Okay, not for chumps
Yoga.
I've been going semi-regularly the past couple of weeks, and sometimes, it's just so intense. Like right now. I just got out of a session, and I just feel so shaky and aware of everything. I enjoy the balance I feel it brings to me, physically and mentally, but at the end of the sessions, I tend to feel very sad, or at least very aware of the pain/conflict in my life. Sometimes it brings me to tears. Yet when all is said and done, I realize it's not a feeling of depression - just awareness. Everything is brought to the surface; a sort of "detox," the instructor calls it. It's overwhelming tonight.
I say this all while acknowledging that I am what I believe to be the most balanced and happy part of my life to date. I feel like I've experienced all kinds of growth and personal development this past year, and in recent months I've been very happily perched in my place.
Now, many things in my life are being forced into change. I didn't think I was ready or wanting of another intense period of struggle or growth yet; I wanted nothing more than to continue marinating in this sense of purpose and serenity. But life's what happens when you're busy making other plans, I suppose. Student teaching is completing rearranging my life, much much more than I hoped it would have. I'm just beginning to learn how to manage my sleep schedule. Without really meaning to, I've ended up consuming much more balanced meals each day. I haven't been socializing much at all, which makes me unhappy. I have accidentally fallen into a really wonderful situation with a gentleman in the past couple of weeks, an unexpected and somewhat bewildering experience that I did not expect to find myself in for quite some time. He's pretty amazing, and really good to me, and I am simply baffled as to how this came to be. Positive changes, unnerving changes, just changes in general, on all fronts.
Feels like I had built a wonderful little mecca of my own, and suddenly buildings are being thrust up violently from the soil, skies are shattering open to reveal completely different scenes. This is honestly the imagery that my mind projects when I think about everything that's going on. Earthquakes and industrialization on my little private preserve. I'm trying to embrace it. Trying. Everything just feels so intense.
I've been going semi-regularly the past couple of weeks, and sometimes, it's just so intense. Like right now. I just got out of a session, and I just feel so shaky and aware of everything. I enjoy the balance I feel it brings to me, physically and mentally, but at the end of the sessions, I tend to feel very sad, or at least very aware of the pain/conflict in my life. Sometimes it brings me to tears. Yet when all is said and done, I realize it's not a feeling of depression - just awareness. Everything is brought to the surface; a sort of "detox," the instructor calls it. It's overwhelming tonight.
I say this all while acknowledging that I am what I believe to be the most balanced and happy part of my life to date. I feel like I've experienced all kinds of growth and personal development this past year, and in recent months I've been very happily perched in my place.
Now, many things in my life are being forced into change. I didn't think I was ready or wanting of another intense period of struggle or growth yet; I wanted nothing more than to continue marinating in this sense of purpose and serenity. But life's what happens when you're busy making other plans, I suppose. Student teaching is completing rearranging my life, much much more than I hoped it would have. I'm just beginning to learn how to manage my sleep schedule. Without really meaning to, I've ended up consuming much more balanced meals each day. I haven't been socializing much at all, which makes me unhappy. I have accidentally fallen into a really wonderful situation with a gentleman in the past couple of weeks, an unexpected and somewhat bewildering experience that I did not expect to find myself in for quite some time. He's pretty amazing, and really good to me, and I am simply baffled as to how this came to be. Positive changes, unnerving changes, just changes in general, on all fronts.
Feels like I had built a wonderful little mecca of my own, and suddenly buildings are being thrust up violently from the soil, skies are shattering open to reveal completely different scenes. This is honestly the imagery that my mind projects when I think about everything that's going on. Earthquakes and industrialization on my little private preserve. I'm trying to embrace it. Trying. Everything just feels so intense.