What a long time.
I don't know how many years it has been since i wrote in here or even what is prompting me to write right now. I've found myself awake, nauseated and creatively inspired.
Mostly i think i want to talk to someone impractically about life. Since it is still the wee hours of the morning and my conscience compels me to not call and disturb any friends, here i am laying on my bed listening to Icelandic; ears aching being rubbed raw from earphones, clack clacking away on a borrowed laptop.
What should i discuss? I don't feel like playing catch up. I would like to say i am an entirely different person then the one who wrote the words below these, but that can only be said with a stringent sense of mawkishness.
Case in point.
Really the only thing i could say, while i have changed significantly, is that i am the same person, barring certain loss and gain of grandeur and insight respectively, only more real, as it were: refined (use that term loosely because i am far from refined, only in the sense that i am much more refined then previously but still quite rough and full of impurities)
And as much as i have grown and changed i think you'll find that i have quite the same personality and shape as i've always had. But never the less completely different. Kind of like looking into a mirror and observing the scene out side the window behind you, then turning around to see the real scene and having it be quite familiar but at the same time completely different.
Undoubtedly, two years from now i will have turned around again to see that i was only looking into another mirror, or even that i hadn't had my eyes open at all and everything i was looking at was light through the inside of my eyelids. On and on it goes it seems... Not hopelessly though, in fact i can not imagine a more hopeful thing! Some day my eyes will be directed to absolutely reality and all this bouncing back and forth will all come into focus and all this hope will be filled fully, not lacking anything, and certainly not fading like earthly hope does. Only growing fuller and brighter, farther up and higher in.
Mostly i think i want to talk to someone impractically about life. Since it is still the wee hours of the morning and my conscience compels me to not call and disturb any friends, here i am laying on my bed listening to Icelandic; ears aching being rubbed raw from earphones, clack clacking away on a borrowed laptop.
What should i discuss? I don't feel like playing catch up. I would like to say i am an entirely different person then the one who wrote the words below these, but that can only be said with a stringent sense of mawkishness.
Case in point.
Really the only thing i could say, while i have changed significantly, is that i am the same person, barring certain loss and gain of grandeur and insight respectively, only more real, as it were: refined (use that term loosely because i am far from refined, only in the sense that i am much more refined then previously but still quite rough and full of impurities)
And as much as i have grown and changed i think you'll find that i have quite the same personality and shape as i've always had. But never the less completely different. Kind of like looking into a mirror and observing the scene out side the window behind you, then turning around to see the real scene and having it be quite familiar but at the same time completely different.
Undoubtedly, two years from now i will have turned around again to see that i was only looking into another mirror, or even that i hadn't had my eyes open at all and everything i was looking at was light through the inside of my eyelids. On and on it goes it seems... Not hopelessly though, in fact i can not imagine a more hopeful thing! Some day my eyes will be directed to absolutely reality and all this bouncing back and forth will all come into focus and all this hope will be filled fully, not lacking anything, and certainly not fading like earthly hope does. Only growing fuller and brighter, farther up and higher in.