stop yourself from thinking

[drainedpaladin]

Who: Doumeki and Watanuki
When: midday, November 1, after the night of their re-arrival in Siren's Port
Where: Baseball Diamond to their apartment
Summary: Doumeki and Watanuki are figuring out that they're not exactly where they're used to being, and, having been informed that they own an apartment, they're going to go check it out. Only to

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[drainedpaladin]

[even if they'd known it wasn't the Island anymore, seeing this kind of thing, this City, the people in it, the way some of them casually used strange abilities in the open, how some of them didn't even look human as they went to what seemed to be normal jobs - it definitely made it clear. it wasn't home, and it wasn't that Island either. he couldn't even clearly remember the Island anymore, the scenery yes, but the people...someone, he knew that someone was important, with blond hair, and another with red, someone with silvery hair...but that was where it ended. facial features blurred, voices refused to sound. he left it be for now - finding a place to clean up and sleep was more important.

he'd been surprised that they'd had an apartment - not so much that they'd shared one, since they'd practically been living together at home and had done a lot of living between them on the Island, but more that they'd settled to the point of paying rent. nearly a year...it was a long time, and Himawari had seemed surprised at their appearance...

he glanced up as Watanuki asked about the apartment, and shook his head]

Unless we had other friends that we don't know about, I doubt it. Perhaps the landlord of the place.

[he paused, and put the key into the lock at the main entrance to the building, pushing it open and pausing to allow Watanuki inside first]

[successoroftime]

[other friends they didn't know of. Watanuki's heart twinged at that phrase. He knew it was more than likely, after seeing his previous entries on his LP... ah, no, they're called NVs now.

The them of one week ago were older, that much he knew. What he wondered was how they were taking their apparent age decrease. How much he and Doumeki had changed over the years, how they had lived their lives, how they ended up working at the same place and living in the same flat. How they had shared responsibilities in taking care of a kitten, and if that kitten would remember the two of them. How comfortable they had have to be with each other.

Something warm curled in his gut. Anxiety and anticipation soon followed as Doumeki turned they key in the lock. He didn't know what to expect - why had they moved apartments, for example, or even if their dinners felt as comfortable or moreso as their meals in that... other place were.

He bit his lower lip. Watanuki found that he didn't want to lose that closeness. The feeling that he could confide in someone, and that someone was able to confide in him in return, little by little. Someone he didn't have to be afraid of being himself around.]

...if anything, I hope we can sleep when we get there. Our arrival here was tiring.

[drainedpaladin]

[the idea of having friends he didn't know about was unnerving, leaving him hanging like the feeling of knowing he had left friends behind that he could no longer remember. still, he had Watanuki, and Himawari, and those were the people who mattered the most to him for now. had meant the most to him, aside from his family, for the past several years. he would've felt wrong if things from that Island he had gone through with Himawari weren't the same anymore - he wanted to see her, but he needed to sleep and to make sure Watanuki was safe. perhaps he would cook something for her this evening...she'd been the only one to not profit from his recent interest in cooking.

still, as he moved inside the building behind Watanuki and closed the door, he felt his chest tighten. 22 years old, he'd been. 22 years old, and Watanuki the same, even if he hadn't looked it. he hadn't bothered to look at his NV, uncertain if he wanted to know the strange melding of future and past it held, and he wasn't sure what to expect up two flights of stairs. a kitten named Kouki, who Himawari still had, an apartment with a kitchen and bedrooms and a living room and bathroom, most likely - Western style, he imagined. but what other signs of their life would be there]

Sleep would be good. I still feel stiff.

[he hadn't even managed a light doze that night - he'd stayed awake to keep watch so Watanuki could try to sleep. he was tired, and troubled, and still a little hungry. he felt like a refugee, like the time spent in the tents after the fire, and he didn't like it]

[successoroftime]

[Doumeki needed as much sleep as Watanuki did, and likely moreso. The other boy had, after all, spent most of the night awake, and had fought the monsters that had crept up on them even before that.

It was a good thing they had reached the dug-outs in time. Watanuki didn't want to dwell on what woudl've happened to them had the monsters caught up, or had they discovered too late that Doumeki's wound had opened up again, or... what they had left behind, both in the world they had just come from and the memories of their older selves.

Five years. Five years of memories, of happiness, of long, slow waiting. It seemed that the he of five years from now would still have a long time to wait.

Watanuki let out a quiet breath and cast a glance at Doumeki, seeing how the other was doing, trying to reassure himself that this wouldn't be so scary, that this was one change that he at least would be going through with this one person who had stuck with him for these past few years. It was difficult to imagine him older, and the thought made his chest ache, his throat raw, and he bit his lip before looking down.

Those five years that had lead to this. He wondered what they were like, though already he knew that not all of them were happy.]

Difficult not to be when neither of us could relax that much. [a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.] Let's see what we can find for breakfast after that. Unless things have changed that much, I'll likely have left the ingredients for something easy to prepare. We'll just have to hope they haven't expired yet.

[drainedpaladin]

[the ride in the elevator was short, but he felt dizzy by the end of it, pressure against his head from the movement, the gravity, combined with his own exhaustion and the headache that had been threatening at the back of his skull blooming into full life with a slow throbbing...it would be nice to lie down, but he wasn't sure how comfortable they could possibly be in this apartment, with the trappings of five years inside and their life together, however it was.

his heart beat a bit harder, and he pushed the button to open the door of the elevator, letting Watanuki step out before following him, and glancing in either direction to confirm which way they should go. he ducked his head to the left before starting to move, his head down a little, his shoulders slumped, his mouth set in a kind of almost-frown, his brows furrowing despite his headache. he was feeling oddly anxious about seeing the home he'd shared with Watanuki. anxious about what it might imply about where they were going as people together, what would become of them in the future.

he was a little anxious about knowing too much, and yet relieved for the chance to prepare for it]

Yeah. It was noisy and...

[he let himself trail off. they were close to the door now, and he didn't want to admit that he'd been stressed out throughout the night, or that his belly and back hurt and made it difficult to find a good position to lie in for sleep]

A nap would be good. After we eat.

[successoroftime]

[Watanuki leaned on the wall of the elevator compartment, closing his eyes, feeling his breath stifled by being in a small area. After last night, staying in an enclosed area like this was rather uncomfortable, as if maybe, maybe they wouldn't get out after this.

He made a sigh of relief when they were finally stepped out, taking one long moment to take a deep breath of air before looking at Doumeki. The other teen looked uncomfortable, though the pain didn't seem to be coming from his wounds. Watanuki made a soft sound of concern and stayed close, in case Doumeki fell or needed something to rest on.]

Noisy and disturbing.

[he stayed quiet for the rest of the way, his anxiety remaining a tightly-wound thread in his gut now that the elevator ride was no longer a pressing concern, and his gaze darted from number plate to number plate. A few more doors to go, and then they were there.]

Nothing too heavy. [a wry smile crossed his face.] I don't know about you, but I'm still not sure if my head will start hurting again. It'll be better after that nap, I hope.

[drainedpaladin]

[he moved along quietly beside Watanuki as they move toward the door of the apartment they shared. his stomach was clenched up and his hand came up to press lightly against the bandage on his belly, his lips pressing together into a tight line as they got closer. and then they were standing in front of the door.

he lifted his hand, and pushed the key into the lock, turning it, then glancing over at Watanuki. the tension was palpable, as he removed the key and turned the knob, stepping inside and sliding off the flip flops he'd gotten from the Dugouts. padding inside, he glanced around. a pretty average place, a kitchen with a two-person table, a low couch with a coffee table. nothing spectacular. masculinely decorated with things that obviously didn't cost too much. he exhaled a soft breath, glancing back at Watanuki]

Something light is good. I've already got a headache.

[successoroftime]

[Watanuki met Doumeki's gaze and nodded, steeling himself for the moment when the door was opened.

He followed Doumeki inside, slipping off his own slippers in suit, feeling his breath catch in his throat at how simple and neat it was. It did look like something the both of them would be comfortable with at their ages, calm, relaxing, and without any fuss.

He spotted a hibachi on the small table next to the sofa, his pipe lying on it as if in wait. Watanuki smiled a little and closed his eyes. Maybe this was what his own apartment would look like years from now had things not turn out as they had and... well.

Watanuki's fingers brushed on the back of the sofa, feeling the texture of the cloth on his skin, before he slowly walked to the kitchen. No regrets - not for the choice he had made before, nor for how he had lived his life on this island. Judging from how things looked, maybe they had been happy.]

Soup might be enough. I'd also make gyoza, but that'll be a little heavy.

[drainedpaladin]

[his eyes skim around the apartment, and he took a few steps in, trying to work out how things were. their possessions are mixed, obviously. Watanuki's pipe, and his jacket draped over the back of a chair, a book on the coffee table that could only belong to him, with a thin blue ribbon as a bookmark. he exhaled slightly, taking the place in, accepting taht it was the place he lived. it was comfortable, at least, it wasn't hard to believe that this was a place he would live in, nor that it was a place Watanuki would live in.

he nodded slightly]

I could eat gyoza. Or you could make udon, if there's ingredients.

[he paused, and shifted a little]

I need to change.

[successoroftime]

Go ahead.

[he stands in the doorway of the kitchen a while after he flicks on the switches, the breath that had caught in his throat translating to a gentle ache. It wasn't just his kitchen, even though most of the items were arranged according to his usual habits. There were other things - a cabinet where to store bottles of liquor, more towels spread out and folded than usual, more cookbooks in one of the cabinets (Watanuki never used those with incredibly simplified instructions, to be sure), and even certain utensils with different-colored handles.

Not just his. Theirs.

Watanuki swallowed, that raw feeling surfacing again, and leaned on the door frame. The hand he had placed on the wooden panel trembled a little. More than how their apartment looked, how the kitchen was right now said a lot about just how well they got along. Even if Watanuki had let Doumeki use his kitchen a couple of times back at the other island, the fact that Doumeki probably also used this kitchen as often as he did said... quite a lot.

It was as if they had trusted each other without the pretensions and excuses they usually gave.]

Breakfast might take a while.

[drainedpaladin]

[he hadn't had a chance to look at the kitchen, not in any detail, but there were many things throughout the apartment that implied a shared life rather than two lives in one apartment. as he moved back through the apartment to find the bedrooms, he felt a sort of tightening in his chest, not in a particularly bad way - just a sort of anxiety and excitement at what this place implied. they'd been living together, and had been that way for a long time. their relationship had progressed to some point. no pretenses of separate lives, just sharing something between themselves. he moved down the hallway, peeking into one door and finding the bathroom with two towels, one blue and one dark green, hung up on a towel rack side by side, then moved on to what seemed to be the only other door in the hallway, his heart feeling as if it was in his throat.

opening the door, he stepped inside, and glanced around. a bedroom, just one, with a queen-sized bed made up neatly, the comforter dark blue. a bamboo plant sat in a corner, the side table was low, and there was a neat set of dresser drawers and a large closet.

one bed. queen-sized. with two pillows and a single blanket.

he felt as if his head was spinning as he stood there in the doorway, his head moving back and forth, his eyes widening slightly as the meaning of what he saw registered.

they had been sharing a bed.

his throat felt tight and closed up, tense and a little sore, and he moved further inside the room, padding over to the dresser, feeling somehow as if he was intruding on something private. opening the top drawer, he found several pairs of boxer shorts and socks - obviously not his. he shut the drawer quickly, and opened another, finding things that were his, and took out a pair of boxer-briefs and black socks. rifling through more drawers, he found button up shirts, slacks, a few t-shirts, an array of hooded sweatshirts, several pairs of jeans, and some soft sweatpants along with a few samue. one caught his eye, beautifully made and seeming tailored. he put aside the socks and underwear he'd found, and drew it out - there was no mistaking Watanuki's sewing.

his heart still in his throat, he slid the samue he was wearing, slightly damp, dirty, and stained with blood, and put it aside, changing into the samue he'd found, dry and warm. it didn't fit quite right in the shoulders or the length of the pants - he'd obviously grown a lot - but it still felt right somehow.

his head was spinning, and he took a moment to just look around the room before going back out into the kitchen.

he was almost afraid of Watanuki finding out about this, and so he didn't say anything, just stood in the doorway to the kitchen in his samue and watched as Watanuki cooked, still feeling a sort of wonder. and maybe hope]

[successoroftime]

[It took Watanuki some time to recover enough to go around the kitchen, reciting the recipe for miso soup and gyoza like a mantra. His hold on himself was shaky at best; he couldn't stop the ache in his chest from growing as he immersed himself in the life an older him had left behind.

Three mugs here, a few tins of cat food over there. Bags of senbei and other snacks neatly placed in one cabinet with the tea, and an already open pack stored in a tupperware on the counter. On the fridge, there were a few notes and shopping lists scribbled in his own jotted hand, appended with Doumeki's script. Watanuki had to turn away when he read the one pinned by a cat magnet - it had been a reminder for Doumeki to pick up the laundry during their day off, and probably the ingredients for cake if he was so inclined.

This was a place full of precious memories.

His eyes stung. He felt as if he was intruding in on a strangers life, but he couldn't stop the raw feeling of want climbing out of him, something he didn't understand and yet did. This was a life that he hadn't imagined himself having, since he had paid his price, though he didn't know just yet how close their older selves had truly been.

Doumeki and he, it seemed, had still held on to their promises.

Watanuki washed his face at the sink before continuing his search.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he found out that, while he didn't have the ingredients to make gyoza, he did have enough for a fairly-sized bowl of ramen. After placing these near the sink, he slowly went through the rest of the utensils, his hands lingering on items that felt that they were well-cared for, a selection of objects that were picked with much warmth.

That was how Doumeki would find him, cradling a sakura-patterned bowl to his chest as he looked down at the tiled floor, before he finally was able to push himself to move and prepare breakfast.

One step at a time.]

[drainedpaladin]

[when he moved back into the kitchen, Watanuki had been holding a bowl against his chest, looking upset, down at the floor tiles, and Doumeki felt a strange surge of something in his chest - maybe grief, maybe worry, maybe regret - the way Watanuki was standing reminded him of how he stood in the rain, holding a dead cat, wet and cold and alone. he stood still for a moment, until Watanuki started moving to prepare food, then he stepped into the kitchen, steeling himself, tugging at the loose collar of the samue he was wearing. he moved across the kitchen and stood next to the shorter boy, leaning his hip against the counter, eyes locked on him, an expression on his face of concern mixed with a sort of deep internal shock. he sighed softly]

I found something to wear in the bedroom.

[he paused for a long moment, just watching Watanuki, trying to work out what emotions it was that the boy was feeling, and then shifted]

Is there something I can help with?

[successoroftime]

[he was thankful that he had washed his face before Doumeki had gotten here; at least for today, he didn't know if he should worry the other boy more. He nodded without looking up and focused his gaze at the rest of the ingredients, licking his dry lips and swallowing.

He was thirsty. His throat still felt raw.]

There isn't enough for udon, but we can have ramen. Could you slice the vegetables?

[Watanuki finally thinks he's ready to look up, and he does, only to find that his next words -- where Doumeki could find the chopping board -- died in his mouth.

That was a really ill-fitting samue Doumeki was wearing. He could guess whose it was.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he leaned back on the counter to look at the other properly. It was a pattern that reminded him so much of Doumeki. The tips of his fingers itching as he wanted to properly pin that top on Doumeki so it wouldn't look like he had just flung them on or something. Maybe later.]

The other you had grown so big, it seems.

[drainedpaladin]

Ramen is good.

[it was a simple statement, an acceptance that whatever it was Watanuki would give him would be food he wanted to eat. good food, to nourish his body. he shifted, and leaned down slightly, the collar on the samue gaping slightly to show a slice of his scarred torso all the way down to the top of the bandage on his belly, the bottoms of the samue legs folded up slightly, and opened a cupboard, pulling out a chopping board and then glancing up at the boy when he didn't finish speaking.

ah. the samue.

he stood up straight and placed the board on the counter, looking down at the samue]

It seems I was much taller, and broader. [his mouth curved slightly into a small frown] I must have been a lot bigger than you. [somehow, that coupled with the single bed in the single bedroom made him slightly uncomfortable, heat building up in his chest - he didn't want to think that way, and so he busied himself with getting the vegetables out of the fridge. somehow, moving in this kitchen felt very natural to him. he licked his lips and then, after a moment, spoke softly]

Are you alright?

[successoroftime]

Yeah. We'll have to alter that for you later, if you want.

[he grips the counter tightly for only a moment - he'd never grow, he knew, but that wasn't what bothered him in as much as seeing everyone he cared about grow up gave him mixed feelings - before turning back to his earlier work. Pauses as his fingers touch the hilt of the knife.

Then reaches for the cabinet above him to retrieve two water glasses, his breath catching up when he sees a few sake cups.]

I think, [he says in reply, his earlier wan smile not slipping from his face. He looks again at Doumeki, somehow not up to hiding what he felt this time, and he feels his fingers grow limp after he sets down both glasses on the counter.

This was a warm place built on 'today', an enveloping, welcoming sort of space.]

I'm glad you stayed with me. When you were older, I mean. [he shifts a little, suddenly feeling awkward after that confession, and scratches the back of his head, feeling his face heat up.] I know you wouldn't have broken your promise, but I had never expected...

[he trails off. He didn't even know how to begin describing how full it had felt. How he had ached in want, how that the proof in front of him that something like this was possible shook him.

It was still enough to make his head spin.]