effortless.
i've always had low expectations of the opposite sex. i was an ugly kid from around 6th grade til around 11th grade. it was like puberty smacked me around with an ugly stick for a few years and left me all greasy and zitty and gross-looking. and if any of you are ever unfortunate enough to have seen pictures of me from that time period, or knew me in junior high, you can vouch for the aforementioned statements. as a result, i was a sad little undesirable mess for a few years. people didn't pay attention to me because i was all greasy and awkward and didn't know what the hell to do with myself.
this went double for boys.
they either didn't notice me, or noticed and looked away REALLY fast because...well there wasn't anything cool to look at.
so after a few years of that, one gets used to it, and learns not to expect too much. and not to set one's hopes too high. so that when things with the opposite sex take a turn for the worst, one isn't totally devistated. conversely, when things take a turn for the better, even slightly, one is shocked beyond belief.
learning that someone "likes you back" is cause for celebration. an unexpected phone call will make your WEEK. and when someone REALLY goes the extra mile for you....you almost don't know what to do with yourself. you want to laugh and cry and tell everyone you know how goddamn happy you are.
...okay. enough of this referring to myself as "you."
moral of the story is that it does not take much to make me happy. i don't ask for much, nor do i expect it. when adam took me out on our dress-up date, i was firmly convinced that that was probably the nicest thing anyone had done for me...ever, and would ever do for me. i was completely and totally touched by something that i suppose is commonplace between dating couples. it did not raise my expectations. which is why i'm reacting to recent events in such a way.
i'm thrilled. i'm touched. i want to tell everyone i know and laugh and cry and maybe both at the same time. this is by far one of the larger efforts ever being made on my behalf by a boy. and i'm so happy i could cry.
thank you.
ps: the picture is a link to the full-sized version of the picture. as opposed to the slice shown.