[Ritsuka is filming a cork bulletin board on a wall. It's a new cork board, on a new wall in a new apartment - but most people wouldn't know that
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Ah. [The smile's returned, also tired, and fainter as well.] Work number. I can give you two. [It feels like she's keeping a thousand jobs, just to stay busy.
She leaves the doorframe, to sit nearby.]
If you find someone else to add, I should probably have their number, too. But you know I'll show up right away if I'm called.
Then I'll get in touch with him. [A beat.] ...Them.
[Triela takes some of her hair between her fingers, looks down at the ends.] Someone like that, members of a family, they're irreplaceable, but at the very least, you can add to them, too. So it doesn't have to be all that 'fake.'
[She drops her hair, glances over to him, and then links her fingers together in front of herself, considering him - his posture and his words.]
It'd be unfair of me to promise to be around for you always, wouldn't it? But I can promise to stick around as long as there aren't any outside influences.
In the top five things I'm good at, 'listening' is on the list. If something like that's on your mind and you want to say it, I want to hear it. Just know that I'm not going to take off if I can help it, all right? And...
[Bit more of a smile.]
If I was old enough, I'd sign your school papers, too.
I don't want you to have to worry so much about being left alone. There are people who'd come for you in a heartbeat.
I don't want you to promise! Promises are garbage. Soubi promised he wouldn't leave me.
[His face is hidden, but he sounds preeeetty quavery here.]
I don't need anyone else. I don't need to depend on anyone. I just don't want to be stuck here, helpless. I absolutely refuse to be sold to slavery, or to disappear. So I have to make sure I have this stuff in order, okay? It isn't because I feel lonely. I don't care if I'm alone. I like being alone.
[Ritsuka is trembling a little, mostly from the effort of keeping the emotion from spilling out too much. And it's amazing how Triela can be so like Soubi, and so unlike him.
Soubi would scoop Ritsuka up in his arms no matter what Ritsuka said. How many months had it been since Soubi held him and they felt that connection? And he might never feel it again. It's an empty, painful feeling.]
Stupid Soubi.
[It doesn't have the same effect if he's not here. It doesn't make him feel safe or orderly. Ritsuka is hiding his face in his arms now. A single sniff emerges.]
[There had been times when Triela had needed to be firm with Hilshire for his own good. There had been times when Hilshire had needed to do the same for Triela. And then there were times where they were at a loss regarding each other, tiptoeing, stuck in silence and with mouths barely working to produce unsure phrases. Triela feels that way know, curling and straightening her fingers at her knees, pursing her lips to keep from babbling before she's got words properly together
( ... )
[Ritsuka doesn't really cry. That's why this is big, that's why this is difficult. He is calm, collected, mature. Living mostly alone with a mother who cried and went into hysterics constantly created a very grown-up young man, one who didn't think he was allowed to let go, even when he's suffered severance from those he cares for deeply on several occasions.
It feels like failure to cry. He clams up under Triela's touch. His voice sounds rather wet with snot, but while he shakes from the effort of swallowing down fierce wails, he's mostly quiet.]
[While she's gone, Ritsuka crawls into bed. He yells into the pillow (his counselor used to recommend it) a few times, nice and loud but muffled. Then he pulls the covers over his head so Triela won't see his stupid read, teary face. Only the tips of his little black ears are showing.]
[Out in the little kitchen, the microwave sounds; a few minutes after, when Ritsuka's finished his muffled shouting, Triela's back in, wordless. She sets a mug of tea - there's a spoon in it - atop the nightstand, and then she sets herself down on the floor, knees drawn up and with her back against Ritsuka's bed, keeping another mug for herself. There's only the sound of a sip, and if he tells her to leave, she'll leave.]
That reminds me-- I'm on that contact list, aren't I?
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[smiles a little at her, tired and ironic]
I'll list you as my roommate. That makes us sound nice and grown up.
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She leaves the doorframe, to sit nearby.]
If you find someone else to add, I should probably have their number, too. But you know I'll show up right away if I'm called.
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[Ritsuka is sitting at his desk. His cork board is right behind it, behind his computer monitor and reading lamp.]
The funny thing is, my fake guardian's more likely to come than my real live family would've been back home...
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[Triela takes some of her hair between her fingers, looks down at the ends.] Someone like that, members of a family, they're irreplaceable, but at the very least, you can add to them, too. So it doesn't have to be all that 'fake.'
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My dad was... never around. My mom was... really sick.
They weren't there for me very much.
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It'd be unfair of me to promise to be around for you always, wouldn't it? But I can promise to stick around as long as there aren't any outside influences.
In the top five things I'm good at, 'listening' is on the list. If something like that's on your mind and you want to say it, I want to hear it. Just know that I'm not going to take off if I can help it, all right? And...
[Bit more of a smile.]
If I was old enough, I'd sign your school papers, too.
I don't want you to have to worry so much about being left alone. There are people who'd come for you in a heartbeat.
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I don't want you to promise! Promises are garbage. Soubi promised he wouldn't leave me.
[His face is hidden, but he sounds preeeetty quavery here.]
I don't need anyone else. I don't need to depend on anyone. I just don't want to be stuck here, helpless. I absolutely refuse to be sold to slavery, or to disappear. So I have to make sure I have this stuff in order, okay? It isn't because I feel lonely. I don't care if I'm alone. I like being alone.
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[It's not indulgent, but it is obedient.]
No promises.
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Soubi would scoop Ritsuka up in his arms no matter what Ritsuka said. How many months had it been since Soubi held him and they felt that connection? And he might never feel it again. It's an empty, painful feeling.]
Stupid Soubi.
[It doesn't have the same effect if he's not here. It doesn't make him feel safe or orderly. Ritsuka is hiding his face in his arms now. A single sniff emerges.]
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It feels like failure to cry. He clams up under Triela's touch. His voice sounds rather wet with snot, but while he shakes from the effort of swallowing down fierce wails, he's mostly quiet.]
T-tea... please.
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[A little pat, a gentle one.]
I'll just microwave the water, all right? So the kettle won't take too long. I'll bring it back in a few minutes.
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Okay.
[While she's gone, Ritsuka crawls into bed. He yells into the pillow (his counselor used to recommend it) a few times, nice and loud but muffled. Then he pulls the covers over his head so Triela won't see his stupid read, teary face. Only the tips of his little black ears are showing.]
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This isn't me. I don't cry.
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