For what_its_for
I never thought, my back scraping against the wall in that alleyway, that I would live. I was pretty certain it was the end for me. For all of us, to be honest. Didn't help matters when Illyria brought the news Wes had died. I didn't know the bloke that well, but I liked him, and he was definitely the brains of our organisation. I was just one of the fists, for scrapping, y'know. Angel didn't have me on board for my poetic talent, and I didn't reckon my bare knuckle skills were going to hold up that well in the face of a dragon, or all the legions behind it.
But - I lived. Nearly lost a few limbs, and it took weeks for my face to be back to normal, but I lived. Couldn't say the same for Gunn, sadly. Lorne never showed up, as we expected. He'd had a task too far, and when Lindsey didn't show I worked out what it was. Poor git. Angel, meanwhile... He lived. Doesn't he always, the bugger? But he seemed to fall to pieces with his team gone. He swept off into the night and I haven't seen him in a long time now. Doubtless he's brooding somewhere dirty. He'll show up again, I've no doubt of that. Caped crusader will dust off his leotard and save the world. I might even be glad to see him.
What did I do? What I should have done months before. I went to find Buffy. After she got over her initial shock, and she'd punched me in my already bruised face for not telling her when I got back, things were alright. We remembered how things had been in those last days before Sunnydale went nuclear. I didn't try anything. She was still seeing that Immortal bloke, for one thing, though I could tell that it was beginning its inevitable descent into break up. Blokes like the Immortal don't have long term relationships. Sort of funny when you consider he's gonna live forever. Anyway. We sat together for a long time, hands linked, not saying anything much. I felt better than I had done in a long time. Then I told her I'd see her later. Some day. We understood. I will be seeing her again... But it'll be when she chooses to find me, not before.
I spent the next few months rather listlessly. It'd been ages since I hadn't had a mission. I tried the drinking and sleeping around thing but my enthusiasm for it sort of failed. I had to face it - I was in with the white hats now, so I'd better get used to wanting to Do Good. Such an Angel motivation to be driven by, but there we go. Can't help it. So I tracked down Illyria, the original Super Smurf herself, who had ended up in New York. I decided I wanted to run something like Angel Investigations - though less with the paperwork and more with the cool coats and beating up bad guys. Illyria seemed won over by my offer of violence, and so here we are, in the Big Apple itself. Plenty of work to be getting on with here.
But - I lived. Nearly lost a few limbs, and it took weeks for my face to be back to normal, but I lived. Couldn't say the same for Gunn, sadly. Lorne never showed up, as we expected. He'd had a task too far, and when Lindsey didn't show I worked out what it was. Poor git. Angel, meanwhile... He lived. Doesn't he always, the bugger? But he seemed to fall to pieces with his team gone. He swept off into the night and I haven't seen him in a long time now. Doubtless he's brooding somewhere dirty. He'll show up again, I've no doubt of that. Caped crusader will dust off his leotard and save the world. I might even be glad to see him.
What did I do? What I should have done months before. I went to find Buffy. After she got over her initial shock, and she'd punched me in my already bruised face for not telling her when I got back, things were alright. We remembered how things had been in those last days before Sunnydale went nuclear. I didn't try anything. She was still seeing that Immortal bloke, for one thing, though I could tell that it was beginning its inevitable descent into break up. Blokes like the Immortal don't have long term relationships. Sort of funny when you consider he's gonna live forever. Anyway. We sat together for a long time, hands linked, not saying anything much. I felt better than I had done in a long time. Then I told her I'd see her later. Some day. We understood. I will be seeing her again... But it'll be when she chooses to find me, not before.
I spent the next few months rather listlessly. It'd been ages since I hadn't had a mission. I tried the drinking and sleeping around thing but my enthusiasm for it sort of failed. I had to face it - I was in with the white hats now, so I'd better get used to wanting to Do Good. Such an Angel motivation to be driven by, but there we go. Can't help it. So I tracked down Illyria, the original Super Smurf herself, who had ended up in New York. I decided I wanted to run something like Angel Investigations - though less with the paperwork and more with the cool coats and beating up bad guys. Illyria seemed won over by my offer of violence, and so here we are, in the Big Apple itself. Plenty of work to be getting on with here.