Supernatural Fic: Abandoned

[sirenprincess]

I swear I'm working on some other more dramatic hurt/comfort Supernatural stories. One in particular I'm working on is Dean helping Sam with his demon blood withdrawal. But those get intense, and sometimes I need a break. A friend asked for a gift fic, and sometimes those just write themselves. Here's what my fever-induced brain wrote now.

Comments

Re: Abandoned

[sirenprincess]

Aww, thank you so much for reading, dear. I think John didn't really understand Caleb before this point. He was just a really young hunter that seemed to want to hang around John. But once Caleb finally broke down and let some of his story out, John understood a lot more. I'm glad you appreciated the comfort John was trying to provide for Caleb.

I think I'm going to write a coda from Dean's point of view. I know what's going on in his head, I just need to write it out.

John didn't mean to mess with Dean's head and give him these abandonment issues. I think he'd just planned to talk to Caleb and probably break apart their partnership for Caleb's own good. When he decided to punish Caleb, he decided not to kick the boys out of the room, seeing that there are consequences for disobeying on a hunt might do them some good type thing. This is common in my stories and I think canon. John doesn't think about the effects his actions will have on Dean's head. He intended for Dean and Sam to be scared enough to obey on a hunt. A very physical objective. But he forgets about Dean's emotions, it doesn't even occur to him what threatening to abandon Caleb and then beating him might make Dean think.

I have your mind reeling with possibilities? Oh good! That WAS my intent. I hope I can capture even a fraction of that in some sequel type fics.

Re: Abandoned

[catsintheattic]

I think I'm going to write a coda from Dean's point of view. I know what's going on in his head, I just need to write it out.

SQUEEEEEE!

John certainly didn't plan to mess with Dean's head - but I have the impression that a lot of things he did to the boys weren't exactly planned. I can see and agree on the canon compatibility of him wanting to show them that orders have to be obeyed at all costs. But like you said, he is such a physical man and tends to overlook emotions. Emotions - that scary state when it's best to walk away and not talk about or maybe lash out when cornered. *sighs*

I can imagine Dean feeling already guilty when he gets punished, because he learned that lesson of disobedience as a punishable offense so well. And on top of the guilt, I can see him being so damn thankful for the whipping, simply because it means that his dad still hasn't given up on him. And it reminds me of our one discussion about Draco and Lucius - not that I think that Dean and Draco are the same, but this idea to be grateful for being punished ... I still find it particularly harsh and painful because it takes the extent of self-flagellation to a new high. I wonder again how John would react to it if he found out about it. Lucius certainly used it to his advantage. Would John, too? I want to believe that he would try to make Dean see that everything he does is part of caring for Dean, not just the punishments. And that he would never leave him for real.

And then, of course, would come the next hunt, and John would leave Dean behind again, temporarily, and Dean would struggle so hard to make sense of it all, telling himself again and again how much his dad loves him, keeping the hurt inside and trying to be brave, but unable to shake the fear off completely.

Awww, Dean ....

Re: Abandoned

[sirenprincess]

I have the impression that a lot of things he did to the boys weren't exactly planned. AND He is such a physical man and tends to overlook emotions.
THIS! That's totally how I see John. It's not that he's cruel and uncaring; it's just that he doesn't realize what emotional impact his actions will have on the boys. I see that in his actions in the first season, when he just disappears on Dean for logistics reasons with safety and the demon, but doesn't even think about what doing it that way is going to do emotionally to Dean.

I can imagine Dean feeling already guilty when he gets punished
I think Dean punishes himself so severely internally that honestly John never even needs to do anything besides mention that he's displeased with Dean, and Dean is punished. I try to make that come across in my stories. Particularly Scorch Marks.

And on top of the guilt, I can see him being so damn thankful for the whipping, simply because it means that his dad still hasn't given up on him.
THIS is exactly what I'm going for with Abandoned. I hope I can bring it across more in the sequels.

I wonder again how John would react to it if he found out about it.
I think if John knew how terrified Dean really is of being abandoned, if he could actually hear his thoughts and know what was going on in Dean's head, he'd reassure Dean that he would never, ever abandon him. But Dean doesn't vocalize it, and John is always so obsessed with other things, he doesn't notice and understand.

*snuggle snuggle Dean*

Re: Abandoned

[catsintheattic]

Dean's guilty feeling clearly comes across in Scorch Marks. His self-punishment is so high that I really wish John would see what is going on in Dean's head. And part of the drama of the story is exactly about knowing that John will never realise the amount of Dean's internal suffering, or his fear of being abandoned.

And I fully second what you said about John being too obsessed with other things to notice. He is not a cruel dad, only, apart from keeping the boys physically safe, his mind simply isn't very firmly on the job of being a dad.

THIS is exactly what I'm going for with Abandoned. I hope I can bring it across more in the sequels.

That's awesome. I'm really looking forward to the sequels, because this is exactly what I would love to see explored in great detail.