[video]

[atrumcanis]

[The video feed shows-- for those who know it-- the living room of the Super Secret Firehouse. It's empty for the moment, but one can hear muffled yips in the background. Jack's voice is first.]

Attention, Newcomers of Siren's Port! I think there's a goddman epidemic goin' on here! First Jinx, and now--

Stoppit, hold-- [It's a mutter at first,

Comments

( text.-- please do say something if you'd prefer no text! )

[narcotizes]

WhOa ShIt
If ThAtS nOt SoMe MoThErFuCkIn MaGiC aLl hApPeNiNg RiGhT bEfOrE mY eYeS i DoN't KnOw WhAt ThE fUcK iT bE!
bUt UhHhHh WhAt'S GoInG dOwN wItH yOu BrOtHeRs?
I'm KiNd Of NoT fOlLoWiNg.

I'm cool with it!

[cowboy_newsie]

What the hell is wrong with your typin'?

[narcotizes]

UhHhH
i DoN't SeE nOtHiNg WrOnG, mAn

fine with meeee

[atrumcanis]

Something is certainly going on in front of your eyes, but I'm not certain that I'm at fault for it. What's going down with you?

[narcotizes]

HaHa YeAh, I kNoW!
I sAw It HaPpEnInG.

[ that wriggling tummy bump, he means! ]

i'M aCtUaLlY pReTtY mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl DoGg, ThAnKs :o)
GoT a BoTtLe Of SoMe UhH
i ThInK iT's CaLlEd FaNtA
nEvEr TrIeD tHiS sHiT bEfOrE-- i MeAn It AiN't My SiCk ElIxIr BuT iT's AlRiGhT
aNd ThEsE fLoPpY yElLoW fUcKiN sQuArEs ThAt TaStE pReTtY sLaMmInG

[atrumcanis]

What's your usual elixir, then? And I wouldn't eat squares, if I were you, they're sharp and difficult--but perhaps you know better, eh?

[narcotizes]

ThE mAgIc ThAt Is FaYgO, bRoThEr!

. . . . OhHh I sEe WhErE yOu'Re CoMiNg FrOm
ThEy LoOk PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn ShArP fRoM a DiStAnCe, YeAh.
LiKe ThE eDgEs ThEy CoUlD bE lIkE tHoSe FuCkIn ThRoWiNg StArS nInJaSsAsSiNs GoT aT hAnD
BuT tHeN yOu PiCk ThEm Up AnD tHeY fLaP aLl OvEr ThE pLaCe.
GoT tHiS lItTlE cLeAr CoVeR tHaTs LiKe
PrOtEcTiNg ThE lItTlE fUcKeR FrOm OuTsIdE sHiT I dOn'T kNoW
yOu JuSt Up AnD tEaR iT oFf AnD yOu GoT yOuRsElF a DeLiCiOuS yElLoW sQuArE

[ what is processed cheese ]

[atrumcanis]

What in the hell is Faygo, is that really some sort of drink? It sounds dead disgusting. Chemical-y. And I s'ppose I'll take your word on the, er, floppy squares. That which comes wrapped in a cover shouldn't be eaten without hesitation, that's what I always say.

[narcotizes]

ShIt Is FuCkIn SaCrEd, MaN
oNlY tHe BeSt Of SwEeT sNaP-cRaCk-PoP fIeStAs yOuR tAsTiNg GlAnDs cAn HaVe ThE mOtHeRfUcKin PlEaSuRe Of HoStInG iN yOuR mOuTh
. . . oH
sHiT rEaLlY?

[atrumcanis]

"Tasting glands". Right. That sounds highly scientific. I'll have to look for some, see if it's as wonderful as it's reputed to be.

But yes, really, haven't you ever heard the cautionary tale of the Boy and the Cover-Wrapped Pudding? If you haven't it might be best to save yourself--wouldn't want to terrify you.

[narcotizes]

DoN't ThInK yOu'Ll Be SoRrY dOgG :o)

OhH fUuUcK
nOw YoU jUsT aLl Up AnD gOt Me CuRiOuS :o(
uUhHh
YoU kNoW wHaT, iT's OkAy BrO i ThInK i CaN hAnDlE iT
i LiKe sToRiEs
JuSt LeMmE hOlD oNtO tO mY sHoEs
GeT aLl CoMfY aNd pRePaRe FoR tHe MoThErFuCkIn SuSpEnSe . . . . . . . .
HoOoNk HoNk
AiGhT kIcK iT

[atrumcanis]

Oh, well, if you insist--

[And abruptly--despite all that strange typing/honking/what the hell is even going on here--he drops his tone into something Dark and Creepy. This is a tone for Scary Stories if ever there was one.]

Once, there was this kid... and he was out for a walk one night by the moonlight. And he passed by those--thingers in the ground, the-- grate, the grate for the sewer. And there was this odd light shining out of the grate, so he went over to have a look--and inside was a fantastic pudding, floating in midair, and it was glowing and shimmering like fairy lights on a Christmas tree. And there was plastic across the top, y'see, to keep it fresh and preserved. Or so he thought."Ohhhh, little kid," said the pudding, "you better get down here and have a bit of me, I'm delicious, full of chocolate-y bits and suet and things, and-- and I've a plastic wrapping over me so I'm fresh and delicious, better than your mum's even--the best pudding you've ever had, you're really missing out

[narcotizes]

[ it's a good thing he forgets to take the plastic off sometimes, holy shit . . . ]

[atrumcanis]

[Oh my God this couldn't be more perfect]

Yeah.

So just think about that, when you're extolling the virtues of plastic bits, why don't you. Think of the boy who died.