save Isa, he couldn't save Xion, he hadn't even had the strength to be honest with Roxas!--this was the last straw. This was full circle.

[It had started with Xemnas, and it would end there. Somehow.

[He lowers his eyes again, frowning at the ice cream. Oh, it's starting to melt. He unwraps it slowly, thoughtfully, then looks at Demyx again.]

I'd kind of forgotten. ... How to make friends. I lost one once, a long time ago, and... I told you I never found him. Maybe that wasn't true. Maybe he was just different and I was too angry to recognize him, I'm not even sure. [He's sort of babbling, but there's a snarl of thoughts in his head he's not sure he can unsnare in silence.] I think that's why I pushed everyone away, you know? It was easier that way; can't lose what you don't have, don't miss what you can't lose.

action

[ninthserenade]

I've never seen you act like this, Axel. That alone is enough reason for me to worry.

[Frowning, Demyx reaches a hand out to cast a weak Blizzard spell on the ice cream so it doesn't drip onto Axel's lap.]

...I lost a friend too, but I got him back. I know what it's like to see someone grow distant and suddenly just... You kind of feel abandoned. You're left behind while they change and move on, and you just wonder 'What did I do wrong?' when you eventually just start to give up on seeing that person again.

[He takes another bite, his eyes never leaving Axel. Not for even a second. He's taking the time to observe his expressions as if it'd help him figure out the grand answer to the universe and life itself.] Emotions are, pretty frankly, a bitch sometimes. Sometimes you're too pissed off to think straight, but then sometimes you're experiencing so many at once that you just... You feel numb inside. And even when you push people away, it'll try biting you in the ass. Being alone all the time just plain sucks. Losing things sucks. Missing things sucks. Everything sucks, but having a few friends around makes things bearable.

[This whole week sucks, now that he thinks about it.]

You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result, but an eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. [He pauses, folding his hands in his lap.] ...Gandhi. Not me.

Re: action

[got_it_memorizd]

[It only takes him a moment to realize Demyx is talking about... him. He'd been placed in charge of showing Demyx the ropes when he was new, and so the two of them had spent a lot of time hanging out. It had been a similar situation to when he'd been charged with Roxas' training, minus the reintroduction of vocabulary. Unlike Roxas, Demyx had had plenty to say.

[Back then, though, Axel had fully subscribed to that No Hearts; No Feelings mantra that Xemnas always preached about. And so when Demyx had been able to go on missions alone Axel hadn't really given much thought to sort of dissolving the partnership. Oh, sure, he had liked Demyx just fine--as much as he'd believed he was capable, anyway--but Nobodies couldn't have friends, right? It was just a work partnership, it was for training, for efficiency. How could someone without a heart make a friend? And so he and Demyx had drifted apart and he never really thought anything more about it. They still worked together, still traded mission assignments sometimes, still made eye contact in the lobby or in the mess hall.

[It had never dawned on him that Demyx had viewed things any differently than he had. No one would be sad, right? 'No one would miss me'? He still remembered how those words had stung when Roxas had been the one walking away. ... Aw, hell, he'd had it really wrong back then.

[Frowning at the ice cream again, he took an almost spiteful bite off the corner, his brow drawn together tightly and his shoulders tense enough to bounce quarters off of. It had been a while since he had genuinely felt so stupid, so foolish, like he'd just totally blown it. Honestly the only other time he'd felt that way (yes, felt.) was when Roxas had left.

[... Man, feelings are lame.]

Sorry.

[He can't quite manage words right now. He's still reeling from having seen Saïx's dream, knowing what was happening to Isa while he was powerless to do anything about it, and now having that compounded by the realization that he'd unknowingly been an asshole to Demyx too just left his brain doing somersaults. Axel rarely thought he was in the wrong--contrition was just not in his nature--but suddenly he was beginning to wonder if he'd been outfitted with blinders along with the coat.

[He gives Demyx a funny look then.]

And... Gandhi? Demyx I didn't even figure you knew who Gandhi was, let alone that you'd think to memorize anything he said. [He manages a watery smile.] Last I checked you had trouble reading cue cards.

action

[ninthserenade]

C'mon, man. Don't apologize.

[He forces a weak smile, nudging Axel in the ribs with his elbow. Seeing him like this--it brought back memories of when he had been Myde. He always tried looking out for his friends. He even risked his own life a couple times when it came to Ursula--eventually, that witch was the reason why Demyx came into existence in the end, but part of his old ways lingered.]

We both did some... Well, everyone has skeletons in their closets, right? ...Some people have it in a more literal sense but we've just got the idiom or whatever it's called. I hope.

[In a way, letting parts of his old personality bubble up to the surface was a good thing. He rarely, if ever, let it show to most people, but Axel is one of the exceptions.]

That's cuz they were handwritten. 'sides, just cuz I'm not all that great at reading doesn't mean I don't know how to listen.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

[Axel gives Demyx a sidelong look and then his eyes swing to the walk-in closet on the far side of the room.] If there's any actual skeletons in that closet I blame the cat.

[He takes another bite of the ice cream, feeling a bit calmer now. He's honestly not sure what upset him more: the fact that Isa had apparently been tortured, or that Saïx had never told him that. He supposes turnabout is fair play, though--he never offered up anything either. From the time they'd been separated in the castle to the time they were reunited in Traverse Town there was just a big blank space, and as curious as he had been, he had never bothered pushing Saïx for answers he knew Saïx wouldn't give.

[Maybe he should have been more persistent. There's a part of him that can't believe Saïs was loyal to Xemnas at all after that, but... well, he never claimed to understand why Saïx did a lot of the things he had done. Maybe Lea had known Isa very well, but Axel wasn't sure he ever really knew Saïx.

[Another bite of ice cream and he meets Demyx's eye briefly.]

Yeah, I'm starting to figure out you did a lot more listening than anybody gave you credit for. [A sigh and he frowns at the ice cream. On that note...] Well, anyway. Ah, sorry for waking you up. I didn't expect anybody to be... listening.

Re: action

[ninthserenade]

Can't blame my fish, dude. Well, you probably could if it was a piranha but I haven't really gotten around to getting anything bigger than a ten gallon set up in my room yet.

[Finishing off his stick, he nibbles on the end of it for a few seconds. Then when Axel apologizes, he glances over.]

Told'ja not to apologize, dude. S'okay. ...There's a lot of things you'll prolly figure out about me now that we're roomies. I kept it all under wraps back in the Organization so everyone would think I was just some idiot who was lucky to even become a Nobody like you guys. I figured if I slacked off, put in little to no effort in things, acted like I couldn't fight and just played the part of a dumb blond who only knew how to play an instrument I'd get out of the big workloads. [He grins.] I'm a lot smarter than you guys gave me credit for. Don't tell Roxas, but there was a second lesson in recon. Investigating suspicious spots is the first lesson. Getting someone else to do it for you is lesson number two.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

Man, if the fish starts collecting bodies I just quit life. Seriously.

[He manages half a grin.]

You told me not to apologize for the other thing. [And then a genuine laugh. Oh, Demyx. Perhaps you really are too clever.] And that's why they put me in charge of training new recruits. You'd have infused Roxas with your deplorable work ethic, you slacker.

[And then his expression sobers a bit as he takes another bite of ice cream. He looks thoughtful a moment and then looks back at Demyx.]

Hey. Look, if anything really crappy ever happens to you, tell me about it, okay? [Hello out of left field.] I mean... don't not tell me about it. I ah... I know I kept a lot of secrets 'cuz I thought it was better for people that way, but I know better now. So. [Awkward headscratch goes here.] I know you're not actually an idiot, so... don't be an idiot like me. [And like Saïx.

[His eyes go back to the ice cream and he shakes his head.]

I'm sick of all the misunderstandings.

action

[ninthserenade]

The only body he's collected is the one of that little floating scuba diver I bought last week.

[Then he lightly shoves Axel's shoulder with a roll of his eyes.]

Hey, I'm the best slacker the Organization'll have ever had. No one could slack off like me and get away with it.

[And his expression goes dark for a few moments as he rubs his arm a little awkwardly. Anything crazy? That's probably the understatement of the century.]

...Actually, there's a lot of stuff that happened that I never told anyone about. It's... I don't know, man. I've kept it a secret from everyone in the Organization ever since I was recruited that day on the beach. [The one he had always considered to be one of Atlantica's, but was in actuality, the one in Twilight Town. He always said it was the former when people had asked. Everything that happened between the loss of his heart and gaining his new name, he barely remembered. One of my first memories as a Nobody was hearing the waves.

action

[got_it_memorizd]

You're right, you're right--nobody shunted his duties like you did, I'll definitely give you that.

[He looks a bit uncomfortable then. It's true that his knowing what happened to Isa wouldn't have undone it, but he still would have wanted to know. The same goes for Demyx, honestly; the situations people face mold them, after all. What doesn't kill you makes you who you are.

[He fidgets a bit.] Well, I mean here. Now. I ain't gonna pry into your history; that's none of my business if you want to keep it to yourself. But... we're pals now, right? [He folds his arms and frowns, a bit petulant.] So if somebody screws with you, I wanna know about it. So I can burn their mouth on noodles or some other action appropriate to the situation.